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I realize that this blog of mine is sloppy as fuck. It’s a mess for sure but at the same time, I really don’t care. This is my personal art blog, this is where I get to truly express myself and say all that I want to say. I don’t get to do that on my other sites. Though I’ve put up artwork for sale on here, I’ve really not tried to monetize this.

Actually, I did try to use AdSense once but my site wasn’t good enough for Google. Oh well.

So if you’re visiting this site – yes, I’ve redirected SHERMGRAFIK.com to here. Sherm is long gone, it was an old graffiti identity.

What’s going on with me these days? I honestly don’t know. I’ve been in this neutral zone. I want to learn and do so many things that I tend to get pulled into different directions, thinking that I can do it all. Part of me wishes to know what my purpose is but I think I’m going to drive myself insane if I keep asking. It’s almost as if I’m not satisfied with the answers, as if my life purpose is supposed to be profound and exotic.

I think in some ways, I’m just supposed to be me.

The Out There is Right Here❤️👽❤️

I drew this today (Monday, November 5 2018).

I’m here, trying to just be and go with the flow. I once saw someone on Twitter tweet this out: “only dead fish go with the flow”.

So as usual, I’m conflicted.

Like, how do we just go with the flow if we are conscious beings, when we’re wired a certain way. It really takes effort to reprogram our minds and to find balance between wanting stuff to happen already versus allowing it to come to you.

I want so many things, but mostly I want to learn everything that fascinates me.

Right now I have a list of things I want to learn or make my way towards:

Light Language
Medical Intuitive
Holistic Life Coach
Quantum Healing Hypnosis
Transpersonal Psychology

I’ve also been considering going into Massage Therapy but then again I’m not sure whether I’m ready to touch people…I’m still thinking about it though.

I don’t know. I want to focus on one thing and get really good at it. But it also feels like I need to do other things too. Why? Selling minerals is cool but tbh, I’m already losing interest in it. Perhaps I was a bit naive in thinking that I was always going to make consistent sales, but not only that – selling gets boring after a while. I feel that I also made some poor decisions and spent more than I made. Lesson learned, I guess.

My intuition is leading me to a consciousness upgrade, it seems. It wants me to learn all this stuff that I’ve never even considered wanting to get into.

So here I am again, wondering where my life is going next. I honestly don’t know anymore. This is what wanted to come out today while drawing.

Getting High Off My Own Supply

Today is Friday 9/14/18 and I’m on fire right now, or as the kids would say: I’m LIT as fuck.🔥 HA.

Putting things into place now that can only grow and get bigger in the future.

Yesterday in the morning, I did a crystal healing on myself again. This time, along with the other stones – I put my Pyrite with Quartz right on my solar plexus, the third chakra. Pyrite is masculine energy, manifestation, action, vitality, willpower, creativity, confidence; so I wonder if there is a direct correlation with this newfound drive and motivation I’m experiencing right now? I think so.

I’ve been working with that Pyrite with Quartz since the beginning of my business in 2017, it’s definitely doing its work. I actually did a lot of the things that I only talked or dreamed about, I even surprised myself. It’s a trip to watch yourself evolve.

Now I’m working on building my crystal healing practice, so I put up another website: crystalhealerLA.com – putting my digital marketing skills to use to build it up. I’m excited to create original content for it.

I don’t have a whole lot of clients yet, so I’ve been doing these crystal healings on myself – in order to understand what’s really happening when crystal energy is interacting with the human energy field. I want to be able to test and prove that something IS happening, even when we can’t see it. Not for the non-believers but really for myself and my future clients.

It’s all an experiment really, but I really like where I’m going with all of this right now. I plan to stay creatively focused.

The biggest takeaway for wanting to do something, is to just do it. Don’t expect perfection, just dive right in; you’ll learn as you go and you’ll perfect things as you do them.

GIF: Eternal Conflict 2012

I was digging through old files when I stumbled upon this old drawing. My mom was Christian so after she passed away in 2006, my soul wanted to draw, paint and explore the dark stuff. I was fascinated by the occult, Satanism, Anton LaVey and the image of the devil.

I was also heavily influenced by tattoo imagery, so I borrowed the devil image from Sailor Jerry’s flash. I wanted to be a tattoo artist at some point, so I bought a tattoo machine – tattooed myself and a couple of people out of my home. I was a scratcher, I didn’t get very far :/

Anyways, I guess I’m just reminiscing.

The Devil (15) is still my friend. I look forward to seeing him and I actually laugh, wondering what kind of temptation will he present to me whenever he shows up via tarot, or will he play the devil’s advocate through a person I encounter that day? You never know and that’s why I like him. He breaks up the seriousness of the tarot with his presence.

Drawing: Soul Star and the Stellar Gateway

Something about being in Leo season that’s making me determined as fuck.

I’m feeling a surge of energy from the sun.

In comparison to Cancer season, I feel a lot more stable and have clarity on what I need to do next…sort of.

Cancer season was turning me into a emotional wreck for no reason. I almost felt like a victim? A victim of my own fucking mind when it turns on me and starts to get me to think in limited ways.

I drive myself crazy sometimes. I feel alone on this because I feel like it’s up to me to keep up with finances, to figure out how to bring in more money. I feel like I’m the only one who invests in myself.

Anyways…

Right now I have investments and entrepreneurship on my mind. I think at this point I will have to create my own damn job; I keep looking on CL for something else but none of them appeal to me at all. The stuff that used to interest me no longer does.

Not only that but the deeper I go into metaphysical stuff, the less I can relate to the three-dimensional world.

At this point I really don’t want to work for anyone else but myself. How do I parlay this?

And is this a sign? It must be because it’s all I’ve been thinking about.

The Fool (0) has been showing up a few times now. This card usually never shows up, unless it’s time for me to dive into the unknown again.

And 8 of Swords is the card that tends to remind me of the so called “prison” that I created.

I have a few ideas (some are risky while most are just past my comfort zone) but at the moment I can’t think of anything else:

+ Pull out money from my 401k account, quit my job and live off of that while I bring up my small business.

+ Live a lean & frugal lifestyle. Downgrade to a smaller place (might have to be an apartment, meh) and cut out the cable and other stuff so I can have less expenses.

+ Move closer to my work so I don’t have to drive my car & spend so much money on gas and car repairs; I can just walk.

These are just ideas that have been running through my head these last couple of months. All I know is, something has to change. If this is my dream, then surely I can change it right?

Here’s my latest drawing: Soul Star and the Stellar Gateway. These are based off the 12 chakra system according to Katrina Raphaell in her book The Crystal Transmission.

A Wannabe Bodhisattva

Never have I minded my business so hard than after Reiki II attunement. Other than learning to use two more symbols for channeling life force energy and healing, I didn’t think anything would really happen afterwards…

Let’s just say anything tied to my emotional attachments have completely dropped off. I haven’t had any desire to post on Twitter or lurk on anyone’s Instagram, I feel as if I have nothing to say. I am in my own world right now.

I literally feel like a bodhisattva, surrounded by lotus flowers and floating on a cloud. Seeing everything from a higher perspective, wanting to help people end their suffering. I’m physically here and simultaneously on another plane of existence…

except I’m not a bodhisattva. I still have to go to work and look at nudes. 8 years of working in the adult entertainment industry, let’s just say I’m ready for something else…but what that something else is, I don’t even know.

I was going to post a pic of a Green Tara but chose to do this rough sketch instead and started playing with it more. Her skin is green so I made this girl green.

Everything’s the same and yet everything’s different.

My TCT final is this weekend, June 9th. I’ve been practicing doing crystal therapy on people at least once a week. So thankful that my friends & co-workers are open minded enough to try it. During my final, I’ll be doing a crystal therapy on someone I don’t know…

wish me luck.

In the Pursuit of Healing and the Unknown

If you’ve been reading this blog, you’ve probably heard me say this often:

I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

And it’s quite true.

I don’t know why I keep pursuing certain things; I don’t know why I am interested in wanting to learn Reiki, Crystal Healing and other healing modalities…or why I even decided to sell crystals and stones. I feel like I’m not the type, yet on the contrary here I am. The fantasy I had a year ago became a full blown reality; having an online business is expensive af, I imagine having a brick and mortar would be even more. I still really love the crystals though, the ones who are sitting in my home have brought so much good to my life.

Sales have been slow last month but that’s fine; I’m learning to trust the ebb and flow.

A lot of things don’t make sense to me right now, but again I’m going to trust it.

It would be a lot more practical of me to take more classes in computer programming, marketing, design, motion graphics, etc. More classes related to my work to stay competitive or whatever; keep up with everyone else and make more $$$…

But I’m just not into it right now. Yeah I love money, I mean who doesn’t? But I’m not into hustling or chasing money.

I’ve also been noticing recently that employers don’t pay people as much for being skilled. If anything, people are being laid off for being highly skilled AND making too much.

Things are always changing, even faster now it seems.

On the upside, I feel completely at peace. I am happy for no reason.

If you also know me from the past, you know that I lived within my ego. And while it had its highs, a lot of it was low vibrational.

What are people going to remember you for, really?

I can look back and say I was a low vibrational human being. Lol! I guess if you want to insult somebody you can start calling them a “low vibrational being”. They would probably be confused by that, or not. Try it and report back 😉

Anyways, so that’s what’s been going on with me.

We’re all evolving and becoming one with our Selves, one with the Higher Consciousness.

If you’re reading this, I hope you are doing what feels good and right for you…even if it doesn’t make sense! I feel as I will probably have less friends after this round. You will look back and then it will all make sense. Trust yourself, everything will be fine.

All my love to you.❤

[I made this drawing today to go with my blog post and turned it into an animated gif again. Sorry (not sorry), all I seem to draw are pyramids, stars and eyes now. I’m boring I know and I don’t care. Artists are SO full of themselves, aren’t they? I don’t even know who is reading my blog tbh, so.]

Sacred Geometry Spiral Living

All I’ve been wanting to do lately is just doodle sacred geometry shapes and symbols. I wanted to draw this while at work today but alas I was on a deadline. And then I made a gif out of it a day later.

I feel as if something is being activated in me but I’m not sure what it is. I read something online recently about the light body – that it is activated in levels.

I’m drawn to merkaba, pyramid, sri yantra, stars, eyes and infinity symbols. I’ve been drawing them a lot repetitively, I also want them tattooed on me.👁🌀🔺🌀🔻🌀👁

Been reading about the Lemurians, Atlanteans, the Pleiadeans; my psychic friend told me in the beginning of January 2018 that I was Lemurian/Atlantean in a past life…which in a way makes total sense that I’m drawn to Lemurian crystals and was able to sell them successfully, or is it only because most everyone in the crystal world reveres them? Hard to tell but I’m learning to trust that what I feel is true for me.

Speaking of past lives, I’m really into the subject but still have no clue who I was in the past. I guess it doesn’t matter so much unless it’s affecting my current lifetime in a negative way.

All I know is I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I’m definitely IN the spiral and I can’t relate to most people these days unless we’re into the same stuff.

I’m lost and I don’t want to be found. There is so much to learn about the past, present, future and other dimensions.

It’s officially been a year since I started Metaphysical Vibes. I applied for a business license & seller’s permit around this time in April 2017 and opened to the public on Earth Day, April 22nd. What an interesting exercise in manifestation this has been, I don’t know what’s next as I’m learning so much about myself and haven’t been spending money on the business as I spent a lot last year, so I’m paying down my debt. I’m taking an 8 week course in Trans Crystal Therapy at The Crystal Matrix – learning and working with the stones and their associated chakras, scanning the body with pendulums and Quartz crystals, becoming more aware of our auras, etc. I love my teacher and the people I’m taking the course with. I’m definitely growing and transforming, into what I have yet to discover. The Death card appeared this week, as did The Fool.

Open mind, open heart. Stay curious as there is so much more to it than just the physical world. Peace, love and blessings if you are reading this.✨❤✨

It’s So Easy to Slip Back…

Into an old habit, an old way of thinking…

I am totally aware of this. Right now I’m feeling an old habit creeping up on me, the feeling of boredom. I don’t want to be bored, yet I am. Perhaps the gloomy weather is causing me to feel this way, perhaps it’s my job.

Regardless I am thankful for my job, I am thankful for my life. I’m thankful that I was able to manifest an online business selling crystals; I don’t even know how it happened – being a seller was never really on my radar but marketing and building websites were, so there. It helps that I really like crystals too.

But I get bored still from time to time…I think everybody does.

You don’t have to fight it, but you can’t let it take over completely. So I am writing this to my future self as a reminder:

+ If you get bored, remember to just simply change it up! Do something a different way or make it a point to learn something new every day.

+ Read, read, read. Doodle, scribble, draw. Write with a pen, handwriting is still important.

+ Snap out of it, snap out of feeling sorry for yourself. Other people are really suffering and here you are complaining about being bored. SMH. Exercise, go outside, take a walk, breathe and be in gratitude for fuck sake. You really have a lot to be thankful for.

I am all too aware that I am also creeping my way into getting old, I can see the subtleties on my face. I’m caring less and less about a lot of things but I also don’t want to be forgetful. And I don’t want to be helpless. That’s why they say reading, writing and problem solving or playing memory games is important.

I’ve also been thinking about my finances a lot more, like 401ks and life insurance. I don’t have children so that made it a little easier, but I still have to think about retirement and my loved ones. Had I payed closer attention to this stuff when I was younger, I would be all set for retirement! I would be rich by this world’s standards. But if I DID amass that huge amount, then Uncle Sam would be taxing me for it, wouldn’t he? He sure would! So really, which choice is better; and are you really rich if all that you saved up for goes to paying down debt?

Whatever choice I picked is fine for me, I am successful either way. No matter what choice we make in life, Spirit will always look out for your best interest. You can always look back on your life and see how everything actually worked out for you.

I wanted to draw something for this post but I got stuck. So here’s an old drawing that I decided would look better in hot pink and as an animated gif.

I haven’t been feeling super creative and so I wrote this blog post over at my crystal shop website: How to Break Through a Creative Block with Crystals

VII of Cups – Viernes 2/23/18

It’s challenging to want to know everything and be everything…

I literally want to learn how to do A LOT of things. Where does one draw the line?

I also want to just do nothing, really. Have I lost my sense of identity? Probably. I have always thought that art would be my path. It is, just not in the way I imagined. It is still one of many possibilities, and I’m still holding on to the fantasy that I will create in that capacity again.

But let’s face it, as grownups it’s not exactly easy to make “art for art’s sake” – most things adults do has a purpose. But if it’s important to you, you will find the time.

I want to get better at business and marketing because I know it will benefit my little business…

But I also just want to let it unfold without me forcing it to be a certain way.

Everything has to be balanced, we all have to wait our turn. There’s a lot of everything right now, so much so that it’s saturated. It’s great that everyone is pursuing their dream, but not so great when the market is flooded. Everybody is selling, everybody is hustling. I’m right there with all those people, but I’ve also learned to be still and have patience.

I read this proverb from a little booklet (Learn Spanish – another thing that I really want to learn) and it has a beautiful, religious but also borderline occult undertone to it:

EN LA TIERRA DE LOS CIEGOS EL TUERTO ES REY

In the kingdom of the blind the one eyed is king.

Here’s my drawing for today which somehow evolved into a animated gif that I don’t mind at all; I hope to redraw it and post a better version. I’m pretty sure I’ve drawn VII of Cups before, digitally.

I was going to end the post here but another thought entered my mind: I think that’s why I like the Tarot and continue to work with it – it is everything. But when you see the bigger picture it is also a mandala, a wheel. And at any given moment, the wheel turns and we can be anything we want.