15 years ago today (12/20/2006), my mom left her physical body and returned to Spirit so I’m bumping this post up. I don’t feel anything anymore but I appreciate it when she visits me through a memory or something that reminds me of her.❤️
Looking back, my suffering seems so insignificant now.
10 years ago today (12/20/2006), my mom left her physical body and returned to Spirit.
10 years later, I’m still here. I made it through the pain & suffering of not having my mom around anymore.
2006 and 4-5 years after that really felt like the hardest time of my life, but I can look back and say that it transformed me into who I am now, and who I am becoming. I mentioned this in another blog post and I will repeat it again: death is certainly the most painful of all teachers, yet at the same time it can also be life changing and transformative.
It’s strange, isn’t it? The things we’ve spent time building up crumbles eventually as soon as people start to make fun of it.
Perhaps I’m too overly concerned…sensitive…about what people think but at the same time, you also have to put your feelers out there to see what people actually think.
It can be a downer on your energy for sure and it makes you want to hide (at least for me).
For example – my crystal shop. A few months ago on Reddit, I put up a photo of crystals for sale – some were natural while some were aura treated. It was then reposted in a subreddit forum called Mineral Gore. The purpose of the subreddit is to post unnatural, manmade or enhanced mineral specimens so people can comment at how ugly and atrocious they are.
One man’s treasure is another man’s trash. Again, to each their own.
But still, it personally affected me and I never wanted to post again.
The point of this post is that people ARE out there…UNCONSCIOUSLY making you feel bad for the things that you personally love. And when somebody shares their opinion that you don’t necessarily agree with regarding that thing you love, you’re most likely going to feel like shit and you’re going to want to hide.
Just understand that most people aren’t doing it on purpose or personally attacking you, they’re just sharing their opinion and preference.
But it still comes off harsh.
Reddit is a strange place…well, all social media in general. It feels good to have your posts or comments “liked” or “upvoted”, it feels awful to have them “downvoted” or when people leave shitty comments.
It’s hard to not take things personally, but I’ll keep on working on it.
(Yes, that’s me in the background with my husband taking a photo of this claw machine filled with kawaii stuffed animals).
– People just aren’t paying attention as much. For me personally, my attention span dips in and out. The millions of people promoting or sharing something can be taxing and I have other things on my mind these days. Maybe it’s because I’m getting old? Idk. I was also one of those people promoting or sharing something for a hot minute…I got sick of myself.
– One of the things I learned about marketing your business is that if you want people to pay attention, then you have to post A LOT. This is how people will remember you, through repetition. It’s annoying as fuck tbh but it works. Posting a lot in my opinion though, eventually leads to burnout especially if it’s not producing some kind of return (a lead or a sale of your product). I definitely felt this with my crystal shop and that’s why I haven’t posted in some time now. Although I had a couple of loyal folks who always bought crystals from me (if you’re reading this – thank you, I love & appreciate you!), the majority of my crystal sales never came from posting on Instagram anyways.
– Posting a lot won’t necessarily bring the results you want. If anything, the majority of people just want to be entertained by what you post. They don’t always want to buy, which is why I think the shop section of IG is pointless. I’m definitely one of those people who also rejects a lot of ads (most of them are irrelevant anyway)…which is why it’s hard for me to do ads for my own business. Too critical for my own good.
– I haven’t been very successful with my own entrepreneurial endeavors; thanks to the neverending pandemic, I kinda gave up on it. I tried it, but wasn’t built for it. Did the universe spare me from struggling and putting myself in a situation I didn’t really want to be in? Probably. That or being programmed to be an employee for life has taken its toll.
– As usual, I’m bored with everything that I’m doing and I don’t know what’s next for me. A friend did a channeled card reading for me recently and also sensed my eternal state of boredom. Sigh. Anyways, here’s an excerpt from Mystic Medusa‘s Astral DNA Report aka her take on my natal chart that at least gives me some clues as to why I can’t just settle as a “personal brand”:
Neptune House X
Their public image can be mysterious: an alias, nom de plume or a brand conceals the true persona. Tenth House Neptune people are adrift in an ocean of treacherous career currents until they find or create their true vocation. Their c.v. is peppered with surreal episodes, a twilight zone of enigmatic gigs and of course, quite a few off-c.v. escapades. Whatever their official occupation, their title is really “magician” or “rainmaker.”
I didn’t realize how much digital stuff I’ve created over the years until I had to organize it this week.
This one’s super cute. I like creating cute things, remember? I made everything except for the baby chick. Unfortunately I don’t have all the time in the world to create everything from scratch so often times I gotta cheat.
Here’s one I did for work using the same concepts from
Just literally two frames repeating over and over again.
I struggle with using the actual animation timeline in Photoshop so it seems easier to just animate things frame by frame. Also the file size needs to be small.
I’ve not been in a Halloween mood even though I’m glad it’s this time of the year and all. It’s been 2 years since Roxy left and I’m not feeling festive.
I’m posting this video because I want to save it here. I also want to talk about Chiron for some reason. What do the two have in common? Horses – being that Chiron is a centaur in Greek mythology.
More importantly (at least for me) is that in my birth chart, Chiron is in my third house in Taurus.
If the third house represents communication, it means that I have trouble talking, or speaking or saying things outloud. This is true, as I am an introvert to the core. I’m not very talkative.
Chiron represents the Wounded Healer in astrology, meaning everyone has a Chiron in their chart; everyone has a deep wound that they carry with them in this life that they have to work on healing.
I just discovered this recently which makes a whole lot of sense now, a breakthrough actually:
The person with Chiron in Taurus will be afraid of losing something, whether it be safety, money, possessions, abundance, or love. The typical Chiron in Taurus will go to any lengths to avoid losing their home, their routine, the people close to them, their favorite possessions, their money, etc. Even if everything seems very permanent in their life, they will always be scared of some unexpected loss.
This resonates with me So.Damn.Much. Without going into too much detail, even though I have worked for other people most of my life I have always dreamt of being financially independent, like free from a job. I wanted to freelance; didn’t last very long. I wanted to tattoo; that didn’t happen. I wanted to have a small business; I’m barely even making it.
I can’t seem to do the things no matter how much effort I put into it. Not to say this is always true, but I try and fail A LOT it seems.
Or I just lose interest.
So yeah, that is my wound. I am afraid to not have resources and so I stay working. I’ve learned to work with this wound by accepting that I am meant to be working where I work. It is not creatively stimulating 24/7 but I am good at it; it has also given me the resources to be the provider and to live a life that is good. I’m also able to give to others freely. That is all I can ask for.
On the upside, I have found that learning astrology has been really good for me. This time though, I’m not trying to be an astrologer or be anything to anyone anymore…like that time I was trying to be a healer. Looking back I feel silly about it now tbh but for one reason or another, IT HAD to be expressed. That was the quality of that time period, where everyone and their mom wanted to be a healer including myself.
To be fair and not be so harsh on myself, my friend did pass away in Oct 2019.
Then 2020 came along and said ‘nope’! Being of service to others is not for me, not this year.
Then 2021 came and my cat had to be put to sleep.
I’m just learning for myself for once. And there is A LOT to learn and my Aquarius ascendant really likes it.
As a matter of fact, I’m learning so much by practice – interpreting people’s chart aspects on Reddit. So many people have questions and post their charts daily…
it’s almost as if getting suspended on Twitter led me to this, a blessing in disguise.
Anyways here is an old, rough drawing of a centaur, which I must’ve drawn when I had green hair. I’ve drawn centaurs a few times because me = Sagittarius.
I don’t know why I prefer to share my drawings here instead of IG.
I guess I just don’t care for likes or to be seen anymore. I think “creating for the gram” or social media in general tends to dampen ones creative spirit…I know it does for me.
A part of you is creating based on the possibility of getting more “likes”…it’s a trap that everyone falls into.
Stop giving a fuck about it.
Create because you want to.
Create because it what drives you to be.
I pulled the Ace of Pentacles today, along with 5 of Wands and The Empress.
I felt compelled to draw it, it’s one of my favorite cards. Whenever I pull it it always screams ‘Money Out of Nowhere’ to me. And that’s always a good thing because I.love.money.
Edit: I took the photo in the daytime so it looks closer though not as pastel-y in real life.
It used to be so fun, challenging and also frustrating building websites; I was so obsessed about how mine looked and I was constantly tweaking it. The site was built in HTML via Dreamweaver, I was using iframes and tables to align elements. At the time, everybody was doing it that way.
Then WordPress came out.
All this reminiscing came about because I was thinking about Futura 2000’s website around 2004 when I started learning web design.
His website stood out to me because it was very experimental and out there. Everybody was using Flash to make their website graphics interactive.
However, I didn’t learn how to code actual HTML until 2014.
So yeah, before I switched to Save the Savages – Shermgrafik was my first ever domain.
Want to take a trip down www memory lane? You can see old versions of websites at Internet Archive.
I drew this sometime last week but added some stuff last minute:
like the zodiac symbols. I am aware that I have Sagittarius & Scorpio in the wrong order, counterclockwise starting from Aries.
I was curious about when I was actually going to die so I googled ‘death astrology’ and entered my birth date – it gave me 2055. I filled out another one and it gave me 2042. I guess we’ll see, right? Live everyday as if it were your last.
I was reading something on Reddit recently. It was about Witchcraft or Psychosis – something along those lines. The person was asking when is their practice considered witchcraft and when is it considered a mental illness?
I can’t speak about the mental illness part but here’s what I will say about my experience with witchcraft / meditation or spiritual practice:
+ You must always set an intention.
+ Always call upon your highest and best guidance when tapping in – your higher self, your guides, your angels, loved ones, etc.
+ Imagination is a key component to seeing with your third eye. How do you know if you’re connecting with something else?
+ Pay attention to how you actually feel when communicating with this entity. Do you feel scared or anxious? Or calm and peaceful? Are you projecting this being from your unconscious self?
+ Grounding and anchoring yourself to this earth would probably help before traveling; meditating often to clear out any debris or baggage in your mental and emotional bodies before you begin.
+ My favorite protection mineral will always be Black Tourmaline which I like to pair up with Selenite. I also like gridding with Quartz crystals and sitting inside a circle of them.
+ Know yourself inside and out. Your strengths and weaknesses. That way when a negative thought or voice enters your mind, recognize where it’s coming from and banish it.
+ Just like with people, you have to set boundaries with these spirit beings. Which is why you must always set an intention.
+ It’s possible to self-sabotage your practice. If we are creating our reality then we are most certainly thinking of it ALL.THE.TIME. What have you been thinking about lately?
I don’t know why I’m writing about this. There were a couple of times when I was new when I started to question my sanity, but not in a way that I thought I was actually crazy although I had moments of feeling like I was. But I am aware that there are people who actually feel this way 24/7.
Something I personally like to do is check the astro weather. I learned recently that when Neptune is making a transit in your natal horoscope – usually with the Moon – the archetypal energies are amplified – dreams, delusion, fantasy. You might even be more open to psychic impressions.
Conclusion: if you find that you can’t control what’s happening to you then it’s best to find a therapist best suited for your needs.
I really like these Zeyar highlighters. The colors are pastel and have less intensity compared to the Sharpie brand. I guess I’m wondering to myself why tf didn’t I get these sooner? Anyways, I love them and have been highlighting and doodling my daily calendar / journal with them.
Today marks 2 months since we decided to put Tabby to sleep. The house feels less empty, but still feels like it’s missing something.
I would love to have a British Shorthair cat, I’ve wanted one forever. But they’re expensive and I’m not sure if I’m ready to shell out that kind of money yet. I also don’t have any experience with kittens and I’ve read that it’s time consuming. Tabby was my first cat ever. I also read up that if I were to get a BSH kitten, I would have to take 2 kittens so they won’t get lonely. Lots to consider there.
My goal is to be debt free in a couple of years, let’s see if I can achieve that…
I suck at posting on social media and can go weeks without posting now. I know I’m not but I feel old, cynical & grumpy. Ancient, if you will. I guess I’m embracing Saturn more and more these days. I’m having a hard time keeping up with the amount of stories people post on Instagram. Sorry if I haven’t been paying attention.
The Saturnian period lasts from a person’s forty-second to their forty-ninth year and marks the end of their natural growth. By the time a person has completed their first half-century, they have thoroughly determined the type of human being they are going to be…
By now they should have achieved a measure of self-discipline and be of sound and mature judgement. However, if the previous stages have not been fulfilled, they will find themselves verging on depression and decline.
Being a Sagittarius Sun, I’m naturally optimistic. Please don’t mistake my personality for “positive vibes” though – I’ll roll my eyes at you.
But lately, I’ve just been…
– sad
– depressed
– bored
– isolated
– feeling stuck
– feeling way too serious
– more concerned about my health and how to preserve it
Yeah, seriously. I was thinking again to myself ‘fuck, am I having a midlife crisis right now’ because it’s about that time. Mid 40’s. And it could be because I’m having feelings of boredom and stuckness.
VIII of Swords and IX of Swords type of vibe. I pulled those exact cards this week after not pulling cards for a while.
Saturn will discipline you and keep you restricted.
Saturn in Capricorn did this to me last year. It was trying to be my father and tell me I wasn’t shit. That everything I was doing was a waste of time. Like, where do these ancient, paternal/maternal ‘voices’ suddenly come from? Making you doubt yourself? Making you feel inadequate? Making you feel small and not-so-confident? That’s Saturn.
This year, of course Pisces energy amplifies it even more. All of this was going on in my head but it felt real. The output of emotions were real.
You’re not going crazy my dear, it’s all in your chart!
Having Neptune in the mix just makes everything more…nebulous. I feel dreamy but also lost and confused.
I hope this helps if you’re feeling heavy lately and not feeling fully like yourself. Look to the planets transiting your natal chart. It will give you some relief, but you’ll still feel crazy or attract it.
Many people don’t believe in astrology because it’s purely psychological; you can’t see it but you’ll definitely feel it.
The app I use is Time Passages.
p.s. for anyone who is wondering – I am okay, truly.❤️ I am pretty good at being able to see beyond myself and see a different perspective.
Edit: wanted to add some additional insights to this post. It’s true that while Saturn isn’t super fun, you can still benefit from Saturnian energy. For example, perhaps maybe you do need discipline – whether you’re trying to eat more healthy or change a habit (which in my case, yes) or you need to be restricted for a bit (which is also a yes for me because I’ve been spending money left & right).
Conclusion: you can still find opportunity or something good in a planet that’s not exactly known for being good-natured.
