I Like Creating Cute Things

In trying to figure out what brings me joy and pleasure in my work life and how to attract more of it, I’ve come to these conclusions:

+ I like creating cute shit.
+ I like creating cute, bright, colorful shit.
+ I like creating animated GIFs

That’s all I’ve got. I feel like I could work at a place that’s cute, fun and matches my graphic style, but for adults (and I don’t mean porn). I think there should be more places that cater to the kid inside of us. BOOM, I just gave you an idea.

Complaining about what I don’t enjoy doing doesn’t get me anywhere – I know because I just went there AGAIN recently😫. It just brings me down and puts me in a stupid mood. So I need to get clear on what it is I really enjoy doing and not focus so much on the things I don’t enjoy.

Web design I don’t mind so much, just not into the heavy programming. I’ve tried for the life of me to learn Javascript and PHP, I did not go very far.

I enjoy writing if it’s something interesting & relevant to me.

I feel like motion graphics would be the next thing to learn, as I do enjoy animating and making things move.

I enjoy some aspects of marketing, a lot of it I don’t really care for.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I want to leave my comfortable job. At the same time it feels like I shouldn’t because I have a partner and a cat that depend on me.

I’m very much aware that I just put some limitations on my desires. It’s dumb, I know. I’m working on it but at the same time I’m not working on it…

I’m definitely on some kind of journey at the moment, one where I keep seeking to learn more about healing and becoming proficient at being a healer. There is no unhealthy ego attached here, this is where my intuition has been taking over and leading me to as of late. Reiki and Trans Crystal Therapy were the catalyst, now I’m being led to keep on learning more. How do I know this? It’s all I seem to want to think and read about but not in an obsessive way, just going with it and expanding my knowledge and awareness of this magnificent universe we live in and how its energy flows and manifests through us.

It’s a little bit of everything that I like – esoteric, psychology, science, energy work and metaphysical all rolled into one. There’s also a lot of art and imagination involved, as we are working as well as creating and visualizing things that can’t be seen but actually do exist.

So what about the crystal shop?

It’s there, quietly continuing to build itself. My ego helped me create that, but it’s taken a back seat. Too much ego creates competition, separation and stress so I had to take myself out of it because it simply didn’t make me feel good. And yeah, I also had to cut back on spending money since there is only 1 person in my little family that’s working: me.

So I watermarked this gif because it’s the damn internet and people like to steal.

If you’re reading this, I hope you are having a fun and relaxing summer doing what you want to do rather than doing things you have to do. Remember, you are important.✨🖤✨

A Wannabe Bodhisattva

Never have I minded my business so hard than after Reiki II attunement. Other than learning to use two more symbols for channeling life force energy and healing, I didn’t think anything would really happen afterwards…

Let’s just say anything tied to my emotional attachments have completely dropped off. I haven’t had any desire to post on Twitter or lurk on anyone’s Instagram, I feel as if I have nothing to say. I am in my own world right now.

I literally feel like a bodhisattva, surrounded by lotus flowers and floating on a cloud. Seeing everything from a higher perspective, wanting to help people end their suffering. I’m physically here and simultaneously on another plane of existence…

except I’m not a bodhisattva. I still have to go to work and look at nudes. 8 years of working in the adult entertainment industry, let’s just say I’m ready for something else…but what that something else is, I don’t even know.

I was going to post a pic of a Green Tara but chose to do this rough sketch instead and started playing with it more. Her skin is green so I made this girl green.

Everything’s the same and yet everything’s different.

My TCT final is this weekend, June 9th. I’ve been practicing doing crystal therapy on people at least once a week. So thankful that my friends & co-workers are open minded enough to try it. During my final, I’ll be doing a crystal therapy on someone I don’t know…

wish me luck.

On Some Life Purpose Shit

I think I’m S L O W L Y starting to see my life purpose…and (I think) it sort of involves the fact that I’m weird with an open mind & open heart and the fact that I also work behind the scenes in the adult entertainment industry.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ll probably notice that I rarely discuss my job. It’s a marketing and graphic design job so it’s nothing too exciting (unless you love sex & nudes, HA). I create lots of visual content sure, but I also look at a lot of data and some of it involves being technical.

But because of it, I’m attracting those who are weird like me that seek healing (they seek the crystals, not me btw) but can’t seem to be accepted by certain spiritual folk because it’s beyond their level of ‘weird’…

Spiritual folk who have issues with sex, sex workers and people who are on the fringe. And maybe even those who are all those things and are also POC. Those are the people who find me. People whom I accept because even though I don’t fully know what it’s like to be a sex worker, marketing for this industry allows me to understand a whole lot more than the average person.

And I have learned a lot from working here. I’m not even all that weird, really…as far as I know I’m straight and I don’t have a kinky lifestyle. I go to bed at 10pm and I get up to go to work just like everyone else, it’s just the content that’s different.

The secret’s out folks: I’m actually really boring as fuck.😉

But like I said, I try to always have an open mind and an open heart. I’m learning to recognize Spirit in all things.

I mean, didn’t Jesus spend time with the lepers and the freaks?

And while I’ve worked here, I’ve delved into spirituality more and more – tarot, crystals, reiki, etc.

They’re all sort of merging into one…becoming something new.

I had a tarot reading with a good friend recently and she pulled the II of Wands from the Deviant Moon Tarot Deck and said something profound.

It went something like this:

Your two creative jobs are crossing over each other; they are becoming more fluid. There is no separation, just a flow of energy flowing in and out of one another.

I had to write this down before it slipped away.

Here are some other possible meanings for the Two of Wands.

I Am an Avatar

I’ve been on a solo introspection kind of trip. Loner but not lonely. I’m an only child so I have never minded being alone. But I did come to earth to learn how to relate to others via Life Path Number 6 and The Lovers card in Tarot.

I haven’t been sales or business motivated either and I haven’t really been posting consistently on Instagram at all. I’m beginning to doubt whether I am good with this whole business/social media thing, as I don’t like to be pushy/force people to buy and post on social media a lot.

I feel like maybe I am just a perpetrator, pretending to be in these roles to see which one fits. I also feel like a perpetrator in marketing because I don’t do everything that marketers are supposed to do. I can go on and on really.

Perhaps January is just a dreary month and my energy will ramp back up.

I got sick around my birthday in December AND I got sick with the flu mid January 2018 so yeah – it took me out of the loop and it’s taking a while for me to get fully back in my body. I still feel like I’m not fully “here”.

And now that I’m finally getting better, I’m just thankful to not be sick. I appreciate my body a whole lot more, I was able to recovery quickly and still go to work and do shit.

I’ve been traversing space and time, seeing myself beyond my own human consciousness – watching my own avatar do stuff in this 3d world. It gives me trippy feelings, like when I used to play a game on my phone like The Simpsons Tapped Out.

It makes me feel like YES – there’s an invisible, non-human force beyond me that is also ME, guiding me. Not like a puppet on a string, but more like a bigger, cosmic, infinite version of myself, watching me inside a sphere, the Earth…like a snowglobe.

The ALL is mind.

And though my mind can’t fully comprehend it, my intuition can. This is how we break through the feelings of being stuck, limited, trapped in a box; feeling like we’re not enough.

This is how one can be fearless, and to not worry that you didn’t save up your money in a 401k or didn’t follow your parents’ idea of what you’re supposed to be in this world.

Anyway, this is how I’ve been feeling lately. I had to draw this a few times before I was satisfied with showing it. Maybe I will draw it again, I need a bigger piece of paper though.

We are all avatars.

A Celtic Cross Reading for Myself – 12/6/2017

I am and have been living in the eternal now moment more these days. Life has been feeling more and more timeless the more I let go of certain concepts, like birthdays.

Like today is supposed to be my “40th” birthday but what does that really mean? It’s a construct, created by humans to measure time.

Anyways, before I ramble on about esoteric things – the whole purpose of this blog post was to post my first Celtic Cross reading I did for myself today. For the longest time, I feel as if I have been intimidated by this spread and was actually looking for someone to read my cards for me; but through the process of searching for someone I realized that I ‘could’ just read for myself (even though I still need help from a book). To anyone who is reading this, I’m not a professional tarot reader at all – I just read for myself.

So here is a photo of my reading using my favorite deck the HK Tarot with the card and card position meanings:

Position 1  / Heart of the Matter: IV of Pentacles

Position 2 / Opposing Factor: I The Magician

Position 3 / Root Cause or Unconscious Influence: XV The Devil

Position 4 / The Past: Page of Cups

Position 5 / Attitudes and Beliefs or Conscious Influence: IV The Emperor

Position 6 / Future or Approaching Influence: Ace of Wands

Position 7 / You as Your Present Self: II of Pentacles

Position 8 / You as Others See You: IX The Hermit

Position 9 / Guidance: III of Pentacles

Position 10 / Outcome: X of Pentacles

I’ve definitely been focused on business stuff lately so of course it makes total sense that a lot of pentacles are present in my reading. I’ve had money on my mind a lot – how to make it, how to keep it, how to make more of it in a way that’s enjoyable to me. The devil is ever present, reminding me of my strong attachments to material wealth (money).

I used Joan Bunning’s Learning The Tarot as my guide; it was one of the first tarot books I got for myself and seems to be the book I still go back to often.

Do you have a tarot book that you really like? I’d love to know what books you read.

Petitioning The Spirits Through Candle Magic

So I don’t like to admit that I was sort of bumming out that sales had really slowed down at Metaphysical Vibes and on Etsy, a little depressed even. But I think that your first year as a small business is always the hardest – there are days when I start to question myself, there are days when I don’t know if I will even last. Luckily the crystals always know how to bring me back to my center and then I am myself again.

I learned recently that commitment to being consistent is the most challenging thing for me right now. Consistency when it comes to posting to social media, consistency in posting crystals to the shop. I’m definitely doing it but a small part of me is also getting a little tired.

Consistency is hard; I read something in a book that 60% of all new businesses fail within the first year. That and the motivation to keep at it especially when you’re not seeing the results you want is the hardest.

One of my flaws is that I’m impatient; kind and patient with everyone else but impatient with myself. I couldn’t just sit around anymore, I had to do something to get things moving a little bit.

So that’s when I finally decided to order 2 candles from Jessyka Winston of hausofhoodoo.com to help me get some business back. Everyone’s been raving about her fixed candles so I wanted to see for myself. Long story short, the candle did (and is still doing it’s work) even before I actually lit it and business started to pick up again. I’m so thankful for that.

I guess the point of this blog post is – don’t be too proud to ask the spirits for help. Yes we go with the cosmic flow of the universe, but we can also do some things to get it moving. We all need a little help sometimes whether we need money, a better job or a new relationship. For me, I wanted better business.

And while you are asking for help, don’t expect the spirits to do ALL the work for you. You still have to do your part – meaning that you have to be really intentional with what you want.

Pyrite with Quartz is not for sale, it’s from my personal collection. Pyrite is the perfect mineral for attracting money, wealth and making shit happen aka manifestation (especially for those who have a business or are thinking of starting one). Also a great and masculine protector from negative energies.

A Lot Can Happen in 3 Months – 9/10/2017

 

A lot can happen in 3 months, a lot can happen in a year.

I wrote this post 3 months ago (June 2017): How To Sell Online If You’re Not Popular – unsure of how things were going to unfold.

Then I wrote this post: A Moment of Doubt When Diving Into the Unknown about a month and a half ago (July 24) when I was having doubts about whether I made the right decision to start up the crystal business.

But after I went and received my Level I Reiki attunement on August 13th, things started to really take off. The sales started rolling in.

I can’t explain it, and I won’t even attempt to. It’s all a bit mysterious and mystical to me how events are connecting itself.

Is it also because there were 2 major cosmic events in that month – a Lunar and a Solar eclipse? My Reiki teacher told me that during my attunement she had seen the Sun and the Moon out at the same time and that she saw a salmon far out in the ocean, far away from where it normally would be (in a river). The message is this: it won’t be easy but I have to be persistent to get to where I want to be. My Reiki attunement was such a beautiful and memorable experience. Everything’s the same, yet everything’s different.

I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I know it will be awesome and everything that I’ve wished for and more.

So I just wanted to write this post, expressing my deep thanks and gratitude for the things that are happening right now. We must get into the habit of expressing our blessings, big and small.

I am writing this too so I can look back and remember how the Universe supported me from the moment the idea came into my head.

And I will never forget it.

Cho Ku Rei

✨❤️✨

Who Am I and What Am I?

At this moment I exist in a female human form, living somewhere in the vast metropolis of Los Angeles…

but when I am reminded of what I really am – I am genderless, ambiguous, eternal. I am one with you, yet we are separate.

Although I am not a psychic, a healer, a teacher or coach…

I really like what those people do and the tools they work with interest me very much.

Let’s just say that I am a part of the metaphysical community,

but I’m still figuring out my role.

For now, I intend to experiment with having an ecommerce store selling crystals.

But to where will that take me next, I don’t know.

I’m just going with the flow, the current, the cosmic waves.

I aim to do business from the heart and to not worry about what other people are doing. Or to compare myself to them.

Again, I feel as if I started late. My mind wants to tell me that I should’ve done this a few years ago, because now…EVERYONE is doing it. But truthfully, I wasn’t even in the right mind or heart. I had no knowledge or understanding of having a small business, nor did I even have the desire to start. It sounded complicated and I just wasn’t into it at all. Also, I didn’t know much about crystals the way I do now…and I’m STILL learning! I will always be learning until I die, this is earth school after all.

Everything happens at the perfect time and I trust that.

I intend to have fun, enjoy the process, learn from the challenges and bask in my success…

and I hope that I can help others along the way and also learn from those who already did it as well.