Jimmy keeps thinking you will pop up and say “SURPRISE! I pranked you all so fucking hard.”

But there is no prank. And we drove to Las Vegas this past weekend to see for ourselves. Your family did such a beautiful job honoring you, it felt as if you were still there.

What really hurt though was seeing your mom break down in front of us. I kept it together but couldn’t handle it at the same time.

What was really cool was that Orion actually talked to us. He had no idea his mom had so many friends and wanted to know how we all met you. He has so much personality – funny, outgoing and really reminded me of you.

It was bittersweet being in your city with Paula, Cee & Brian and Jimmy. We reminisced a lot – ate, hung out, took photos, walked around, got a few dessert options from Smiths for your celebration.

I don’t know when I will get over this and be ‘back to normal’…I’m still having a hard time accepting it.

Please send me a sign so I know you’re listening to me. I want to hear your voice just like you always loved hearing mine.

I really want to delete my @savethesavages IG account and my Facebook since I hardly use it but there are so many DM’s and comments from you that I’m just not ready to let go of.


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