Jimmy keeps thinking you will pop up and say “SURPRISE! I pranked you all so fucking hard.”

But there is no prank. And we drove to Las Vegas this past weekend to see for ourselves. Your family did such a beautiful job honoring you, it felt as if you were still there.

What really hurt though was seeing your mom break down in front of us. I kept it together but couldn’t handle it at the same time.

What was really cool was that Orion actually talked to us. He had no idea his mom had so many friends and wanted to know how we all met you. He has so much personality โ€“ funny, outgoing and really reminded me of you.

It was bittersweet being in your city with Paula, Cee & Brian and Jimmy. We reminisced a lot โ€“ ate, hung out, took photos, walked around, got a few dessert options from Smiths for your celebration.

I don’t know when I will get over this and be ‘back to normal’…I’m still having a hard time accepting it.

Please send me a sign so I know you’re listening to me. I want to hear your voice just like you always loved hearing mine.

I really want to delete my @savethesavages IG account and my Facebook since I hardly use it but there are so many DM’s and comments from you that I’m just not ready to let go of.

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I’m just writing this based on personal experience. I’m writing this because I’ve had a couple of experiences recently that felt like spirit communication. It happened with two people that I love who have passed on from their physical bodies: my mom and my best friend, Roxy.

Spirit communication sounds scary, but it really doesn’t have to be. Remember, we are all spirits too โ€“ energy with a consciousness โ€“ it just so happens that we are still in our physical bodies.

As some of you may know, I’ve been developing my psychic abilities. And in order to become psychic, you must learn to meditate.

The book I’m reading suggests that you can meditate with music to engage psychic visions, and so that’s exactly what I did: play a particular piece of music that that person loved when they were still around.

I want to mention that on both occasions, I wasn’t expecting it to happen. But it did.

When I did it playing Moonlight Sonata, my mom came through.

When I did it playing Lana Del Rey’s ‘Young and Beautiful’, Roxy came through.

So how do I know it’s real? It was real because I was crying uncontrollably. If you have a strong emotional bond with that person, then you will know that it’s real.

Another way to know it’s real is when you can see it with your third eye, when you are able to describe details – what the person is wearing, where you are at and what is happening. It’s similar to dreaming, except you are conscious and aware.

I also want to mention that the spirit of the person may not talk to you directly, but send you a psychic message. Or they may not say anything to you at all but communicate with you visually. You might feel scared at first – since in the spiritual realm anything goes, you will see more than you anticipated, forcing you to face your own fears and old beliefs.

So before you try this on your own, make sure you are spiritually grounded and have some experience meditating; yes, you will feel strong emotions like I did (especially if the person just recently died), but be sure to remain present meaning you have to have one foot in your physical reality while you’re in the spirit realm. Say a prayer before you begin, asking for guidance & protection. This is different from a regular meditation in that you are actually seeing with your mind’s eye and interacting with the spirit.

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Today is a very hard day, especially driving to and then being at work. I wanted to post this on Instagram but couldn’t bring myself to do it…it’s still too soon. Except for people that already know, I’m not ready for other people to leave comments of condolences, so I’m doing it here where no one really reads my blog.

I found out yesterday late afternoon that one of my bestest friends, Roxy passed away unexpectedly on Sunday morning, October 20th.

My heart hurts so bad, no one can hardly believe this is even real. I was hoping it was a joke. Not only that but now I also have a sore throat and runny nose which makes everything even worse, literally making my chest hurt…I’m exhausted.

I pulled this card today: Five of Cups. Loss, disappointments in love and relationships. Sad emotions. In the photo is a sticker of one of Roxy’s old illustrations.

The tarot never lies, it always knows exactly what’s going on with you and reflects it back whether you are consciously aware of it or not. This one was completely obvious.

I can’t believe this happened and I miss her so much already. She was only 36. I keep expecting for her to react to one of my IG stories or for her to post a pic or a story. All I can do at this point is read old DMs and look at photos and videos of her painting with her bunny. I collected her art over the years too.

The last time I experienced overwhelming grief and sadness was when my mom passed in 2006.

Everytime I listen to this song by Lana Del Rey, I start crying uncontrollably…Roxy loved LDR and even saw her live.

I tuned in to her energy while the song was playing and the impression I got was โ€“ she felt really bad for putting us through this but she felt especially awful for her husband and kids. That she was sorry but also feeling scared. I understood, as her physical death was very unexpected. She was dressed in a beautiful white gown with her hair and makeup done, but she was in tears, looking at me. I was also in tears and she looked at me, unable to console me.

I’m really missing you right now, my friend ๐Ÿ’”

Roxy and I at her art show in Las Vegas, Sept 2016

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Iโ€™ve been working on developing my psychic ability lately. Why? I don’t really know. Ok well I do actually (I kinda want to eventually give psychic readings under Crystal Healer LA) but…it might be a while before I actually get to that point. Also, I believe developing my psychic ability makes me more creative? Anyways, in order to become psychic, you must learn to meditate. I’ve been meditating consistently for over a year now with Insight Timer, but wasn’t really meditating to become psychic โ€“ until these last few months when all of a sudden it became a desire, an actual goal. The idea stayed with me and hasn’t left so that means it must be something that I’m supposed to be doing.

I meditated for 6 minutes yesterday with music. In the book Psychic Pathway, Sonia Choquette suggests classical so I put on something that my mom used to play on the piano that I loved listening to: Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven, but only the first movement (the first 6 something minutes of it). It’s moody, dark and beautiful. The rest of it is way too upbeat in my opinion.

Anyways as soon as I played it and closed my eyes, I was back in my momโ€™s old house across the street from where I live now. The house was painted the way it was before: white with a slightly darker red trim. My mom was playing Moonlight Sonata in the living room but it was dark, with only a dimly lit lamp. It was eerie but calming at the same time to see my mom playing on her favorite grand piano. I was in the hallway watching her play with her back toward me. Then I ended up on the couch next to the grand piano somehow.

While she was playing though, I looked up and saw different MEI pictures (mental emotional images) of my mom flash before my eyes – at first she was normal. But then I saw her flash to when she was sick and near death, so thin and emaciated. Basically how she looked when she left her body. It was my least favorite memory of her. Then I became frightened because her image flashed like an old TV switching channels and she became half a corpse. She was looking at me and still playing the piano, I wanted to turn away. But I looked at her, got up and sat next to her while she continued to play the piano. I wasnโ€™t going to be afraid, I have to appreciate my momโ€™s soul in all forms, even in death.

I sat next to her slightly afraid, so I closed my eyes and imagined that she was bathed in light. And so she became a luminous bright, yellow golden white light. Yellow was one of her favorite colors. I turned to face her and I saw my mom again, in the flesh before she was sick. And she smiled at me.

Here is a quick sketch, and here’s a photo of my mom, who passed away after having chemo treatment for ovarian cancer on December 20, 2006. My mom was also a piano teacher while working fulltime at the bank. Her true passion was music and playing the piano.

Random but now that I think about it – there was a scene from Interview with a Vampire where a half dead Lestat was playing the piano after Claudia and Louis tried to kill him.

Edit: I shared this experience with my witchy friend, she says this is mediumship. According to Sharon Farber: Mediumship is when an embodied person communicates with recognizable spirits of those who are considered dead.

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I keep this blog, this website, this identity because I feel safe here. I feel less restricted in being able to say what I want to say and not have to dumb it down or make it less weird for everyone else. This is me talking to me.

I have separate accounts and separate aliases because you can’t lump yourself into one thing, at least in my opinion. You have to put yourself into categories that are digestible for people. From a metaphysical perspective, this is how Consciousness manifests itself – it is One thing broken up into a billion pieces, experiencing itself. That is us, that is what we do.

Anyway, here is my latest drawing for Inktober 2019. The prompt is: ring. I really like how it turned out. Instead of being hard on myself for not drawing on a regular basis, I am learning to appreciate my sporadic moments where I am motivated and can create something that I like.

At this point, I don’t care if other people like it anymore.

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Something I drew the other day in one shot, no pencil sketch. When I came home from work I didn’t want to get on the computer again so I drew. But that’s a lie because I DID get on the computer for a bit but my eyes were so over it. I got off and drew this.

Fact: it seems that I can no longer draw people. I just want to draw lines, shapes & symbols.

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I’ve been thinking about this more and more lately, and the thought really hasn’t gone away so I’m going to just type it out here.

I’m thinking that once I sell everything, I will not restock on more crystals for the shop. As much as I love crystals and stones, part of me feels like I’m contributing to the exploitation of the earth. So I’m going to stop or cut back.

I’m also aware that none of this is really going to stop, that people are going to keep mining, selling minerals and there will be buyers. As the world turns. On the other hand, one of the people I learn from recently said that crystals have their own karmic route so…yeah. I guess we’ll see.

It’s been an interesting 2 years of experimentation with building up this crystal shop and I’ve learned a lot about myself. I learned that I don’t like to be pushy and manipulative so obviously it takes longer to sell minerals but I’m fine with that. I also don’t like the competitiveness of it all so I think I will find ways to exploit my damn self with all the skills that I have.

I also think people just aren’t spending as much.

I’m still thinking about Patreon but I need to build up a bigger audience before I jump on it.

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