“If people in powerful positions continue to hire and cast only people who look like them, sound like them, come from the same neighborhoods they grew up in, they will never have a greater understanding of experiences different from their own. They will hire the same models, curate the same art, cast the same actors over and over again, and we will all lose. The beauty of social media is it’s completely democratic. Everyone has a say. Everyone’s voice counts, and everyone has a chance to paint the world from their own perspective.” – Beyoncé // Vogue, September 2018

I’m not a fan of Beyoncé but this part in her Vogue September 2018 article really spoke to me.

You can read her interview here.

I was digging through old files when I stumbled upon this old drawing. My mom was Christian so after she passed away in 2006, my soul wanted to draw, paint and explore the dark stuff. I was fascinated by the occult, Satanism, Anton LaVey and the image of the devil.

I was also heavily influenced by tattoo imagery, so I borrowed the devil image from Sailor Jerry’s flash. I wanted to be a tattoo artist at some point, so I bought a tattoo machine – tattooed myself and a couple of people out of my home. I was a scratcher, I didn’t get very far :/

Anyways, I guess I’m just reminiscing.

The Devil (15) is still my friend. I look forward to seeing him and I actually laugh, wondering what kind of temptation will he present to me whenever he shows up via tarot, or will he play the devil’s advocate through a person I encounter that day? You never know and that’s why I like him. He breaks up the seriousness of the tarot with his presence.

Something about being in Leo season that’s making me determined as fuck.

I’m feeling a surge of energy from the sun.

In comparison to Cancer season, I feel a lot more stable and have clarity on what I need to do next…sort of.

Cancer season was turning me into a emotional wreck for no reason. I almost felt like a victim? A victim of my own fucking mind when it turns on me and starts to get me to think in limited ways.

I drive myself crazy sometimes. I feel alone on this because I feel like it’s up to me to keep up with finances, to figure out how to bring in more money. I feel like I’m the only one who invests in myself.

Anyways…

Right now I have investments and entrepreneurship on my mind. I think at this point I will have to create my own damn job; I keep looking on CL for something else but none of them appeal to me at all. The stuff that used to interest me no longer does.

Not only that but the deeper I go into metaphysical stuff, the less I can relate to the three-dimensional world.

At this point I really don’t want to work for anyone else but myself. How do I parlay this?

And is this a sign? It must be because it’s all I’ve been thinking about.

The Fool (0) has been showing up a few times now. This card usually never shows up, unless it’s time for me to dive into the unknown again.

And 8 of Swords is the card that tends to remind me of the so called “prison” that I created.

I have a few ideas (some are risky while most are just past my comfort zone) but at the moment I can’t think of anything else:

+ Pull out money from my 401k account, quit my job and live off of that while I bring up my small business.

+ Live a lean & frugal lifestyle. Downgrade to a smaller place (might have to be an apartment, meh) and cut out the cable and other stuff so I can have less expenses.

+ Move closer to my work so I don’t have to drive my car & spend so much money on gas and car repairs; I can just walk.

These are just ideas that have been running through my head these last couple of months. All I know is, something has to change. If this is my dream, then surely I can change it right?

Here’s my latest drawing: Soul Star and the Stellar Gateway. These are based off the 12 chakra system according to Katrina Raphaell in her book The Crystal Transmission.

I get a lot of people following/unfollowing me daily on my crystal shop’s Instagram page. The number of followers hasn’t really grown that much. But that’s alright because I still get sales.

At first, I did get hung up about it. Like why do people play the stupid ‘follow to unfollow’ game? It really annoyed the fuck outta me.

Anyways, I realized after a year that it didn’t actually matter…I still made sales.

Moral of the story? Just because you have more Instagram followers doesn’t necessarily mean you get more sales.

I’m writing this because maybe some of you are feeling discouraged or feel like you’re not gaining any traction on selling or putting yourself or your brand out there. It’s crowded, everyone’s doing the same damn thing, people steal content, I have to show my face when I don’t really want to, blah blah blah…

It’s definitely going to feel that way sometimes, especially when you’re just starting out.

But with consistency, patience and most importantly – using your own unique voice & perspective – you WILL sell and you WILL attract the right people. And all your hangups about other people doing the same thing will melt away.

Not as easy as it sounds, but if you intend for things to be a certain way – trust that it can happen.

And as cliché as it already sounds – you really HAVE to believe in yourself. You have to be your own fucking number 1 fan. Your negative self-talk will only hold you back.

You also have to stop looking at what other people are doing. I swear, as soon as I stopped doing this – my creativity came back; my writing and my art sounded like me again.

I’m a life coach now by the way. Kidding!?

I’m writing this to encourage you and myself. I have more confidence now that I’ve had the business up and running for a little over a year. So while I have some nuggets of wisdom to share, I’m also aware that I still have a long way to go.

Either way, I’m not worried about it. I intend to have fun and go at my pace.

I see a lot of people start their shop pages on Instagram but don’t really last longer than a month. Why? Because I think they run out of steam. They tend to post a lot hoping people will notice them and start buying right away, but then they burn out just as quickly as they started.

Consistency and repetition is key. But also, pace yourself so you don’t crash and burn. Self-care is just as important.

One of my mentors was telling me you should post 3 times a day on Instagram. I followed that at first, but got tired. So now I only post once or twice a day, depending on how I feel.

What most people don’t think about is that while even starting a small business can be a lot of fun, it’s also A LOT of work. You are the owner, marketer, manager, accountant and more…all rolled into one. You can easily go through a roller coaster of emotions too – from being happy and excited because you made some sales, to being scared and anxious because you spent a lot of money to make those sales, then happy and excited all over again because you paid down some of your debt. Yay!

That is the reality of a lot of small businesses & entrepreneurs – spending money to make money.

Would I do it all over again? Probably.

The secret is to only sell what you love, what you yourself would buy. I guess in some ways this is difficult because you’ll be tempted to keep a lot of the stuff you’re supposed to sell!

The other secret is to branch out and learn other skills so you can stand out from everybody else who sells the same thing as you.

Here’s a personal example: I don’t consider myself to be a seller or come anything close to being a salesperson; I am so anti-hustle. Not into it at all. But on the contrary, I AM selling, consistently.

How am I doing it? I honestly couldn’t tell you.

Either people really love the crystals that they see on my Instagram, or they like me as a person. They could be basing it off the reviews I have on Etsy.

It could be all of the above or none of the above.

Behind this human avatar, I could really be a fucking magical being – creating whatever I want to happen next. That sounds feasible to me.

Whatever it is, the effort is paying off – that doesn’t mean I’m done. I have to continue, because I love that I created this; and I love that people love it too.

And I also know that you can do this for yourself too.?

p.s. hope you enjoy the photo I posted with this post! My mom’s church friends already think I worship the devil anyway.???‍♀️?

In trying to figure out what brings me joy and pleasure in my work life and how to attract more of it, I’ve come to these conclusions:

+ I like creating cute shit.
+ I like creating cute, bright, colorful shit.
+ I like creating animated GIFs

That’s all I’ve got. I feel like I could work at a place that’s cute, fun and matches my graphic style, but for adults (and I don’t mean porn). I think there should be more places that cater to the kid inside of us. BOOM, I just gave you an idea.

Complaining about what I don’t enjoy doing doesn’t get me anywhere – I know because I just went there AGAIN recently?. It just brings me down and puts me in a stupid mood. So I need to get clear on what it is I really enjoy doing and not focus so much on the things I don’t enjoy.

Web design I don’t mind so much, just not into the heavy programming. I’ve tried for the life of me to learn Javascript and PHP, I did not go very far.

I enjoy writing if it’s something interesting & relevant to me.

I feel like motion graphics would be the next thing to learn, as I do enjoy animating and making things move.

I enjoy some aspects of marketing, a lot of it I don’t really care for.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I want to leave my comfortable job. At the same time it feels like I shouldn’t because I have a partner and a cat that depend on me.

I’m very much aware that I just put some limitations on my desires. It’s dumb, I know. I’m working on it but at the same time I’m not working on it…

I’m definitely on some kind of journey at the moment, one where I keep seeking to learn more about healing and becoming proficient at being a healer. There is no unhealthy ego attached here, this is where my intuition has been taking over and leading me to as of late. Reiki and Trans Crystal Therapy were the catalyst, now I’m being led to keep on learning more. How do I know this? It’s all I seem to want to think and read about but not in an obsessive way, just going with it and expanding my knowledge and awareness of this magnificent universe we live in and how its energy flows and manifests through us.

It’s a little bit of everything that I like – esoteric, psychology, science, energy work and metaphysical all rolled into one. There’s also a lot of art and imagination involved, as we are working as well as creating and visualizing things that can’t be seen but actually do exist.

So what about the crystal shop?

It’s there, quietly continuing to build itself. My ego helped me create that, but it’s taken a back seat. Too much ego creates competition, separation and stress so I had to take myself out of it because it simply didn’t make me feel good. And yeah, I also had to cut back on spending money since there is only 1 person in my little family that’s working: me.

So I watermarked this gif because it’s the damn internet and people like to steal.

If you’re reading this, I hope you are having a fun and relaxing summer doing what you want to do rather than doing things you have to do. Remember, you are important.✨?✨

Now that I’ve added a couple of healing modalities to my belt – Reiki, Trans Crystal Therapy…

where do I go from here?

I learned it and got certified…but now I’m not sure how to go about attracting clients, at least for TCT since that one was a much larger investment.

Also since I have a home based business – the crystal shop, do I start thinking about having a space separate from my home to do this kind of work? There’s so much to think about when having & expanding a small business but I guess I DO like thinking about it because it’s mine.

I’m in total limbo right now. I’m on a threshold of a major change here but I don’t quite know what it is. All I know is lately, I’ve been thinking more and more of taking the leap from my 9 to 5 and just going for it. I want to be patient though and wait for the right time. But IS there really a right time? I feel as I’ve been wanting to take the leap for years now.

If I fail, then I fail. But what if I don’t fail? What if I succeed? What if I’m already successful but just need to take it up a notch…

That is what faith is, right? Believing and trusting that whatever I’m meant to be doing will work out somehow even though I can’t see that far ahead.

Today the Empress showed herself to me so at least I know I’m on the right track, but then the 2nd card showed me 5 of Pentacles. Ugh, why is tarot so conflicting sometimes!?

Anyways, here is a test animation that I’ve been playing with. The trick is to do a nice animation that doesn’t have a huge file size when saved for output. I think that’s why animated gifs are so good, remember when people thought they were annoying?

I feel somewhat uninspired right now, a little lost and clueless – the Moon showed up a few times too amplifying those feeling even more – but I will keep on moving forward…

and I will always count my blessings.✨

Never have I minded my business so hard than after Reiki II attunement. Other than learning to use two more symbols for channeling life force energy and healing, I didn’t think anything would really happen afterwards…

Let’s just say anything tied to my emotional attachments have completely dropped off. I haven’t had any desire to post on Twitter or lurk on anyone’s Instagram, I feel as if I have nothing to say. I am in my own world right now.

I literally feel like a bodhisattva, surrounded by lotus flowers and floating on a cloud. Seeing everything from a higher perspective, wanting to help people end their suffering. I’m physically here and simultaneously on another plane of existence…

except I’m not a bodhisattva. I still have to go to work and look at nudes. 8 years of working in the adult entertainment industry, let’s just say I’m ready for something else…but what that something else is, I don’t even know.

I was going to post a pic of a Green Tara but chose to do this rough sketch instead and started playing with it more. Her skin is green so I made this girl green.

Everything’s the same and yet everything’s different.

My TCT final is this weekend, June 9th. I’ve been practicing doing crystal therapy on people at least once a week. So thankful that my friends & co-workers are open minded enough to try it. During my final, I’ll be doing a crystal therapy on someone I don’t know…

wish me luck.

I think I’m S L O W L Y starting to see my life purpose…and (I think) it sort of involves the fact that I’m weird with an open mind & open heart and the fact that I also work behind the scenes in the adult entertainment industry.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ll probably notice that I rarely discuss my job. It’s a marketing and graphic design job so it’s nothing too exciting (unless you love sex & nudes, HA). I create lots of visual content sure, but I also look at a lot of data and some of it involves being technical.

But because of it, I’m attracting those who are weird like me that seek healing (they seek the crystals, not me btw) but can’t seem to be accepted by certain spiritual folk because it’s beyond their level of ‘weird’…

Spiritual folk who have issues with sex, sex workers and people who are on the fringe. And maybe even those who are all those things and are also POC. Those are the people who find me. People whom I accept because even though I don’t fully know what it’s like to be a sex worker, marketing for this industry allows me to understand a whole lot more than the average person.

And I have learned a lot from working here. I’m not even all that weird, really…as far as I know I’m straight and I don’t have a kinky lifestyle. I go to bed at 10pm and I get up to go to work just like everyone else, it’s just the content that’s different.

The secret’s out folks: I’m actually really boring as fuck.?

But like I said, I try to always have an open mind and an open heart. I’m learning to recognize Spirit in all things.

I mean, didn’t Jesus spend time with the lepers and the freaks?

And while I’ve worked here, I’ve delved into spirituality more and more – tarot, crystals, reiki, etc.

They’re all sort of merging into one…becoming something new.

I had a tarot reading with a good friend recently and she pulled the II of Wands from the Deviant Moon Tarot Deck and said something profound.

It went something like this:

Your two creative jobs are crossing over each other; they are becoming more fluid. There is no separation, just a flow of energy flowing in and out of one another.

I had to write this down before it slipped away.

Here are some other possible meanings for the Two of Wands.

If you’ve been reading this blog, you’ve probably heard me say this often:

I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

And it’s quite true.

I don’t know why I keep pursuing certain things; I don’t know why I am interested in wanting to learn Reiki, Crystal Healing and other healing modalities…or why I even decided to sell crystals and stones. I feel like I’m not the type, yet on the contrary here I am. The fantasy I had a year ago became a full blown reality; having an online business is expensive af, I imagine having a brick and mortar would be even more. I still really love the crystals though, the ones who are sitting in my home have brought so much good to my life.

Sales have been slow last month but that’s fine; I’m learning to trust the ebb and flow.

A lot of things don’t make sense to me right now, but again I’m going to trust it.

It would be a lot more practical of me to take more classes in computer programming, marketing, design, motion graphics, etc. More classes related to my work to stay competitive or whatever; keep up with everyone else and make more $$$…

But I’m just not into it right now. Yeah I love money, I mean who doesn’t? But I’m not into hustling or chasing money.

I’ve also been noticing recently that employers don’t pay people as much for being skilled. If anything, people are being laid off for being highly skilled AND making too much.

Things are always changing, even faster now it seems.

On the upside, I feel completely at peace. I am happy for no reason.

If you also know me from the past, you know that I lived within my ego. And while it had its highs, a lot of it was low vibrational.

What are people going to remember you for, really?

I can look back and say I was a low vibrational human being. Lol! I guess if you want to insult somebody you can start calling them a “low vibrational being”. They would probably be confused by that, or not. Try it and report back 😉

Anyways, so that’s what’s been going on with me.

We’re all evolving and becoming one with our Selves, one with the Higher Consciousness.

If you’re reading this, I hope you are doing what feels good and right for you…even if it doesn’t make sense! I feel as I will probably have less friends after this round. You will look back and then it will all make sense. Trust yourself, everything will be fine.

All my love to you.❤

[I made this drawing today to go with my blog post and turned it into an animated gif again. Sorry (not sorry), all I seem to draw are pyramids, stars and eyes now. I’m boring I know and I don’t care. Artists are SO full of themselves, aren’t they? I don’t even know who is reading my blog tbh, so.]

So I came across a very unique keyword phrase on AdWords that I saw for the very first time ever:

“black owned healing crystals”

I’m guessing that my crystal shop website popped up when a person entered in that particular phrase. Very interesting, indeed.

Very interesting because I have tried to stay neutral in such matters; like not really identifying as a minority or a person of color – even though technically I am. I wasn’t avoiding it, I’m just not into labeling myself. I truly believe that we are all One Spirit but in this three dimensional world, I get that we have to ‘play the game’ still.

I also know that some of the people I follow on Instagram do use certain hashtags like #minority #blackowned #supportblackownedbusiness etc…

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t know where I fit in and I don’t care. I wasn’t trying to define myself as either or. When you’re Filipino or Asian for that matter, most people don’t really see you. They mostly see black or white people, with Latinos a close third.

This is just my opinion, perhaps I am wrong on that so feel free to correct me.

We fall in that gray area I think where people know we exist but it’s almost like we’re just “there”. Is it because most people perceive us as quiet and not a huge threat to society? Who knows.

I imagine it’s much worse for Native Americans; nobody cared too much about their issues until Standing Rock made headlines.

Sigh, annnnd I don’t know what I’m getting at now. I don’t want to talk about political/social issues on my blog, there’s enough of that to go around.

I’m still anticipating that people would like Metaphysical Vibes because of the beautiful minerals and the content I post, not so much about the color of my skin. But I also get why people would want to support minority small business, we definitely need more diversity and inclusion in every market. If that is what’s going to bring me business, so be it. I’m open to whatever the universe wants to give me, I know I am blessed either way.

Do I consider myself an ally of black people? YES! And not just black people, but every being.

So if you like crystals and prefer to support a minority then yes, I am one. You can buy crystals and stones at Metaphysical Vibes.??