I’ve been working on the small business and continuing my experiments…

For example, I started to show my face a little bit more. That one’s hard for me for a few reasons:

a) I’m looking much older

b) I was never one to really show photos of myself. I was a graffiti artist, remember? Back in my day (hahah omfg), nobody showed their faces; most of us stayed anonymous. Plus I’m mostly an introvert and prefer to go unnoticed.

c) It feels SO uncomfortable.

But in doing so, I hope to be more comfortable; I really just want to get it over with. Small businesses seem to blend in with personal brands if there’s only one person running it. I also hope that people can see that I’m an actual person; I want them to see me for who I am, and in doing so can make a decision whether to buy from me or not.

It’s better that way I think; better to know right away who likes and supports you rather than be polite for a long fucking time.

Of course there are some slight anxieties like: will people stop supporting me when they find out that I work in the adult entertainment industry? Will the spiritual people think it’s gross and dirty?

It’s hard but we really have to stop caring about what people think and just go for it, otherwise we become slaves to other people’s opinions. They might not even be thinking that at all, it’s our own ego mind creating these ‘what if’ scenarios.

I’ve come to realize that the right people WILL be attracted to you so don’t worry about those who aren’t.

Speaking of being polite, I’ve decided to unfollow a lot of other people; mostly other crystal shop owners. They’re all great, I just don’t want to be influenced by them; I want and desire to have my own voice.

I read an interesting post on Instagram regarding this very same topic. It’s from entrepreneur Melyssa Griffin and you can read it here.

Anyways, I don’t have much to share; being an already quiet person who’s gotten even more quiet. I’m just thinking of ways to get my online crystal shop out there in the world wide web. We have to dream the impossible for ourselves, even if it sounds cliché or ridiculous; for in doing so we stretch our imagination a bit further. I believe that the universe will meet us there when we decide that we are limitless.

xo

All I’ve been wanting to do lately is just doodle sacred geometry shapes and symbols. I wanted to draw this while at work today but alas I was on a deadline. And then I made a gif out of it a day later.

I feel as if something is being activated in me but I’m not sure what it is. I read something online recently about the light body – that it is activated in levels.

I’m drawn to merkaba, pyramid, sri yantra, stars, eyes and infinity symbols. I’ve been drawing them a lot repetitively, I also want them tattooed on me.???????

Been reading about the Lemurians, Atlanteans, the Pleiadeans; my psychic friend told me in the beginning of January 2018 that I was Lemurian/Atlantean in a past life…which in a way makes total sense that I’m drawn to Lemurian crystals and was able to sell them successfully, or is it only because most everyone in the crystal world reveres them? Hard to tell but I’m learning to trust that what I feel is true for me.

Speaking of past lives, I’m really into the subject but still have no clue who I was in the past. I guess it doesn’t matter so much unless it’s affecting my current lifetime in a negative way.

All I know is I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I’m definitely IN the spiral and I can’t relate to most people these days unless we’re into the same stuff.

I’m lost and I don’t want to be found. There is so much to learn about the past, present, future and other dimensions.

It’s officially been a year since I started Metaphysical Vibes. I applied for a business license & seller’s permit around this time in April 2017 and opened to the public on Earth Day, April 22nd. What an interesting exercise in manifestation this has been, I don’t know what’s next as I’m learning so much about myself and haven’t been spending money on the business as I spent a lot last year, so I’m paying down my debt. I’m taking an 8 week course in Trans Crystal Therapy at The Crystal Matrix – learning and working with the stones and their associated chakras, scanning the body with pendulums and Quartz crystals, becoming more aware of our auras, etc. I love my teacher and the people I’m taking the course with. I’m definitely growing and transforming, into what I have yet to discover. The Death card appeared this week, as did The Fool.

Open mind, open heart. Stay curious as there is so much more to it than just the physical world. Peace, love and blessings if you are reading this.✨❤✨

Into an old habit, an old way of thinking…

I am totally aware of this. Right now I’m feeling an old habit creeping up on me, the feeling of boredom. I don’t want to be bored, yet I am. Perhaps the gloomy weather is causing me to feel this way, perhaps it’s my job.

Regardless I am thankful for my job, I am thankful for my life. I’m thankful that I was able to manifest an online business selling crystals; I don’t even know how it happened – being a seller was never really on my radar but marketing and building websites were, so there. It helps that I really like crystals too.

But I get bored still from time to time…I think everybody does.

You don’t have to fight it, but you can’t let it take over completely. So I am writing this to my future self as a reminder:

+ If you get bored, remember to just simply change it up! Do something a different way or make it a point to learn something new every day.

+ Read, read, read. Doodle, scribble, draw. Write with a pen, handwriting is still important.

+ Snap out of it, snap out of feeling sorry for yourself. Other people are really suffering and here you are complaining about being bored. SMH. Exercise, go outside, take a walk, breathe and be in gratitude for fuck sake. You really have a lot to be thankful for.

I am all too aware that I am also creeping my way into getting old, I can see the subtleties on my face. I’m caring less and less about a lot of things but I also don’t want to be forgetful. And I don’t want to be helpless. That’s why they say reading, writing and problem solving or playing memory games is important.

I’ve also been thinking about my finances a lot more, like 401ks and life insurance. I don’t have children so that made it a little easier, but I still have to think about retirement and my loved ones. Had I payed closer attention to this stuff when I was younger, I would be all set for retirement! I would be rich by this world’s standards. But if I DID amass that huge amount, then Uncle Sam would be taxing me for it, wouldn’t he? He sure would! So really, which choice is better; and are you really rich if all that you saved up for goes to paying down debt?

Whatever choice I picked is fine for me, I am successful either way. No matter what choice we make in life, Spirit will always look out for your best interest. You can always look back on your life and see how everything actually worked out for you.

I wanted to draw something for this post but I got stuck. So here’s an old drawing that I decided would look better in hot pink and as an animated gif.

I haven’t been feeling super creative and so I wrote this blog post over at my crystal shop website: How to Break Through a Creative Block with Crystals

It’s challenging to want to know everything and be everything…

I literally want to learn how to do A LOT of things. Where does one draw the line?

I also want to just do nothing, really. Have I lost my sense of identity? Probably. I have always thought that art would be my path. It is, just not in the way I imagined. It is still one of many possibilities, and I’m still holding on to the fantasy that I will create in that capacity again.

But let’s face it, as grownups it’s not exactly easy to make “art for art’s sake” – most things adults do has a purpose. But if it’s important to you, you will find the time.

I want to get better at business and marketing because I know it will benefit my little business…

But I also just want to let it unfold without me forcing it to be a certain way.

Everything has to be balanced, we all have to wait our turn. There’s a lot of everything right now, so much so that it’s saturated. It’s great that everyone is pursuing their dream, but not so great when the market is flooded. Everybody is selling, everybody is hustling. I’m right there with all those people, but I’ve also learned to be still and have patience.

I read this proverb from a little booklet (Learn Spanish – another thing that I really want to learn) and it has a beautiful, religious but also borderline occult undertone to it:

EN LA TIERRA DE LOS CIEGOS EL TUERTO ES REY

In the kingdom of the blind the one eyed is king.

Here’s my drawing for today which somehow evolved into a animated gif that I don’t mind at all; I hope to redraw it and post a better version. I’m pretty sure I’ve drawn VII of Cups before, digitally.

I was going to end the post here but another thought entered my mind: I think that’s why I like the Tarot and continue to work with it – it is everything. But when you see the bigger picture it is also a mandala, a wheel. And at any given moment, the wheel turns and we can be anything we want.

It just dawned on me as to why I haven’t been posting consistently on Instagram for Metaphysical Vibes…social media feels whatever to me right now; it’s safe to say that I can live without it (I probably can’t). I don’t have FOMO either (liar). Ha! I do wish some people would try being mysterious for once and not post everything that they do; maybe we’d have something to talk about in real life? I don’t know, just a thought…

Unfortunately I can’t escape it entirely as it’s still a major part of my job.

Anyways…

In numerology it’s the year of the High Priestess in Tarot – add the numbers 2018 (2 + 0 + 1 + 8 = 1+1 = 2).

Last year 2017 was the year of the Magician; it makes total sense as to why I got inspired and was consciously making action-oriented moves with the crystal business.

The High Priestess to me is all about introspection, self-knowledge, deep inner wisdom but also isolation. Lately I’ve been just wanting to be alone; I mentioned in my last blog post that I don’t mind it at all. I love being alone and learning things about myself.

I also noticed that although I haven’t been posting a whole lot I’m still making sales. That is nice and I appreciate it. With all the people who are constantly hustling, pushing minerals on Instagram it feels nice that I don’t have to work so hard to “sell”, I don’t have to struggle or compete to be constantly in people’s feeds. The crystals and the reviews people have left me are doing the work for me; I didn’t even have to ask anybody to leave me a review – each person did it because they wanted to. I am so thankful that my selling/small business experience is matching my personal energy; I kept thinking that my introvertedness (sometimes ambivert, occasional extrovert) would ruin my chances of selling anything.

I’m also thankful that I can express my creativity through Metaphysical Vibes.

Cheers to everyone who is working on breaking free from their jobs. I haven’t fully done it, but I’m making my way towards it; at the pace that I’m comfortable with.

Call me a part time business owner for now I guess.

I’ve been on a solo introspection kind of trip. Loner but not lonely. I’m an only child so I have never minded being alone. But I did come to earth to learn how to relate to others via Life Path Number 6 and The Lovers card in Tarot.

I haven’t been sales or business motivated either and I haven’t really been posting consistently on Instagram at all. I’m beginning to doubt whether I am good with this whole business/social media thing, as I don’t like to be pushy/force people to buy and post on social media a lot.

I feel like maybe I am just a perpetrator, pretending to be in these roles to see which one fits. I also feel like a perpetrator in marketing because I don’t do everything that marketers are supposed to do. I can go on and on really.

Perhaps January is just a dreary month and my energy will ramp back up.

I got sick around my birthday in December AND I got sick with the flu mid January 2018 so yeah – it took me out of the loop and it’s taking a while for me to get fully back in my body. I still feel like I’m not fully “here”.

And now that I’m finally getting better, I’m just thankful to not be sick. I appreciate my body a whole lot more, I was able to recovery quickly and still go to work and do shit.

I’ve been traversing space and time, seeing myself beyond my own human consciousness – watching my own avatar do stuff in this 3d world. It gives me trippy feelings, like when I used to play a game on my phone like The Simpsons Tapped Out.

It makes me feel like YES – there’s an invisible, non-human force beyond me that is also ME, guiding me. Not like a puppet on a string, but more like a bigger, cosmic, infinite version of myself, watching me inside a sphere, the Earth…like a snowglobe.

The ALL is mind.

And though my mind can’t fully comprehend it, my intuition can. This is how we break through the feelings of being stuck, limited, trapped in a box; feeling like we’re not enough.

This is how one can be fearless, and to not worry that you didn’t save up your money in a 401k or didn’t follow your parents’ idea of what you’re supposed to be in this world.

Anyway, this is how I’ve been feeling lately. I had to draw this a few times before I was satisfied with showing it. Maybe I will draw it again, I need a bigger piece of paper though.

We are all avatars.

Resting, observing, watching everyone from a higher place.

I blend in with my surroundings, I become one with it. I am comfortable and free in the cold night sky, hidden among the trees. My feathers keep me warm.

I find peace and freedom in solitude, I hear and see all.

The pale yellow moon is my light, illuminating the fields. Even without her, I see with perfect vision.

I see a slight movement, I can hear your tiny heart beating fast, nervous, anxious, afraid.

I am Death and I coming down on you swiftly.

My wingspan is majestic and my talons are sharp.

You won’t feel a thing.

You will die only to live again and again.

You will remember bits and pieces of a violent past, you will be drawn to certain things without fully knowing why.

You will remember. And when it all starts to make sense,

you will die again.

And will be reborn into another finite body.

The infinite cycle continues.

To will, to dare, to dream, to want…

but don’t expect it to arrive exactly in the way you imagined.

Wanting without expecting it to be a certain way certainly feels like a balancing act; want it too much and you become obsessed, want it too little but then nothing happens. That’s why they call spirituality a practice – something you have to constantly work on. The non-attachment part can get tricky.

There’s lots of things I should be doing for Metaphysical Vibes to achieve certain results but haven’t quite gotten around to doing, like YouTube videos. I’m also supposed to be blogging a lot more too; actually I’m supposed to be creating LOTS of content on a consistent basis. Not sure if I can do it all though. Some days I feel like I should be posting more on Instagram or do an auction or a sale like everybody else yadda yadda…

But it all seems exhausting. Most of the time I just end up doing nothing and I’m totally fine with that.

But I guess I am doing something, I’m typing my thoughts here and practicing my writing. And I’ve been playing with the image above.

So I have resolved to not compete with anyone and just go at my own pace, that’s what I’m doing.

Reminding myself that I’m not everybody else so why do I feel the need to do what everyone else is doing?

Success is different for everybody, and I feel that I am already successful. Now I just have to step it up and see how far I can go with the resources I have.

I feel pretty grateful that I’ve gotten this far and I know it can only get better from here.

I am and have been living in the eternal now moment more these days. Life has been feeling more and more timeless the more I let go of certain concepts, like birthdays.

Like today is supposed to be my “40th” birthday but what does that really mean? It’s a construct, created by humans to measure time.

Anyways, before I ramble on about esoteric things – the whole purpose of this blog post was to post my first Celtic Cross reading I did for myself today. For the longest time, I feel as if I have been intimidated by this spread and was actually looking for someone to read my cards for me; but through the process of searching for someone I realized that I ‘could’ just read for myself (even though I still need help from a book). To anyone who is reading this, I’m not a professional tarot reader at all – I just read for myself.

So here is a photo of my reading using my favorite deck the HK Tarot with the card and card position meanings:

Position 1  / Heart of the Matter: IV of Pentacles

Position 2 / Opposing Factor: I The Magician

Position 3 / Root Cause or Unconscious Influence: XV The Devil

Position 4 / The Past: Page of Cups

Position 5 / Attitudes and Beliefs or Conscious Influence: IV The Emperor

Position 6 / Future or Approaching Influence: Ace of Wands

Position 7 / You as Your Present Self: II of Pentacles

Position 8 / You as Others See You: IX The Hermit

Position 9 / Guidance: III of Pentacles

Position 10 / Outcome: X of Pentacles

I’ve definitely been focused on business stuff lately so of course it makes total sense that a lot of pentacles are present in my reading. I’ve had money on my mind a lot – how to make it, how to keep it, how to make more of it in a way that’s enjoyable to me. The devil is ever present, reminding me of my strong attachments to material wealth (money).

I used Joan Bunning’s Learning The Tarot book as my guide; it was one of the first tarot books I got for myself and seems to be the book I still go back to often.

Do you have a tarot book that you really like? I’d love to know what books you read.

Why let other people know about what you’re doing so they can copy it?

I share my thoughts (not every single thing) on growing a small business so I can look back on it and see my own progress, so I can learn from my mistakes.

I share it with everyone who is searching for answers, as I am doing the same exact thing by searching online. Perhaps what I write here will be useful to someone else, as I’m just paying it forward. I also believe that no one’s success is diminished just because someone shared supposed industry secrets that others before me have already shared. We’re all learning everyday. Besides – I’m not the first one to do so and I won’t be the last; it just so happens to be from my personal perspective.

There’s lot of free information out there on the world wide web, you just have to search for it.

Also, there’s a niche for spiritually minded but weird business people – though making money is the common goal, we are also motivated by different factors. If you follow/subscribe to Carolyn Elliott’s newsletter (badwitch.es) – she writes about this kind of stuff perfectly; I love it.

Here’s some of the things I have searched for; and as silly as they sound – other people genuinely seek answers to these same questions like:

How do I get more real followers on Instagram?

Which social media platform should I focus on?

How often should you offer discounts?

What to do when sales slow down on Etsy?

Why do people undercut their prices?

Is it better to leave “sold out” products on the website or hide them?

*

I will add more to this when I get a chance.

As far as copying goes, I’ve spent a lonnnng fucking time being frustrated about people who copy. It actually hindered me from doing any kind of creating. I’ve come to the conclusion that you just have to keep going and let the public decide; keep putting out good content that’s true to yourself and people will eventually see you.