I’ve been working on developing my psychic ability lately. Why? I don’t really know. Ok well I do actually (I kinda want to eventually give psychic readings under Crystal Healer LA) but…it might be a while before I actually get to that point. Also, I believe developing my psychic ability makes me more creative? Anyways, in order to become psychic, you must learn to meditate. I’ve been meditating consistently for over a year now with Insight Timer, but wasn’t really meditating to become psychic – until these last few months when all of a sudden it became a desire, an actual goal. The idea stayed with me and hasn’t left so that means it must be something that I’m supposed to be doing.

I meditated for 6 minutes yesterday with music. In the book Psychic Pathway, Sonia Choquette suggests classical so I put on something that my mom used to play on the piano that I loved listening to: Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven, but only the first movement (the first 6 something minutes of it). It’s moody, dark and beautiful. The rest of it is way too upbeat in my opinion.

Anyways as soon as I played it and closed my eyes, I was back in my mom’s old house across the street from where I live now. The house was painted the way it was before: white with a slightly darker red trim. My mom was playing Moonlight Sonata in the living room but it was dark, with only a dimly lit lamp. It was eerie but calming at the same time to see my mom playing on her favorite grand piano. I was in the hallway watching her play with her back toward me. Then I ended up on the couch next to the grand piano somehow.

While she was playing though, I looked up and saw different MEI pictures (mental emotional images) of my mom flash before my eyes – at first she was normal. But then I saw her flash to when she was sick and near death, so thin and emaciated. Basically how she looked when she left her body. It was my least favorite memory of her. Then I became frightened because her image flashed like an old TV switching channels and she became half a corpse. She was looking at me and still playing the piano, I wanted to turn away. But I looked at her, got up and sat next to her while she continued to play the piano. I wasn’t going to be afraid, I have to appreciate my mom’s soul in all forms, even in death.

I sat next to her slightly afraid, so I closed my eyes and imagined that she was bathed in light. And so she became a luminous bright, yellow golden white light. Yellow was one of her favorite colors. I turned to face her and I saw my mom again, in the flesh before she was sick. And she smiled at me.

Here is a quick sketch, and here’s a photo of my mom, who passed away after having chemo treatment for ovarian cancer on December 20, 2006. My mom was also a piano teacher while working fulltime at the bank. Her true passion was music and playing the piano.

Random but now that I think about it – there was a scene from Interview with a Vampire where a half dead Lestat was playing the piano after Claudia and Louis tried to kill him.

Edit: I shared this experience with my witchy friend, she says this is mediumship. According to Sharon Farber: Mediumship is when an embodied person communicates with recognizable spirits of those who are considered dead.

I keep this blog, this website, this identity because I feel safe here. I feel less restricted in being able to say what I want to say and not have to dumb it down or make it less weird for everyone else. This is me talking to me.

I have separate accounts and separate aliases because you can’t lump yourself into one thing, at least in my opinion. You have to put yourself into categories that are digestible for people. From a metaphysical perspective, this is how Consciousness manifests itself – it is One thing broken up into a billion pieces, experiencing itself. That is us, that is what we do.

Anyway, here is my latest drawing for Inktober 2019. The prompt is: ring. I really like how it turned out. Instead of being hard on myself for not drawing on a regular basis, I am learning to appreciate my sporadic moments where I am motivated and can create something that I like.

At this point, I don’t care if other people like it anymore.

Something I drew the other day in one shot, no pencil sketch. When I came home from work I didn’t want to get on the computer again so I drew. But that’s a lie because I DID get on the computer for a bit but my eyes were so over it. I got off and drew this.

Fact: it seems that I can no longer draw people. I just want to draw lines, shapes & symbols.

I’ve been thinking about this more and more lately, and the thought really hasn’t gone away so I’m going to just type it out here.

I’m thinking that once I sell everything, I will not restock on more crystals for the shop. As much as I love crystals and stones, part of me feels like I’m contributing to the exploitation of the earth. So I’m going to stop or cut back.

I’m also aware that none of this is really going to stop, that people are going to keep mining, selling minerals and there will be buyers. As the world turns. On the other hand, one of the people I learn from recently said that crystals have their own karmic route so…yeah. I guess we’ll see.

It’s been an interesting 2 years of experimentation with building up this crystal shop and I’ve learned a lot about myself. I learned that I don’t like to be pushy and manipulative so obviously it takes longer to sell minerals but I’m fine with that. I also don’t like the competitiveness of it all so I think I will find ways to exploit my damn self with all the skills that I have.

I also think people just aren’t spending as much.

I’m still thinking about Patreon but I need to build up a bigger audience before I jump on it.

I spent the last couple of days deleting all my photos, since the free version only allows 1000 photos.

Most of the photos were photos from my graffiti painting days, photos of other people’s graffiti/tattoo/art and friends that have come and gone.

Why can’t I just be patient and watch something I’ve been growing and putting energy into become a thing? Is it my astro makeup that makes me this way…

Like for example, I am and have been getting bored with sellling crystals. I think it probably shows. I am also getting bored with trying to get clients for crystal healing and/or reiki. I’m not giving up, it just gets tiring I guess.

I know there’s nothing wrong with me, but I still can’t help but feel that I can get so disinterested with something so quickly and it bugs me. Is it Cancer season, making me feel inconsistent and wishy washy…seriously, what the fuck. Is it all these cosmic energies making me feel out of whack?

I guess I will never know.?

On the upside, since I’ve not been spending money as much and since my rent went up by $100, I’ve been revisiting old books that I have at home and re-reading them, like “You Are Psychic” by Debra Lynne Katz. At the time I bought the book, it was a hard book to read. 7 years later I feel like as if it ties in nicely with the work I’m doing now.

Anyway, here’s a large, satisfying animated gif of bubbles I created in After Effects a few years ago.

Summer, my least favorite season especially this year since the A/C has not been working for 3 weeks now…but at least the traffic is light and there are less people around.

I really wish I had this sweater because I’d probably wear it 24/7.

I switched gears yet again, typical Sagittarius. I’m starting to accept that this is who I am, that I can’t stick to one thing. Been playing around and trying to learn Adobe Premiere Pro and After Effects, but now I feel like I might need a newer computer to handle the more graphic intensive stuff. Anyways, I’m just experimenting and having fun. Check out my YouTube channel for my crystal shop here to see what I’ve been up to.

I’m still thinking about starting up a Patreon but have no idea what to offer – animated gifs, digital art, Photoshop tutorials, meditation videos?

I am really happy with how this video turned out, (even though YouTube butchered the quality after I uploaded it). So now it’s living on Vimeo and I tweaked the colors in Premiere. Getting older is pretty much equal to giving less fucks and not caring about others opinions and I love it. I am loving myself and what’s been wanting to express itself through video. I am thankful that I did those random talking videos to practice talking on Instagram, as it really did help me to be able to express myself.

Of course if you know me, I have to find ways to stand out from everyone else. Maybe it’s all been done before, but hey – it’s new to me and that’s all that matters.

Calling your energy back to yourself (at least to me) means you’re not liking, following and scrolling on Instagram as much. I was guilty of this for such a long time and it really kept me from creating anything for myself. Well not anymore; even if I don’t have a consistent amount of clients, I’ve made a promise to myself to stay creative and push myself to keep on learning.

Sales at my crystal shop have slowed down a lot, but at the same time I really don’t mind; it seems that the less sales I make, the less taxes I have to pay. Paying taxes in California sucks in my experience if you have a business – it’s no wonder so many people avoid paying it. Their system needs a major upgrade too as I got into a little messy situation with them for not paying on time, even though I did pay the full amount eventually. I exercised patience and persistence and it served me well.