I am writing this down as quick as I can because it feels like I’ve received a download from above that’s worth sharing.

Martyr, sacrifice, reincarnation, karma, ancestors, trauma, healing, justice, integration, shadow work are the words I keep receiving in my mind.

Are things worse off than they were before?

Even though it seems fucking horrible (and it always seems fucking horrible), I’m going to say NO.

Black, indigenous, people of color are rising up continuously – becoming more empowered each time one of their own dies from injustices such as racism or police brutality. Though it is exhausting as fuck to have to go through this over and over again, it empowers them and many others to fight back, using the technology that we now have.

Taking pictures and documenting the whole experience with video, boosting it on social media.

The internet is a gift.

I don’t know how to articulate this exactly, but those who have died from police brutality, racism, abuse, etc…

had a mission to do exactly that.

It may seem extreme and violent, even unfair – because it is – but again: violence, death and rebirth is our heritage.

The big bang was a violent, cosmic event. So was the birth and destruction of stars and planets. Even human and mammal birth is violent – it’s literally stretching the opening to its limits so one could be born. Then you’re covered in blood and plasma.

That also doesn’t mean we just sit back and allow fate to happen – as we have free will – to fight back and follow what our inner guide/daemon/spirit/higher consciousness calls us to do.

As above, so below.

So that the masses can continue to wake up, including their own people; so that we can continue to heal, becoming more aware and conscious with each iteration, each death.

It was not all for nothing.

Nobody dies for nothing.

Understand that we are all witnesses to this, witnesses to the United States of America facing its own shadow…over and over again.

On a microcosm level – I understand to a point now, why I’m here in California in the US. It is my home, it’s where I belong.

Even though I was born in the Philippines, I have never felt at home there. I feel at home here.

Why? Because I am American, just as much as I am Filipino. My mom brought me here in 1984. I wouldn’t have met the friends I love so much if I wasn’t here. I wouldn’t have met the person I married if I wasn’t here.

I would be living a life in the Philippines probably, but not as the same exact person that I am now. Probably living a whole different existence, probably unaware and just living a regular life.

There’s nothing wrong with any of that. But that is not what my soul wanted for me, obviously.

Believe it or not, I am grateful to be here right now – amidst the violence and chaos. I feel connected to all people, perhaps the internet is making that possible. I am witnessing the light and dark forces at work.

I love and hate the United States of America.

I feel the sadness, anger, hate, frustration, grief while simultaneously feeling peace, love, gratitude and an expanded awareness of it all.

We are one existing separately, living that paradoxical life for all eternity.

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From “The Tree of Life – An Illustrated Study in Magic” by Israel Regardie

I now know what it is…for now at least. I’ve been sitting on this for about 2 months now, just to make sure it was still true.

I have this job, this resource so that not only can I support me and my family, I can also give back to my spiritual community – whether it’s supporting them through donations, signing up for their classes, or just supporting their small business in general.

For so long it seems I was never satisfied with where I was. I wanted so bad to quit my job and create my own shit – I’m actually still doing that but I’ve learned that it’s a much longer process. It takes time and so I must be patient and have perseverance while I continue to build it.

What I realized now after spending all this time ‘doing the work’ is that – I am where I’m supposed to be.

I am where I’m supposed to be.

Let that sink in.

Once I stopped struggling – complaining & fighting myself internally – and accepted where I am, everything fell into place.

I feel at peace with the work I do now, you can even say that I’ve mastered it. I know when I get my paycheck I can pay all my bills and still have enough to support others as well.

I’m currently reading “Existential Kink” by Carolyn Elliott. Though I am already familiar with a lot of the stuff she talks about in her book, I feel like there are some things I’ve missed or wasn’t fully aware of (like the unconscious) and could work on.

A magician must always seek to improve and perfect their craft.

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If you use my content, don’t forget to tip me on Venmo: piasanjose

I write for Crystal Healer LA, Metaphysical Vibes, Save the Savages & Pia San Jose – my 4 online properties. I guess you can say I am a blogger even though I’ve always hated that word. Blog writer sounds more appropriate.

So I wrote this on my crystal shop’s blog when I was just starting to fill it up with content: https://metaphysicalvibes.com/welcome-to-metaphysical-vibes/ – I’m sharing it here because I never really wrote down how I got to where I am now.


How did I get to this point?

I’m going to get personal here so feel free to skip unless you want to know more about me – Pia, the owner of Metaphysical Vibes.

In the years following my mom’s death, I sort of felt lost. My mom had passed away from ovarian cancer in 2006 and ever since then, it seemed as if I was always looking for something to help me make sense of my life. I wasn’t suicidal but at the same time, I wasn’t excited about living.

At first, the dark side of the occult attracted me; dark images inspired my art and the teachings of Anton Szandor Lavey made so much sense to me at the time since my mom always tried to push Christianity on me but just never fully clicked.

To make a long story short, I was exploring spirituality for the first time with my own eyes and ended up buying my first set of stones from a metaphysical store in North Hollywood in 2012. The descriptions they had with the stones resonated with me.

I also started seeking the magickal teachings of Aleister CrowleyEliphas Levi and others; I started learning how to read tarot for myself via books and I kept collecting more stones and books from various metaphysical stores in the Los Angeles area.

I was definitely hungry for a different kind of knowledge so I started taking classes on crystals, tarot, developing intuition at House of Intuition in LA. My current knowledge is a combination of self study and taking classes.

I am not really sure why I started this crystal shop. But if you’d like to read more of my musings, you can visit my personal blog at Save the Savages.

And so here I am, forever learning and experiencing All That Is.

I hope you will check out the crystal shop and see if any one of them speak to you!


Animated GIF by me. It took a lot of frames to move the rainbow.

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If you enjoy the content of this website, I am now on Patreon.

I don’t know what to expect from it really but if you’d like me to continue running this website, then consider supporting me. While I enjoy running STS and my other website properties, it also costs money.

Your patronage will help cover costs like domain & web hosting fees.

Thanks,
Pia

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My mom would’ve been 70 today in earth years. She visited my husband in a dream this week and it was as lovely as it could be.💛 She passed away on December 20, 2006…hard to believe that was 14 years ago.

Here’s a photo of the most expensive tattoo I’ve ever gotten in memory of my mom, done by Mister Cartoon. He was gracious enough to work with my design.

I admit that I have not visited her grave for years even though it’s literally close to where I live. It just never felt like she was actually there. Her bones are, but not her spirit.

She has a funny way of visiting me and letting me know she’s present, usually when I’m driving by myself. When I was younger, I used to go to church with her and play the piano for Sunday service; so of course I learned a bunch of Christian songs. Well whenever my mom visits me now – and it’s quite random, she puts one of these songs into my head that I can’t get it out, so I have to just sing it. And then as soon I sing it, it goes away from being stuck in my head and I literally cannot remember the lyrics that I just sang. It’s strange but it’s true.

The world is full of spirits, we just have to tune in.🌹💛🌹

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I’ve been wondering why I have no energy for anything lately. And it just occurred to me that I am still heartbroken over the death of my best friend Roxy and it’s showing up energetically:

+ I don’t want to interact with people as much or have basic conversations with them.

+ I have no energy for a lot of things. Even trying to make money on the side is exhausting as it mostly requires me having to spend money to make money.

+ I go home after work and eat dinner with my husband, pet my cat and watch a little tv, then go on the internet, read and do some yoga until it’s time for bed.

+ Apparently, I’ve been looking to fill that void. Like out of nowhere I got into politics for a whole month because Andrew Yang really inspired me and got me engaged in that realm, but then he suspended his campaign. Thankfully he announced on The View today that he is starting up a non-profit where his ideas will actually be implemented, like Universal Basic Income.

+ I look at Roxy’s artwork – I have a few of her art actually but the one that I look at the most is this print of a ghost animal with a teardrop leaving its physical body buried close to a tree. I’m still somewhat floored that I was able to communicate with her around Samhain. I’ve not communicated with her like that ever since.

I haven’t written anything here for a bit and so I’m just airing out how I’ve been feeling this year.

By the way, this site might be going away soon. I can’t keep up with the payments. I’m trying to be frugal and cut out whatever I don’t need. We’ll see.

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Just a video of my cat, Tabby. That’s all.😺

She’s the first cat I’ve ever had. Adopted her in late 2014. I was going for a black cat but this one literally conned us into taking her instead – jumped onto the table immediately to greet us even though the house was full of cats; just full on put her charm on James while I was trying to get the black cat to come to me but he wouldn’t, so Tabby picked us instead. She even jumped into the carrier when it was time to go like she really just wanted to get tf out of there. Needless to say 6 years later she is still with us. She’s going to be 12 years old on May 2020.

I deleted her Instagram account because I hardly ever used it. I’ve also deleted my @savethesavages IG. But then again, Instagram only lets you ‘disable’ it.

So far this year, I’ve been detaching myself from people and social media. It’s been 4 months since Roxy passed and I’m still not feeling 100% well – meaning I’m just existing in a mostly neutral state. Some days I’m at 25% and other days I’m at 75%. I also don’t have the same drive and motivation I had for Metaphysical Vibes but I’m not going to delete it either. I’ve been working more on Crystal Healer LA – I feel that people need energy work more than they need crystals.

If you’re looking for me on Instagram, I’m over @crystalhealerla

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I shared this on @crystalhealerla IG: me practicing how to write magical & heart symbols in the air using the Write On effect in Adobe Premiere.

The Pentacle is the name of the 5 pointed star enclosed within a circle, while the Pentagram is the name of the 5 pointed star itself.

Witches and pagans use this symbol for blessings, protection and sending light. It is not a symbol of evil.

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I posted this sketch to my @crystalhealerla account on Instagram, but I really like how it turned out so I’m sharing it here as well.

I’m thankful that I have 2 sketchbooks to fill for The Sketchbook Project – it gives me something to do and gets the creative current flowing. On top of this, I’ve been attempting to write for 20 minutes a day uninterrupted – during work days I can only get in less than 10 minutes. It’s better than nothing.

As usual, I have no direction with my career goals. For practical reasons, I think I should just choose the Web Development route because I wouldn’t need to upgrade my computer. If I choose motion graphics / video editing, then I would have to get a newer iMac. And right now, I’m starting to hate being a jack-of-all-trades, only knowing a little bit of everything. I shouldn’t feel stuck, but I am. I’m also trying to pay down my debt first, then have an emergency fund, then invest. Trying to keep my creativity a top priority while adulting can be a fucking challenge…there’s always something to do or something to think about.

I’ve been minding my business a lot on the internet, not scrolling as much on IG. In my own world mostly, forever scheming on how I can create financial freedom even while I work. Again, it goes back to paying down debt, then saving, then investing.

I am missing my friend, Roxy. I know she would’ve banged out some rad sketches for The Sketchbook Project. She would’ve also been excited and cheering me on when I’d post my sketches on IG. Sigh💔

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I’m having a hard time moving the fuck on. I know it’s all in the mind but a part of me feels like I’m leaving my best friend behind. 15+ years of friendship.

It’s still too soon.

And I still can’t believe it.

I’m sad but I have no tears.

She feels farther away from me now, she hasn’t joined me in my meditations for the last 2 weeks. It’s almost as if she ascended to the next level of her spiritual journey, where the vibrations are higher and it’s harder to stay in contact with those in the physical realm.

Regardless, I will always love and cherish you forever and ever.

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