I don’t normally do this, EVER. I’m not one to tell people it’s my birthday, I usually keep it low key but this time around, everything’s different. So I felt compelled to share.

Over the years, my closest friends have showered me with their love, humor, originality and creativity. I am so lucky & blessed, seriously. And ever since my friend Roxy died, it’s more important than ever for me to share it, to remind people how important she was to me, Jimmy and my friends.

I love and miss you so much, Roxy. I will never stop thinking or talking about you.❤️

I am so thankful for these ladies. I can’t imagine what my life would be like if I never met them. I would probably be a different person. I met them all through painting graffiti and hanging out on a graffiti forum so many years ago. Oh and through MySpace. We were internet friends that became real life friends.

So here are my favorites, they are from 2014.

From Roxy
From Paula & Dala her kitty (RIP)
From Cee
19 Views
Photo by me, shot on an iPhone 6+

Still mourning off and in and in this ‘in-between’ state where I’m neither happy or sad. I miss my friend. She visits me in my morning meditations, but she doesn’t say anything. She smiles and just stares at me with a little smile, listening to my inner dialogue. Perhaps I need to stop expecting her to say something and appreciate the fact the she even shows up.

We’re in the middle of a forest clearing. The trees are black and the ground is white like snow, but it isn’t cold. There’s a fire going in front of me (which is the sound I meditate to when I have Insight Timer on) and when I call her name, she shows up and is already sitting right across from me. All the bunnies she’s ever had (lots of them) are there hopping around and being cute.

She left me a comment on Facebook 10 years ago today. She knew my birthday was coming up and knew that it was hard for me still since my mom had passed away 3 years before. She was always so thoughtful and said the nicest things.

Anyways here is a photo that I took yesterday morning. I love the colors of this one.

I told her of my plans to see Aurora Borealis, hopefully by my next birthday. In my mind’s eye we both looked up and saw the lights together dancing above the forest. We held hands, it was beautiful.

28 Views

And over time, we are allowed to change our opinions about things.

I’m writing this because I know I’ve written about my Reiki experience a few times, said I wasn’t going to use it anymore yet here I am…still using it and sharing it with people who come to me wanting to receive Reiki.

I’ve come to the conclusion that ultimately, you are the only one in control of what’s right for you. I might’ve gotten influenced by a more powerful witch who tried to persuade others that a certain way of healing is the only way, while the rest is corrupt / distorted. That was a couple of years ago; perhaps she has changed her beliefs on it as well.

And while I may have believed it at the time, I do not believe it now.

Everything is a learning experience; I feel that I exposed myself to those things because my soul wanted to teach me to rely on my own intuition.

Here are the posts I was referring to that may seem contradictory now. But my experiences at the time were real and so I had to write about it:

Reiki and Reptillians

My Faith in Reiki Has Been Restored

More on that False Light

If you are reading this – in no way, shape or form am I telling you to NOT get attuned to Reiki – you have to make that decision for yourself. I am just documenting my experience and sharing on this blog of mine.

I will say this again: do not follow the crowd, question everything. I am still on the fence about ascended masters being that I am not familiar with a lot of them, especially the ones on Doreen Virtue’s cards (whom she renounced). Not saying they don’t exist, only to each their own. Trust your own experiences.

Think of the Yin Yang symbol – it consists of 2 parts – one part is dark with a white dot in it, the other is light with a dark spot in it. And while each part seems separate, it is still part of the whole – the circle.

52 Views

Jimmy keeps thinking you will pop up and say “SURPRISE! I pranked you all so fucking hard.”

But there is no prank. And we drove to Las Vegas this past weekend to see for ourselves. Your family did such a beautiful job honoring you, it felt as if you were still there.

What really hurt though was seeing your mom break down in front of us. I kept it together but couldn’t handle it at the same time.

What was really cool was that Orion actually talked to us. He had no idea his mom had so many friends and wanted to know how we all met you. He has so much personality – funny, outgoing and really reminded me of you.

It was bittersweet being in your city with Paula, Cee & Brian and Jimmy. We reminisced a lot – ate, hung out, took photos, walked around, got a few dessert options from Smiths for your celebration.

I don’t know when I will get over this and be ‘back to normal’…I’m still having a hard time accepting it.

Please send me a sign so I know you’re listening to me. I want to hear your voice just like you always loved hearing mine.

I really want to delete my @savethesavages IG account and my Facebook since I hardly use it but there are so many DM’s and comments from you that I’m just not ready to let go of.

67 Views

I’m just writing this based on personal experience. I’m writing this because I’ve had a couple of experiences recently that felt like spirit communication. It happened with two people that I love who have passed on from their physical bodies: my mom and my best friend, Roxy.

Spirit communication sounds scary, but it really doesn’t have to be. Remember, we are all spirits too – energy with a consciousness – it just so happens that we are still in our physical bodies.

As some of you may know, I’ve been developing my psychic abilities. And in order to become psychic, you must learn to meditate.

The book I’m reading suggests that you can meditate with music to engage psychic visions, and so that’s exactly what I did: play a particular piece of music that that person loved when they were still around.

I want to mention that on both occasions, I wasn’t expecting it to happen. But it did.

When I did it playing Moonlight Sonata, my mom came through.

When I did it playing Lana Del Rey’s ‘Young and Beautiful’, Roxy came through.

So how do I know it’s real? It was real because I was crying uncontrollably. If you have a strong emotional bond with that person, then you will know that it’s real.

Another way to know it’s real is when you can see it with your third eye, when you are able to describe details – what the person is wearing, where you are at and what is happening. It’s similar to dreaming, except you are conscious and aware.

I also want to mention that the spirit of the person may not talk to you directly, but send you a psychic message. Or they may not say anything to you at all but communicate with you visually. You might feel scared at first – since in the spiritual realm anything goes, you will see more than you anticipated, forcing you to face your own fears and old beliefs.

So before you try this on your own, make sure you are spiritually grounded and have some experience meditating; yes, you will feel strong emotions like I did (especially if the person just recently died), but be sure to remain present meaning you have to have one foot in your physical reality while you’re in the spirit realm. Say a prayer before you begin, asking for guidance & protection. This is different from a regular meditation in that you are actually seeing with your mind’s eye and interacting with the spirit.

43 Views

Today is a very hard day, especially driving to and then being at work. I wanted to post this on Instagram but couldn’t bring myself to do it…it’s still too soon. Except for people that already know, I’m not ready for other people to leave comments of condolences, so I’m doing it here where no one really reads my blog.

I found out yesterday late afternoon that one of my bestest friends, Roxy passed away unexpectedly on Sunday morning, October 20th.

My heart hurts so bad, no one can hardly believe this is even real. I was hoping it was a joke. Not only that but now I also have a sore throat and runny nose which makes everything even worse, literally making my chest hurt…I’m exhausted.

I pulled this card today: Five of Cups. Loss, disappointments in love and relationships. Sad emotions. In the photo is a sticker of one of Roxy’s old illustrations.

The tarot never lies, it always knows exactly what’s going on with you and reflects it back whether you are consciously aware of it or not. This one was completely obvious.

I can’t believe this happened and I miss her so much already. She was only 36. I keep expecting for her to react to one of my IG stories or for her to post a pic or a story. All I can do at this point is read old DMs and look at photos and videos of her painting with her bunny. I collected her art over the years too.

The last time I experienced overwhelming grief and sadness was when my mom passed in 2006.

Everytime I listen to this song by Lana Del Rey, I start crying uncontrollably…Roxy loved LDR and even saw her live.

I tuned in to her energy while the song was playing and the impression I got was – she felt really bad for putting us through this but she felt especially awful for her husband and kids. That she was sorry but also feeling scared. I understood, as her physical death was very unexpected. She was dressed in a beautiful white gown with her hair and makeup done, but she was in tears, looking at me. I was also in tears and she looked at me, unable to console me.

I’m really missing you right now, my friend 💔

Roxy and I at her art show in Las Vegas, Sept 2016

54 Views

I’ve been working on developing my psychic ability lately. Why? I don’t really know. Ok well I do actually (I kinda want to eventually give psychic readings under Crystal Healer LA) but…it might be a while before I actually get to that point. Also, I believe developing my psychic ability makes me more creative? Anyways, in order to become psychic, you must learn to meditate. I’ve been meditating consistently for over a year now with Insight Timer, but wasn’t really meditating to become psychic – until these last few months when all of a sudden it became a desire, an actual goal. The idea stayed with me and hasn’t left so that means it must be something that I’m supposed to be doing.

I meditated for 6 minutes yesterday with music. In the book Psychic Pathway, Sonia Choquette suggests classical so I put on something that my mom used to play on the piano that I loved listening to: Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven, but only the first movement (the first 6 something minutes of it). It’s moody, dark and beautiful. The rest of it is way too upbeat in my opinion.

Anyways as soon as I played it and closed my eyes, I was back in my mom’s old house across the street from where I live now. The house was painted the way it was before: white with a slightly darker red trim. My mom was playing Moonlight Sonata in the living room but it was dark, with only a dimly lit lamp. It was eerie but calming at the same time to see my mom playing on her favorite grand piano. I was in the hallway watching her play with her back toward me. Then I ended up on the couch next to the grand piano somehow.

While she was playing though, I looked up and saw different MEI pictures (mental emotional images) of my mom flash before my eyes – at first she was normal. But then I saw her flash to when she was sick and near death, so thin and emaciated. Basically how she looked when she left her body. It was my least favorite memory of her. Then I became frightened because her image flashed like an old TV switching channels and she became half a corpse. She was looking at me and still playing the piano, I wanted to turn away. But I looked at her, got up and sat next to her while she continued to play the piano. I wasn’t going to be afraid, I have to appreciate my mom’s soul in all forms, even in death.

I sat next to her slightly afraid, so I closed my eyes and imagined that she was bathed in light. And so she became a luminous bright, yellow golden white light. Yellow was one of her favorite colors. I turned to face her and I saw my mom again, in the flesh before she was sick. And she smiled at me.

Here is a quick sketch, and here’s a photo of my mom, who passed away after having chemo treatment for ovarian cancer on December 20, 2006. My mom was also a piano teacher while working fulltime at the bank. Her true passion was music and playing the piano.

Random but now that I think about it – there was a scene from Interview with a Vampire where a half dead Lestat was playing the piano after Claudia and Louis tried to kill him.

Edit: I shared this experience with my witchy friend, she says this is mediumship. According to Sharon Farber: Mediumship is when an embodied person communicates with recognizable spirits of those who are considered dead.

33 Views

I keep this blog, this website, this identity because I feel safe here. I feel less restricted in being able to say what I want to say and not have to dumb it down or make it less weird for everyone else. This is me talking to me.

I have separate accounts and separate aliases because you can’t lump yourself into one thing, at least in my opinion. You have to put yourself into categories that are digestible for people. From a metaphysical perspective, this is how Consciousness manifests itself – it is One thing broken up into a billion pieces, experiencing itself. That is us, that is what we do.

Anyway, here is my latest drawing for Inktober 2019. The prompt is: ring. I really like how it turned out. Instead of being hard on myself for not drawing on a regular basis, I am learning to appreciate my sporadic moments where I am motivated and can create something that I like.

At this point, I don’t care if other people like it anymore.

40 Views

Something I drew the other day in one shot, no pencil sketch. When I came home from work I didn’t want to get on the computer again so I drew. But that’s a lie because I DID get on the computer for a bit but my eyes were so over it. I got off and drew this.

Fact: it seems that I can no longer draw people. I just want to draw lines, shapes & symbols.

25 Views