Something about being in Leo season that’s making me determined as fuck.

I’m feeling a surge of energy from the sun.

In comparison to Cancer season, I feel a lot more stable and have clarity on what I need to do next…sort of.

Cancer season was turning me into a emotional wreck for no reason. I almost felt like a victim? A victim of my own fucking mind when it turns on me and starts to get me to think in limited ways.

I drive myself crazy sometimes. I feel alone on this because I feel like it’s up to me to keep up with finances, to figure out how to bring in more money. I feel like I’m the only one who invests in myself.

Anyways…

Right now I have investments and entrepreneurship on my mind. I think at this point I will have to create my own damn job; I keep looking on CL for something else but none of them appeal to me at all. The stuff that used to interest me no longer does.

Not only that but the deeper I go into metaphysical stuff, the less I can relate to the three-dimensional world.

At this point I really don’t want to work for anyone else but myself. How do I parlay this?

And is this a sign? It must be because it’s all I’ve been thinking about.

The Fool (0) has been showing up a few times now. This card usually never shows up, unless it’s time for me to dive into the unknown again.

And 8 of Swords is the card that tends to remind me of the so called “prison” that I created.

I have a few ideas (some are risky while most are just past my comfort zone) but at the moment I can’t think of anything else:

+ Pull out money from my 401k account, quit my job and live off of that while I bring up my small business.

+ Live a lean & frugal lifestyle. Downgrade to a smaller place (might have to be an apartment, meh) and cut out the cable and other stuff so I can have less expenses.

+ Move closer to my work so I don’t have to drive my car & spend so much money on gas and car repairs; I can just walk.

These are just ideas that have been running through my head these last couple of months. All I know is, something has to change. If this is my dream, then surely I can change it right?

Here’s my latest drawing: Soul Star and the Stellar Gateway. These are based off the 12 chakra system according to Katrina Raphaell in her book The Crystal Transmission.

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Never have I minded my business so hard than after Reiki II attunement. Other than learning to use two more symbols for channeling life force energy and healing, I didn’t think anything would really happen afterwards…

Let’s just say anything tied to my emotional attachments have completely dropped off. I haven’t had any desire to post on Twitter or lurk on anyone’s Instagram, I feel as if I have nothing to say. I am in my own world right now.

I literally feel like a bodhisattva, surrounded by lotus flowers and floating on a cloud. Seeing everything from a higher perspective, wanting to help people end their suffering. I’m physically here and simultaneously on another plane of existence…

except I’m not a bodhisattva. I still have to go to work and look at nudes. 8 years of working in the adult entertainment industry, let’s just say I’m ready for something else…but what that something else is, I don’t even know.

I was going to post a pic of a Green Tara but chose to do this rough sketch instead and started playing with it more. Her skin is green so I made this girl green.

Everything’s the same and yet everything’s different.

My TCT final is this weekend, June 9th. I’ve been practicing doing crystal therapy on people at least once a week. So thankful that my friends & co-workers are open minded enough to try it. During my final, I’ll be doing a crystal therapy on someone I don’t know…

wish me luck.

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If you’ve been reading this blog, you’ve probably heard me say this often:

I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

And it’s quite true.

I don’t know why I keep pursuing certain things; I don’t know why I am interested in wanting to learn Reiki, Crystal Healing and other healing modalities…or why I even decided to sell crystals and stones. I feel like I’m not the type, yet on the contrary here I am. The fantasy I had a year ago became a full blown reality; having an online business is expensive af, I imagine having a brick and mortar would be even more. I still really love the crystals though, the ones who are sitting in my home have brought so much good to my life.

Sales have been slow last month but that’s fine; I’m learning to trust the ebb and flow.

A lot of things don’t make sense to me right now, but again I’m going to trust it.

It would be a lot more practical of me to take more classes in computer programming, marketing, design, motion graphics, etc. More classes related to my work to stay competitive or whatever; keep up with everyone else and make more $$$…

But I’m just not into it right now. Yeah I love money, I mean who doesn’t? But I’m not into hustling or chasing money.

I’ve also been noticing recently that employers don’t pay people as much for being skilled. If anything, people are being laid off for being highly skilled AND making too much.

Things are always changing, even faster now it seems.

On the upside, I feel completely at peace. I am happy for no reason.

If you also know me from the past, you know that I lived within my ego. And while it had its highs, a lot of it was low vibrational.

What are people going to remember you for, really?

I can look back and say I was a low vibrational human being. Lol! I guess if you want to insult somebody you can start calling them a “low vibrational being”. They would probably be confused by that, or not. Try it and report back 😉

Anyways, so that’s what’s been going on with me.

We’re all evolving and becoming one with our Selves, one with the Higher Consciousness.

If you’re reading this, I hope you are doing what feels good and right for you…even if it doesn’t make sense! I feel as I will probably have less friends after this round. You will look back and then it will all make sense. Trust yourself, everything will be fine.

All my love to you.❤

[I made this drawing today to go with my blog post and turned it into an animated gif again. Sorry (not sorry), all I seem to draw are pyramids, stars and eyes now. I’m boring I know and I don’t care. Artists are SO full of themselves, aren’t they? I don’t even know who is reading my blog tbh, so.]

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All I’ve been wanting to do lately is just doodle sacred geometry shapes and symbols. I wanted to draw this while at work today but alas I was on a deadline. And then I made a gif out of it a day later.

I feel as if something is being activated in me but I’m not sure what it is. I read something online recently about the light body – that it is activated in levels.

I’m drawn to merkaba, pyramid, sri yantra, stars, eyes and infinity symbols. I’ve been drawing them a lot repetitively, I also want them tattooed on me.???????

Been reading about the Lemurians, Atlanteans, the Pleiadeans; my psychic friend told me in the beginning of January 2018 that I was Lemurian/Atlantean in a past life…which in a way makes total sense that I’m drawn to Lemurian crystals and was able to sell them successfully, or is it only because most everyone in the crystal world reveres them? Hard to tell but I’m learning to trust that what I feel is true for me.

Speaking of past lives, I’m really into the subject but still have no clue who I was in the past. I guess it doesn’t matter so much unless it’s affecting my current lifetime in a negative way.

All I know is I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I’m definitely IN the spiral and I can’t relate to most people these days unless we’re into the same stuff.

I’m lost and I don’t want to be found. There is so much to learn about the past, present, future and other dimensions.

It’s officially been a year since I started Metaphysical Vibes. I applied for a business license & seller’s permit around this time in April 2017 and opened to the public on Earth Day, April 22nd. What an interesting exercise in manifestation this has been, I don’t know what’s next as I’m learning so much about myself and haven’t been spending money on the business as I spent a lot last year, so I’m paying down my debt. I’m taking an 8 week course in Trans Crystal Therapy at The Crystal Matrix – learning and working with the stones and their associated chakras, scanning the body with pendulums and Quartz crystals, becoming more aware of our auras, etc. I love my teacher and the people I’m taking the course with. I’m definitely growing and transforming, into what I have yet to discover. The Death card appeared this week, as did The Fool.

Open mind, open heart. Stay curious as there is so much more to it than just the physical world. Peace, love and blessings if you are reading this.✨❤✨

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Into an old habit, an old way of thinking…

I am totally aware of this. Right now I’m feeling an old habit creeping up on me, the feeling of boredom. I don’t want to be bored, yet I am. Perhaps the gloomy weather is causing me to feel this way, perhaps it’s my job.

Regardless I am thankful for my job, I am thankful for my life. I’m thankful that I was able to manifest an online business selling crystals; I don’t even know how it happened – being a seller was never really on my radar but marketing and building websites were, so there. It helps that I really like crystals too.

But I get bored still from time to time…I think everybody does.

You don’t have to fight it, but you can’t let it take over completely. So I am writing this to my future self as a reminder:

+ If you get bored, remember to just simply change it up! Do something a different way or make it a point to learn something new every day.

+ Read, read, read. Doodle, scribble, draw. Write with a pen, handwriting is still important.

+ Snap out of it, snap out of feeling sorry for yourself. Other people are really suffering and here you are complaining about being bored. SMH. Exercise, go outside, take a walk, breathe and be in gratitude for fuck sake. You really have a lot to be thankful for.

I am all too aware that I am also creeping my way into getting old, I can see the subtleties on my face. I’m caring less and less about a lot of things but I also don’t want to be forgetful. And I don’t want to be helpless. That’s why they say reading, writing and problem solving or playing memory games is important.

I’ve also been thinking about my finances a lot more, like 401ks and life insurance. I don’t have children so that made it a little easier, but I still have to think about retirement and my loved ones. Had I payed closer attention to this stuff when I was younger, I would be all set for retirement! I would be rich by this world’s standards. But if I DID amass that huge amount, then Uncle Sam would be taxing me for it, wouldn’t he? He sure would! So really, which choice is better; and are you really rich if all that you saved up for goes to paying down debt?

Whatever choice I picked is fine for me, I am successful either way. No matter what choice we make in life, Spirit will always look out for your best interest. You can always look back on your life and see how everything actually worked out for you.

I wanted to draw something for this post but I got stuck. So here’s an old drawing that I decided would look better in hot pink and as an animated gif.

I haven’t been feeling super creative and so I wrote this blog post over at my crystal shop’s website: How to Break Through a Creative Block with Crystals

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It’s challenging to want to know everything and be everything…

I literally want to learn how to do A LOT of things. Where does one draw the line?

I also want to just do nothing, really. Have I lost my sense of identity? Probably. I have always thought that art would be my path. It is, just not in the way I imagined. It is still one of many possibilities, and I’m still holding on to the fantasy that I will create in that capacity again.

But let’s face it, as grownups it’s not exactly easy to make “art for art’s sake” – most things adults do has a purpose. But if it’s important to you, you will find the time.

I want to get better at business and marketing because I know it will benefit my little business…

But I also just want to let it unfold without me forcing it to be a certain way.

Everything has to be balanced, we all have to wait our turn. There’s a lot of everything right now, so much so that it’s saturated. It’s great that everyone is pursuing their dream, but not so great when the market is flooded. Everybody is selling, everybody is hustling. I’m right there with all those people, but I’ve also learned to be still and have patience.

I read this proverb from a little booklet (Learn Spanish – another thing that I really want to learn) and it has a beautiful, religious but also borderline occult undertone to it:

EN LA TIERRA DE LOS CIEGOS EL TUERTO ES REY

In the kingdom of the blind the one eyed is king.

Here’s my drawing for today which somehow evolved into a animated gif that I don’t mind at all; I hope to redraw it and post a better version. I’m pretty sure I’ve drawn VII of Cups before, digitally.

I was going to end the post here but another thought entered my mind: I think that’s why I like the Tarot and continue to work with it – it is everything. But when you see the bigger picture it is also a mandala, a wheel. And at any given moment, the wheel turns and we can be anything we want.

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It just dawned on me as to why I haven’t been posting consistently on Instagram for Metaphysical Vibes…social media feels whatever to me right now; it’s safe to say that I can live without it (I probably can’t). I don’t have FOMO either (liar). Ha! I do wish some people would try being mysterious for once and not post everything that they do; maybe we’d have something to talk about in real life? I don’t know, just a thought…

Unfortunately I can’t escape it entirely as it’s still a major part of my job.

Anyways…

In numerology it’s the year of the High Priestess in Tarot – add the numbers 2018 (2 + 0 + 1 + 8 = 1+1 = 2).

Last year 2017 was the year of the Magician; it makes total sense as to why I got inspired and was consciously making action-oriented moves with the crystal business.

The High Priestess to me is all about introspection, self-knowledge, deep inner wisdom but also isolation. Lately I’ve been just wanting to be alone; I mentioned in my last blog post that I don’t mind it at all. I love being alone and learning things about myself.

I also noticed that although I haven’t been posting a whole lot I’m still making sales. That is nice and I appreciate it. With all the people who are constantly hustling, pushing minerals on Instagram it feels nice that I don’t have to work so hard to “sell”, I don’t have to struggle or compete to be constantly in people’s feeds. The crystals and the reviews people have left me are doing the work for me; I didn’t even have to ask anybody to leave me a review – each person did it because they wanted to. I am so thankful that my selling/small business experience is matching my personal energy; I kept thinking that my introvertedness (sometimes ambivert, occasional extrovert) would ruin my chances of selling anything.

I’m also thankful that I can express my creativity through Metaphysical Vibes.

Cheers to everyone who is working on breaking free from their jobs. I haven’t fully done it, but I’m making my way towards it; at the pace that I’m comfortable with.

Call me a part time business owner for now I guess.

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I’ve been on a solo introspection kind of trip. Loner but not lonely. I’m an only child so I have never minded being alone. But I did come to earth to learn how to relate to others via Life Path Number 6 and The Lovers card in Tarot.

I haven’t been sales or business motivated either and I haven’t really been posting consistently on Instagram at all. I’m beginning to doubt whether I am good with this whole business/social media thing, as I don’t like to be pushy/force people to buy and post on social media a lot.

I feel like maybe I am just a perpetrator, pretending to be in these roles to see which one fits. I also feel like a perpetrator in marketing because I don’t do everything that marketers are supposed to do. I can go on and on really.

Perhaps January is just a dreary month and my energy will ramp back up.

I got sick around my birthday in December AND I got sick with the flu mid January 2018 so yeah – it took me out of the loop and it’s taking a while for me to get fully back in my body. I still feel like I’m not fully “here”.

And now that I’m finally getting better, I’m just thankful to not be sick. I appreciate my body a whole lot more, I was able to recovery quickly and still go to work and do shit.

I’ve been traversing space and time, seeing myself beyond my own human consciousness – watching my own avatar do stuff in this 3d world. It gives me trippy feelings, like when I used to play a game on my phone like The Simpsons Tapped Out.

It makes me feel like YES – there’s an invisible, non-human force beyond me that is also ME, guiding me. Not like a puppet on a string, but more like a bigger, cosmic, infinite version of myself, watching me inside a sphere, the Earth…like a snowglobe.

The ALL is mind.

And though my mind can’t fully comprehend it, my intuition can. This is how we break through the feelings of being stuck, limited, trapped in a box; feeling like we’re not enough.

This is how one can be fearless, and to not worry that you didn’t save up your money in a 401k or didn’t follow your parents’ idea of what you’re supposed to be in this world.

Anyway, this is how I’ve been feeling lately. I had to draw this a few times before I was satisfied with showing it. Maybe I will draw it again, I need a bigger piece of paper though.

We are all avatars.

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Resting, observing, watching everyone from a higher place.

I blend in with my surroundings, I become one with it. I am comfortable and free in the cold night sky, hidden among the trees. My feathers keep me warm.

I find peace and freedom in solitude, I hear and see all.

The pale yellow moon is my light, illuminating the fields. Even without her, I see with perfect vision.

I see a slight movement, I can hear your tiny heart beating fast, nervous, anxious, afraid.

I am Death and I coming down on you swiftly.

My wingspan is majestic and my talons are sharp.

You won’t feel a thing.

You will die only to live again and again.

You will remember bits and pieces of a violent past, you will be drawn to certain things without fully knowing why.

You will remember. And when it all starts to make sense,

you will die again.

And will be reborn into another finite body.

The infinite cycle continues.

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Drawing from last week. As much as I enjoy posting crystals, I still very much enjoy drawing although it’s a lot more sporadic these days. It’s one of the few things that can still draw out the creativity in me, and it’s usually quite unexpected.

I can see the reflection of my inner world when I draw. And lately, it’s been roses and eyes; or should I say one specific eye – the third eye – the eye of psychic and intuitive vision.

Roses and eyes are occult symbols, and if you know me then you know I love all things occult.

I also feel as if I need more rose tattoos as I actually don’t have a whole lot.

Perhaps when I did the candle magic / crystal grid a couple weeks ago on the full moon, the energy of Venus is still doing its work – giving me the time to appreciate the beauty of all things, like roses.

If you’re reading this, I hope you are experiencing some of your own magic. I definitely am, as 2017 has been very good to me. Very thankful for it all.

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