The Out There is Right Here❤️👽❤️

I drew this today (Monday, November 5 2018).

I’m here, trying to just be and go with the flow. I once saw someone on Twitter tweet this out: “only dead fish go with the flow”.

So as usual, I’m conflicted.

Like, how do we just go with the flow if we are conscious beings, when we’re wired a certain way. It really takes effort to reprogram our minds and to find balance between wanting stuff to happen already versus allowing it to come to you.

I want so many things, but mostly I want to learn everything that fascinates me.

Right now I have a list of things I want to learn or make my way towards:

Light Language
Medical Intuitive
Holistic Life Coach
Quantum Healing Hypnosis
Transpersonal Psychology

I’ve also been considering going into Massage Therapy but then again I’m not sure whether I’m ready to touch people…I’m still thinking about it though.

I don’t know. I want to focus on one thing and get really good at it. But it also feels like I need to do other things too. Why? Selling minerals is cool but tbh, I’m already losing interest in it. Perhaps I was a bit naive in thinking that I was always going to make consistent sales, but not only that – selling gets boring after a while. I feel that I also made some poor decisions and spent more than I made. Lesson learned, I guess.

My intuition is leading me to a consciousness upgrade, it seems. It wants me to learn all this stuff that I’ve never even considered wanting to get into.

So here I am again, wondering where my life is going next. I honestly don’t know anymore. This is what wanted to come out today while drawing.

Getting High Off My Own Supply

Today is Friday 9/14/18 and I’m on fire right now, or as the kids would say: I’m LIT as fuck.🔥 HA.

Putting things into place now that can only grow and get bigger in the future.

Yesterday in the morning, I did a crystal healing on myself again. This time, along with the other stones – I put my Pyrite with Quartz right on my solar plexus, the third chakra. Pyrite is masculine energy, manifestation, action, vitality, willpower, creativity, confidence; so I wonder if there is a direct correlation with this newfound drive and motivation I’m experiencing right now? I think so.

I’ve been working with that Pyrite with Quartz since the beginning of my business in 2017, it’s definitely doing its work. I actually did a lot of the things that I only talked or dreamed about, I even surprised myself. It’s a trip to watch yourself evolve.

Now I’m working on building my crystal healing practice, so I put up another website: crystalhealerLA.com – putting my digital marketing skills to use to build it up. I’m excited to create original content for it.

I don’t have a whole lot of clients yet, so I’ve been doing these crystal healings on myself – in order to understand what’s really happening when crystal energy is interacting with the human energy field. I want to be able to test and prove that something IS happening, even when we can’t see it. Not for the non-believers but really for myself and my future clients.

It’s all an experiment really, but I really like where I’m going with all of this right now. I plan to stay creatively focused.

The biggest takeaway for wanting to do something, is to just do it. Don’t expect perfection, just dive right in; you’ll learn as you go and you’ll perfect things as you do them.

Am I a Tomboy Feminist Marketer?🤔

via GIPHY

I noticed recently that I’m not really into super feminine pages on Instagram – pages that look soft, pretty and overtly feminine. Super curated and absolutely perfect. They’re great, just not for me.

Look, I’m a woman and I’m definitely soft. And I’m also straight. But I’m not super feminine and girly at all, but I really like hot pink and pretty things. Even the word ‘tomboy’ is not a fit to describe me, as looking at the definition of a tomboy – I don’t even like nor participate in sports. Who the fuck came up with these definitions anyway?

So what’s this really about then? I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m not a super feminine person; I don’t follow all the witches who worship goddesses as well as the moon. It’s sort of becoming a cliché, don’t you think? Even witchcraft is becoming a look and everyone is doing the same exact thing…

I’m down for all that stuff just not too much of it, you know?

Speaking of doing the same exact things, I’ve been following a marketing guy on Instagram who is abrasive and hard to like, but he is interesting af to me because he’s one of the very few marketing people out there who dare to be different, saying some real shit; and trust me when I say that I’ve come across a few marketing people already and have subscribed to their emails & bought their e-books. A lot of the stuff they teach is mostly the same bullshit, just packaged different.

I basically saw an ad of his – Ryan Orrico – and started following him. And trust me, I’m very hard to convince, I reject a lot of ads on IG; a lot of them are pretty bland and cookie cutter. As a matter of fact, Ryan “inspired” me (I put this in quotes because I know to him, the word ‘inspiration’ is a loaded term and he talks in depth about this in his emails) to start doing these random talking videos on my crystal shop’s Instagram page – where I talk unedited about whatever it is I want to talk about. This is actually working for me. How is it working? Let’s just say that by looking at my analytics, the talking videos are what people watch the most.

Now am I getting more sales? Not necessarily but really the whole point of these is to put yourself out there, imperfect & unedited…especially when you feel anxious and nervous about doing it, do it anyway. Because the truth is, you will never get it done if you are expecting perfection – literally spending hours editing the fuck out of a video to make it perfect or making sure your face is as beautiful and as flawless as it can be. Fuck that. This is what got me fired up to start doing these videos. Ryan literally destroys yoga people on Instagram who have these ultra cliché photos of themselves doing yoga in the jungle and basically making the rest of us feel like shit because we can’t live up to that.

I feel like the perfection part is what’s been keeping me from actually doing YouTube videos – I’ve only been talking about it. Now that I’m practicing doing these random talking videos on my IG page with a small amount of followers, I can feel more confident in doing it for a larger audience down the road.

So Ryan aka Yoga Sex Rock God if you happen to see this – thank YOU!

Anyways, what I’m trying to say about marketing and why I follow this guy is this: you have to stand out somehow. Marketing is all about getting noticed, it is NOT the same as advertising. Advertising just gives the information needed to make a purchase. It took me a while to understand this. Most people see marketing & advertising as one and the same because they can be used in that way.

Marketing is getting people to react to you or whatever it is you’re offering, whether it’s perceived as a good or a bad reaction. The fact that they even reacted means that it’s working, right? They gave you their attention. It’s works the same exact way when someone hates you – they hate you but they CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU. They check your Instagram page daily, they constantly need to see what you’re up to.

This is what I’m learning right now from Ryan. New ideas and concepts cannot be created if we don’t challenge the status quo. The greatest minds of history were not liked at first, they were hated because their thoughts and ideas were different.

By the way, The Devil tarot card appeared this week yet again. I now recognize him as the antagonist, the angel who challenges God.

Some Personal Notes On Doing Healings

Just writing/typing this out for my personal reference.

I did a couple of crystal healings these last 2 weekends and here’s what I’ve learned:

Grounding and centering yourself first and foremost is important. I didn’t realize how important this was until you start doing more healings. If you’re not grounded then you won’t be a clear channel for spirit to come through and do it’s healing work; you’ll get carried away by the other person’s problems. This is especially important if the person coming to you for a healing is a friend. But this is good practice for me so I’m glad that when it happened, I was able to stay clear & centered during both sessions.

Meditate for at least 30 minutes before doing a healing so you can be grounded and connected to source.

Healing doesn’t happen solely from the healer; the person receiving the healing is just as integral to the process – they must be actively participating in their own healing otherwise the healing process might take longer or might not happen at all.

How can they achieve this? The person receiving the healing must start to think better thoughts, visualizing a better outcome for situations they want to change; replacing overthinking and stressful feelings with more deep breathing, being present and counting their blessings.

Counting your blessings when life feels overwhelming and stressful is a good place to start because it takes you out of complaining & seeing the situation from another perspective. From there, the person can start to realize that things CAN be different.

Remember, you are the only thinker in your mind. Your life can be however you want it to be, but you have to be actively changing it and not just ‘allowing’ it to happen and feeling like a victim.

If you don’t have a lot of colored stones to work with, then Quartz crystals will do just fine as it is an all purpose healing crystal. But you still want to balance all the chakras by placing a crystal on each center, programming it with the color to balance that specific chakra.

Reiki yourself and your client during the healing session so that you don’t get tired from the healing, I find that this works well for me. I didn’t feel tired during and after the healing session.

I’m really thankful that I’m learning & gaining experience from this.

A Powerful Quote from Beyoncé

“If people in powerful positions continue to hire and cast only people who look like them, sound like them, come from the same neighborhoods they grew up in, they will never have a greater understanding of experiences different from their own. They will hire the same models, curate the same art, cast the same actors over and over again, and we will all lose. The beauty of social media is it’s completely democratic. Everyone has a say. Everyone’s voice counts, and everyone has a chance to paint the world from their own perspective.” – Beyoncé // Vogue, September 2018

I’m not a fan of Beyoncé but this part in her Vogue September 2018 article really spoke to me.

You can read her interview here.

I Like Creating Cute Things

In trying to figure out what brings me joy and pleasure in my work life and how to attract more of it, I’ve come to these conclusions:

+ I like creating cute shit.
+ I like creating cute, bright, colorful shit.
+ I like creating animated GIFs

That’s all I’ve got. I feel like I could work at a place that’s cute, fun and matches my graphic style, but for adults (and I don’t mean porn). I think there should be more places that cater to the kid inside of us. BOOM, I just gave you an idea.

Complaining about what I don’t enjoy doing doesn’t get me anywhere – I know because I just went there AGAIN recently😫. It just brings me down and puts me in a stupid mood. So I need to get clear on what it is I really enjoy doing and not focus so much on the things I don’t enjoy.

Web design I don’t mind so much, just not into the heavy programming. I’ve tried for the life of me to learn Javascript and PHP, I did not go very far.

I enjoy writing if it’s something interesting & relevant to me.

I feel like motion graphics would be the next thing to learn, as I do enjoy animating and making things move.

I enjoy some aspects of marketing, a lot of it I don’t really care for.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I want to leave my comfortable job. At the same time it feels like I shouldn’t because I have a partner and a cat that depend on me.

I’m very much aware that I just put some limitations on my desires. It’s dumb, I know. I’m working on it but at the same time I’m not working on it…

I’m definitely on some kind of journey at the moment, one where I keep seeking to learn more about healing and becoming proficient at being a healer. There is no unhealthy ego attached here, this is where my intuition has been taking over and leading me to as of late. Reiki and Trans Crystal Therapy were the catalyst, now I’m being led to keep on learning more. How do I know this? It’s all I seem to want to think and read about but not in an obsessive way, just going with it and expanding my knowledge and awareness of this magnificent universe we live in and how its energy flows and manifests through us.

It’s a little bit of everything that I like – esoteric, psychology, science, energy work and metaphysical all rolled into one. There’s also a lot of art and imagination involved, as we are working as well as creating and visualizing things that can’t be seen but actually do exist.

So what about the crystal shop?

It’s there, quietly continuing to build itself. My ego helped me create that, but it’s taken a back seat. Too much ego creates competition, separation and stress so I had to take myself out of it because it simply didn’t make me feel good. And yeah, I also had to cut back on spending money since there is only 1 person in my little family that’s working: me.

So I watermarked this gif because it’s the damn internet and people like to steal.

If you’re reading this, I hope you are having a fun and relaxing summer doing what you want to do rather than doing things you have to do. Remember, you are important.✨🖤✨

On Some Life Purpose Shit

I think I’m S L O W L Y starting to see my life purpose…and (I think) it sort of involves the fact that I’m weird with an open mind & open heart and the fact that I also work behind the scenes in the adult entertainment industry.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ll probably notice that I rarely discuss my job. It’s a marketing and graphic design job so it’s nothing too exciting (unless you love sex & nudes, HA). I create lots of visual content sure, but I also look at a lot of data and some of it involves being technical.

But because of it, I’m attracting those who are weird like me that seek healing (they seek the crystals, not me btw) but can’t seem to be accepted by certain spiritual folk because it’s beyond their level of ‘weird’…

Spiritual folk who have issues with sex, sex workers and people who are on the fringe. And maybe even those who are all those things and are also POC. Those are the people who find me. People whom I accept because even though I don’t fully know what it’s like to be a sex worker, marketing for this industry allows me to understand a whole lot more than the average person.

And I have learned a lot from working here. I’m not even all that weird, really…as far as I know I’m straight and I don’t have a kinky lifestyle. I go to bed at 10pm and I get up to go to work just like everyone else, it’s just the content that’s different.

The secret’s out folks: I’m actually really boring as fuck.😉

But like I said, I try to always have an open mind and an open heart. I’m learning to recognize Spirit in all things.

I mean, didn’t Jesus spend time with the lepers and the freaks?

And while I’ve worked here, I’ve delved into spirituality more and more – tarot, crystals, reiki, etc.

They’re all sort of merging into one…becoming something new.

I had a tarot reading with a good friend recently and she pulled the II of Wands from the Deviant Moon Tarot Deck and said something profound.

It went something like this:

Your two creative jobs are crossing over each other; they are becoming more fluid. There is no separation, just a flow of energy flowing in and out of one another.

I had to write this down before it slipped away.

Here are some other possible meanings for the Two of Wands.

In the Pursuit of Healing and the Unknown

If you’ve been reading this blog, you’ve probably heard me say this often:

I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

And it’s quite true.

I don’t know why I keep pursuing certain things; I don’t know why I am interested in wanting to learn Reiki, Crystal Healing and other healing modalities…or why I even decided to sell crystals and stones. I feel like I’m not the type, yet on the contrary here I am. The fantasy I had a year ago became a full blown reality; having an online business is expensive af, I imagine having a brick and mortar would be even more. I still really love the crystals though, the ones who are sitting in my home have brought so much good to my life.

Sales have been slow last month but that’s fine; I’m learning to trust the ebb and flow.

A lot of things don’t make sense to me right now, but again I’m going to trust it.

It would be a lot more practical of me to take more classes in computer programming, marketing, design, motion graphics, etc. More classes related to my work to stay competitive or whatever; keep up with everyone else and make more $$$…

But I’m just not into it right now. Yeah I love money, I mean who doesn’t? But I’m not into hustling or chasing money.

I’ve also been noticing recently that employers don’t pay people as much for being skilled. If anything, people are being laid off for being highly skilled AND making too much.

Things are always changing, even faster now it seems.

On the upside, I feel completely at peace. I am happy for no reason.

If you also know me from the past, you know that I lived within my ego. And while it had its highs, a lot of it was low vibrational.

What are people going to remember you for, really?

I can look back and say I was a low vibrational human being. Lol! I guess if you want to insult somebody you can start calling them a “low vibrational being”. They would probably be confused by that, or not. Try it and report back 😉

Anyways, so that’s what’s been going on with me.

We’re all evolving and becoming one with our Selves, one with the Higher Consciousness.

If you’re reading this, I hope you are doing what feels good and right for you…even if it doesn’t make sense! I feel as I will probably have less friends after this round. You will look back and then it will all make sense. Trust yourself, everything will be fine.

All my love to you.❤

[I made this drawing today to go with my blog post and turned it into an animated gif again. Sorry (not sorry), all I seem to draw are pyramids, stars and eyes now. I’m boring I know and I don’t care. Artists are SO full of themselves, aren’t they? I don’t even know who is reading my blog tbh, so.]

Vulnerability and Other Random Thoughts

I’ve been working on the small business and continuing my experiments…

For example, I started to show my face a little bit more. That one’s hard for me for a few reasons:

a) I’m looking much older

b) I was never one to really show photos of myself. I was a graffiti artist, remember? Back in my day (hahah omfg), nobody showed their faces; most of us stayed anonymous. Plus I’m mostly an introvert and prefer to go unnoticed.

c) It feels SO uncomfortable.

But in doing so, I hope to be more comfortable; I really just want to get it over with. Small businesses seem to blend in with personal brands if there’s only one person running it. I also hope that people can see that I’m an actual person; I want them to see me for who I am, and in doing so can make a decision whether to buy from me or not.

It’s better that way I think; better to know right away who likes and supports you rather than be polite for a long fucking time.

Of course there are some slight anxieties like: will people stop supporting me when they find out that I work in the adult entertainment industry? Will the spiritual people think it’s gross and dirty?

It’s hard but we really have to stop caring about what people think and just go for it, otherwise we become slaves to other people’s opinions. They might not even be thinking that at all, it’s our own ego mind creating these ‘what if’ scenarios.

I’ve come to realize that the right people WILL be attracted to you so don’t worry about those who aren’t.

Speaking of being polite, I’ve decided to unfollow a lot of other people; mostly other crystal shop owners. They’re all great, I just don’t want to be influenced by them; I want and desire to have my own voice.

I read an interesting post on Instagram regarding this very same topic. It’s from entrepreneur Melyssa Griffin and you can read it here.

Anyways, I don’t have much to share; being an already quiet person who’s gotten even more quiet. I’m just thinking of ways to get my online crystal shop out there in the world wide web. We have to dream the impossible for ourselves, even if it sounds cliché or ridiculous; for in doing so we stretch our imagination a bit further. I believe that the universe will meet us there when we decide that we are limitless.

xo