I Like Creating Cute Things

In trying to figure out what brings me joy and pleasure in my work life and how to attract more of it, I’ve come to these conclusions:

+ I like creating cute shit.
+ I like creating cute, bright, colorful shit.
+ I like creating animated GIFs

That’s all I’ve got. I feel like I could work at a place that’s cute, fun and matches my graphic style, but for adults (and I don’t mean porn). I think there should be more places that cater to the kid inside of us. BOOM, I just gave you an idea.

Complaining about what I don’t enjoy doing doesn’t get me anywhere – I know because I just went there AGAIN recently😫. It just brings me down and puts me in a stupid mood. So I need to get clear on what it is I really enjoy doing and not focus so much on the things I don’t enjoy.

Web design I don’t mind so much, just not into the heavy programming. I’ve tried for the life of me to learn Javascript and PHP, I did not go very far.

I enjoy writing if it’s something interesting & relevant to me.

I feel like motion graphics would be the next thing to learn, as I do enjoy animating and making things move.

I enjoy some aspects of marketing, a lot of it I don’t really care for.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I want to leave my comfortable job. At the same time it feels like I shouldn’t because I have a partner and a cat that depend on me.

I’m very much aware that I just put some limitations on my desires. It’s dumb, I know. I’m working on it but at the same time I’m not working on it…

I’m definitely on some kind of journey at the moment, one where I keep seeking to learn more about healing and becoming proficient at being a healer. There is no unhealthy ego attached here, this is where my intuition has been taking over and leading me to as of late. Reiki and Trans Crystal Therapy were the catalyst, now I’m being led to keep on learning more. How do I know this? It’s all I seem to want to think and read about but not in an obsessive way, just going with it and expanding my knowledge and awareness of this magnificent universe we live in and how its energy flows and manifests through us.

It’s a little bit of everything that I like – esoteric, psychology, science, energy work and metaphysical all rolled into one. There’s also a lot of art and imagination involved, as we are working as well as creating and visualizing things that can’t be seen but actually do exist.

So what about the crystal shop?

It’s there, quietly continuing to build itself. My ego helped me create that, but it’s taken a back seat. Too much ego creates competition, separation and stress so I had to take myself out of it because it simply didn’t make me feel good. And yeah, I also had to cut back on spending money since there is only 1 person in my little family that’s working: me.

So I watermarked this gif because it’s the damn internet and people like to steal.

If you’re reading this, I hope you are having a fun and relaxing summer doing what you want to do rather than doing things you have to do. Remember, you are important.✨🖤✨

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On Some Life Purpose Shit

I think I’m S L O W L Y starting to see my life purpose…and (I think) it sort of involves the fact that I’m weird with an open mind & open heart and the fact that I also work behind the scenes in the adult entertainment industry.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ll probably notice that I rarely discuss my job. It’s a marketing and graphic design job so it’s nothing too exciting (unless you love sex & nudes, HA). I create lots of visual content sure, but I also look at a lot of data and some of it involves being technical.

But because of it, I’m attracting those who are weird like me that seek healing (they seek the crystals, not me btw) but can’t seem to be accepted by certain spiritual folk because it’s beyond their level of ‘weird’…

Spiritual folk who have issues with sex, sex workers and people who are on the fringe. And maybe even those who are all those things and are also POC. Those are the people who find me. People whom I accept because even though I don’t fully know what it’s like to be a sex worker, marketing for this industry allows me to understand a whole lot more than the average person.

And I have learned a lot from working here. I’m not even all that weird, really…as far as I know I’m straight and I don’t have a kinky lifestyle. I go to bed at 10pm and I get up to go to work just like everyone else, it’s just the content that’s different.

The secret’s out folks: I’m actually really boring as fuck.😉

But like I said, I try to always have an open mind and an open heart. I’m learning to recognize Spirit in all things.

I mean, didn’t Jesus spend time with the lepers and the freaks?

And while I’ve worked here, I’ve delved into spirituality more and more – tarot, crystals, reiki, etc.

They’re all sort of merging into one…becoming something new.

I had a tarot reading with a good friend recently and she pulled the II of Wands from the Deviant Moon Tarot Deck and said something profound.

It went something like this:

Your two creative jobs are crossing over each other; they are becoming more fluid. There is no separation, just a flow of energy flowing in and out of one another.

I had to write this down before it slipped away.

Here are some other possible meanings for the Two of Wands.

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In the Pursuit of Healing and the Unknown

If you’ve been reading this blog, you’ve probably heard me say this often:

I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

And it’s quite true.

I don’t know why I keep pursuing certain things; I don’t know why I am interested in wanting to learn Reiki, Crystal Healing and other healing modalities…or why I even decided to sell crystals and stones. I feel like I’m not the type, yet on the contrary here I am. The fantasy I had a year ago became a full blown reality; having an online business is expensive af, I imagine having a brick and mortar would be even more. I still really love the crystals though, the ones who are sitting in my home have brought so much good to my life.

Sales have been slow last month but that’s fine; I’m learning to trust the ebb and flow.

A lot of things don’t make sense to me right now, but again I’m going to trust it.

It would be a lot more practical of me to take more classes in computer programming, marketing, design, motion graphics, etc. More classes related to my work to stay competitive or whatever; keep up with everyone else and make more $$$…

But I’m just not into it right now. Yeah I love money, I mean who doesn’t? But I’m not into hustling or chasing money.

I’ve also been noticing recently that employers don’t pay people as much for being skilled. If anything, people are being laid off for being highly skilled AND making too much.

Things are always changing, even faster now it seems.

On the upside, I feel completely at peace. I am happy for no reason.

If you also know me from the past, you know that I lived within my ego. And while it had its highs, a lot of it was low vibrational.

What are people going to remember you for, really?

I can look back and say I was a low vibrational human being. Lol! I guess if you want to insult somebody you can start calling them a “low vibrational being”. They would probably be confused by that, or not. Try it and report back 😉

Anyways, so that’s what’s been going on with me.

We’re all evolving and becoming one with our Selves, one with the Higher Consciousness.

If you’re reading this, I hope you are doing what feels good and right for you…even if it doesn’t make sense! I feel as I will probably have less friends after this round. You will look back and then it will all make sense. Trust yourself, everything will be fine.

All my love to you.❤

[I made this drawing today to go with my blog post and turned it into an animated gif again. Sorry (not sorry), all I seem to draw are pyramids, stars and eyes now. I’m boring I know and I don’t care. Artists are SO full of themselves, aren’t they? I don’t even know who is reading my blog tbh, so.]

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It’s So Easy to Slip Back…

Into an old habit, an old way of thinking…

I am totally aware of this. Right now I’m feeling an old habit creeping up on me, the feeling of boredom. I don’t want to be bored, yet I am. Perhaps the gloomy weather is causing me to feel this way, perhaps it’s my job.

Regardless I am thankful for my job, I am thankful for my life. I’m thankful that I was able to manifest an online business selling crystals; I don’t even know how it happened – being a seller was never really on my radar but marketing and building websites were, so there. It helps that I really like crystals too.

But I get bored still from time to time…I think everybody does.

You don’t have to fight it, but you can’t let it take over completely. So I am writing this to my future self as a reminder:

+ If you get bored, remember to just simply change it up! Do something a different way or make it a point to learn something new every day.

+ Read, read, read. Doodle, scribble, draw. Write with a pen, handwriting is still important.

+ Snap out of it, snap out of feeling sorry for yourself. Other people are really suffering and here you are complaining about being bored. SMH. Exercise, go outside, take a walk, breathe and be in gratitude for fuck sake. You really have a lot to be thankful for.

I am all too aware that I am also creeping my way into getting old, I can see the subtleties on my face. I’m caring less and less about a lot of things but I also don’t want to be forgetful. And I don’t want to be helpless. That’s why they say reading, writing and problem solving or playing memory games is important.

I’ve also been thinking about my finances a lot more, like 401ks and life insurance. I don’t have children so that made it a little easier, but I still have to think about retirement and my loved ones. Had I payed closer attention to this stuff when I was younger, I would be all set for retirement! I would be rich by this world’s standards. But if I DID amass that huge amount, then Uncle Sam would be taxing me for it, wouldn’t he? He sure would! So really, which choice is better; and are you really rich if all that you saved up for goes to paying down debt?

Whatever choice I picked is fine for me, I am successful either way. No matter what choice we make in life, Spirit will always look out for your best interest. You can always look back on your life and see how everything actually worked out for you.

I wanted to draw something for this post but I got stuck. So here’s an old drawing that I decided would look better in hot pink and as an animated gif.

I haven’t been feeling super creative and so I wrote this blog post over at my crystal shop website: How to Break Through a Creative Block with Crystals

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A Celtic Cross Reading for Myself – 12/6/2017

I am and have been living in the eternal now moment more these days. Life has been feeling more and more timeless the more I let go of certain concepts, like birthdays.

Like today is supposed to be my “40th” birthday but what does that really mean? It’s a construct, created by humans to measure time.

Anyways, before I ramble on about esoteric things – the whole purpose of this blog post was to post my first Celtic Cross reading I did for myself today. For the longest time, I feel as if I have been intimidated by this spread and was actually looking for someone to read my cards for me; but through the process of searching for someone I realized that I ‘could’ just read for myself (even though I still need help from a book). To anyone who is reading this, I’m not a professional tarot reader at all – I just read for myself.

So here is a photo of my reading using my favorite deck the HK Tarot with the card and card position meanings:

Position 1  / Heart of the Matter: IV of Pentacles

Position 2 / Opposing Factor: I The Magician

Position 3 / Root Cause or Unconscious Influence: XV The Devil

Position 4 / The Past: Page of Cups

Position 5 / Attitudes and Beliefs or Conscious Influence: IV The Emperor

Position 6 / Future or Approaching Influence: Ace of Wands

Position 7 / You as Your Present Self: II of Pentacles

Position 8 / You as Others See You: IX The Hermit

Position 9 / Guidance: III of Pentacles

Position 10 / Outcome: X of Pentacles

I’ve definitely been focused on business stuff lately so of course it makes total sense that a lot of pentacles are present in my reading. I’ve had money on my mind a lot – how to make it, how to keep it, how to make more of it in a way that’s enjoyable to me. The devil is ever present, reminding me of my strong attachments to material wealth (money).

I used Joan Bunning’s Learning The Tarot as my guide; it was one of the first tarot books I got for myself and seems to be the book I still go back to often.

Do you have a tarot book that you really like? I’d love to know what books you read.

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Petitioning The Spirits Through Candle Magic

So I don’t like to admit that I was sort of bumming out that sales had really slowed down at Metaphysical Vibes and on Etsy, a little depressed even. But I think that your first year as a small business is always the hardest – there are days when I start to question myself, there are days when I don’t know if I will even last. Luckily the crystals always know how to bring me back to my center and then I am myself again.

I learned recently that commitment to being consistent is the most challenging thing for me right now. Consistency when it comes to posting to social media, consistency in posting crystals to the shop. I’m definitely doing it but a small part of me is also getting a little tired.

Consistency is hard; I read something in a book that 60% of all new businesses fail within the first year. That and the motivation to keep at it especially when you’re not seeing the results you want is the hardest.

One of my flaws is that I’m impatient; kind and patient with everyone else but impatient with myself. I couldn’t just sit around anymore, I had to do something to get things moving a little bit.

So that’s when I finally decided to order 2 candles from Jessyka Winston of hausofhoodoo.com to help me get some business back. Everyone’s been raving about her fixed candles so I wanted to see for myself. Long story short, the candle did (and is still doing it’s work) even before I actually lit it and business started to pick up again. I’m so thankful for that.

I guess the point of this blog post is – don’t be too proud to ask the spirits for help. Yes we go with the cosmic flow of the universe, but we can also do some things to get it moving. We all need a little help sometimes whether we need money, a better job or a new relationship. For me, I wanted better business.

And while you are asking for help, don’t expect the spirits to do ALL the work for you. You still have to do your part – meaning that you have to be really intentional with what you want.

Pyrite with Quartz is not for sale, it’s from my personal collection. Pyrite is the perfect mineral for attracting money, wealth and making shit happen aka manifestation (especially for those who have a business or are thinking of starting one). Also a great and masculine protector from negative energies.

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Trippy Self Portrait – August 2017✨👁✨

Hello friends!💜

I don’t have a whole lot to say these days. Selling crystals and stones along with marketing and advertising the small business I started in April 2017 is keeping me busy as well as learning and expanding my knowledge of the mineral kingdom. I also became attuned to level I Reiki very recently; I wanted to bless the stones that I’m selling with Reiki energy. So yeah, I am very grateful for everything that I am experiencing. I don’t know where all of this is taking me, I’m just here for the ride and following whatever interests me.

This year has been so different, doing the constant work on myself has been life changing.

I am turning 40 at the end of the year, technically I already am.😐 I don’t know wtf that means anymore as I don’t feel like it. It used to be a big deal for everyone, right? I guess for me, it’s not…at least not anymore.

If you are reading this, I hope that you are having a transformative year, I hope you are living your best life.🖤💜🖤

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A Moment of Doubt When Diving Into the Unknown

A moment of doubt that needs to be aired out…

You made a decision and decided to commit to it, but the doubts and other naysaying aspects of yourself (all coming from you) start creeping into the mind and like literally a bunch of ‘what ifs’ start to come up. I’m not going to mention those ‘what ifs’ because they don’t exist, but my mind wants me to acknowledge them and make them come true through psychological repetition…

Why did I make it hard for myself?

Why didn’t I just sell on Etsy like everyone else?

Because you’re not like everyone else. I repeat: you’re NOT like everyone else.

You made it hard for yourself because deep down, you like a challenge; you like to problem solve and you like to learn and grow even though growth is annoying and a bit uncomfortable considering the money you’re investing into it. It’s a bit scary for you isn’t it…spending money and wondering if you’re going to get it back? Selling crystals on Etsy might’ve been way easier, but much harder for you to stand out since there’s so many people selling crystals & gemstones on there. Being outside of a selling platform might be harder but you’ll stand out more and you have more creative freedom. You’ve made the decision to become a legit small business so now stick with it. Things will not always be easy but be patient and persist, keep doing what you need to do to make your business grow and trust that it is already growing.

So get over your ridiculous ‘what ifs’. They don’t exist.

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Cosmic Wave Girl

It’s been a minute since I posted a drawing. I think it’s important to pick up a pen or pencil everyday and write, draw or just doodle. I don’t always practice what I preach though and I want to change that. These days I’m usually typing or using my Wacom pen to create digital content. I don’t like to setup reminders on my phone to do things but I think I’m going to have to.

If I don’t draw, I’m not as creative. If I don’t write, I can’t articulate what I want to say as well. If I don’t doodle, my mind can’t wander and discover something new.

But at the same time, I don’t have a lot to say these days. I’m pretty much minding my own business – working, playing, experimenting, relaxing.

Like everyone I have goals but I still don’t know how they will manifest or what will happen next. That is part of living, isn’t it? As much as we fill our minds with knowledge, as much as we focus our will on our intentions, we still CAN’T fully know everything.

So let go and go with the flow. Ride the cosmic wave.

If you’re reading this, I hope you are well. I hope you are happy and living the life you want to live.✨

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