My Only Fans isn’t poppin and here’s why:

  • I’m not fucking popular.
  • I’m not showing any nudes.
  • I’m not promoting enough.

Become or do the opposite of the 3 I just mentioned above and I’m 100% sure your Only Fans will be POPPIN. (Don’t know why I picked “poppin” – it seemed the most appropriate word).

My reason for this is that I simply would rather be low key about it. If I start promoting heavy like everyone else then I will for sure attract creeps and rudeass subscribers who will demand shit from me and I really don’t want that.

Most people are lured by money but can’t see that there’s a price to pay for it. I would rather have my peace & privacy. I don’t think I can handle the fame, rude comments and lack of privacy. I can see that some of these girls are already suffering from it.

So I’m taking it slow and not forcing myself to do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing.

If you do go on Only Fans, or any of these platforms (there are more now that are springing up btw with better payouts) – be sure that you’re not doing it for the money. Otherwise you’ll be disappointed.

Do it because you like making content and that it’s a creative outlet for you.

Based on my observations so far, the ones who are making bank from Only Fans have a huge following on Twitter, Instagram or YouTube. And they’re young and attractive. And they’re showing nudes.

I’ve only found someone on Only Fans close to my age; she’s a few years older than me and is successful and that would be Sinnamon Love. The only difference is that she’s a retired porn star with a huge following and I’m just a nobody.

To be continued…

Here’s a trippy animated gif that I made – I drew the triangles in Photoshop with my Wacom tablet, animated them and added some light in the middle. I wish I could remember how I actually did it though.

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These last few months has left me feeling jaded about the spiritual community. From spiritual bypassing to fake Instagram gurus, to false spiritual “influencers”…

I know it’s nothing really new but on top of a pandemic / economic depression / apocalyptic times maybe that’s why I’m not as vested in Crystal Healer LA as much as I was before. My relationship with Reiki has also changed as I’m learning to decolonize my spiritual practice, which is complex. I still love crystals though and believe 100% in their healing abilities, I just don’t know where I belong in all of this.

Perhaps that’s why I respect and admire the Devil so much; even though he/she/it is a made up figure it still represents a powerful, opposing force. Last night as I was going to sleep, I pulled the Devil tarot (the third card of 3) from the Labyrinthos app.

At least the Devil, who is a symbol of our shadow / aspect of our true and unconscious desires – won’t lie to us. Of course we will spend half our lives denying it, but if you look at your life thus far – your unconscious was really running the show all along. Please read Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliott.

Here’s an old drawing that I did, scanned and altered in Photoshop. At the time of this drawing, I wanted to be a tattoo artist so I was heavily influenced by Sailor Jerry’s flash. You can see that i borrowed the demon head from him.

Hail Satan.

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I know I probably tend to confuse people – as I’m ALWAYS starting up new Instagrams and trying things – I currently have 5 and that’s just for my personal projects.😉

I am that eternal fire, a Sagittarius Sun with my home planet being Jupiter – constantly searching for freedom and expansion. Constantly wanting to express different aspects of myself, as I’ve come to realize that now.

It used to frustrate me to no end as to why I can never finish things or be consistent for once. I hated it and would berate myself.

Have you ever known fire to burn consistently? Of course not.

I am understanding myself more as I get older and accepting myself fully. I’ll be 43 in December.

I hope you are too.

This was me from 5 years ago. Even though I had already stopped painting graffiti, I was still trying to be anonymous on the internet and wasn’t comfortable showing my face.

Just know that it takes YEARS to be comfortable in your own skin. It takes time to love and get to know ourselves. Once we truly know ourselves, no one can say anything to us anymore. No one can really hurt us.

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If anything, I have learned to open my heart and give with my money.

Ironic given that the whole purpose – at least I thought it was MY purpose – was to make money with the crystal shop. And I definitely have and I’m super thankful.

What I didn’t expect was that I would be giving a lot more.

I’m learning to work with money in a way that I haven’t before. For a long time, I lived in scarcity mode meaning I always hoarded money. I always felt like I never had enough. So I was stingy with it even though I had more than enough.

Lately though, I noticed it just comes back to me naturally whenever I give it.

Ever since Covid hit I’ve been tipping witches online and / or buying their products and I am definitely seeing a benefit of doing that.

Some of these Auras are available at my crystal shop by the way, the Money Drawing Ritual Conjure Oil is from Mētztli aka The Revolutionary Mystic’s shop.

Missing my best friend Roxy every fucking day. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about her. October 20th will be a year since she transitioned. I wonder if she will visit us on Samhain.💛

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This song – Kapila’s Theme by Om always takes me somewhere else. I only listen to it when I’m driving to work.

Sight to freedom rises descender.
Ground to screen of the seer, the sight, and the seen.
Up to obviate the sentinel and ground prevails.
Fuse to seed at the flight into absalom.

Perhaps not being on Twitter is good for me, I am less distracted and reading and writing more. I really was on there mostly for work but then work & personal kind of started crossing over to each other. I don’t know, I guess that was my fault for allowing it to happen.

For this new moon, I re-commited myself to writing for 20 minutes a day again. I was doing it earlier this year but fell off.

Current books I’m reading:

Reiki and Japan: A Cultural View of Western and Japanese Reiki
Let me just say that this book has clarified and confirmed a lot of things for me. If you’ve been reading my weird & confusing experiences with Reiki, then you’ll understand.

Way of the Ancient Healer: Sacred Teachings from the Philippine Ancestral Traditions
This one is also really good, as the author blends history, culture, spirituality, shamanism, metaphysics, psychology.

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Found on Reddit

So I want to go on Only Fans just to try it out, because you know…I like to try things and experiment.

BUT!

I don’t want to be nude or sexy on there at all. I want to be the opposite of what everyone else is on there: awkward and wholesome…or awkward, but with a dirty mouth.

Or maybe I should be a mean girl. I confess that I enjoy being mean and talking shit.

Working in the adult entertainment industry for 10 years now, I’ve seen enough nudity in my life to last me a 1000+ lifetimes. I don’t want to join the porn tribe, I just want to be me.

Anyways, I just want to prove a point: that you can be on there, make money WITHOUT being sexy.

I’ve been dwelling on the idea for a few weeks now, so there must be something there. Also, it will motivate me to get better at creating content again, which I have been terrible at lately. I was doing okay for a while doing random talking videos to get better at talking but it seems I’ve lost interest.

And if you know me, then you know I tend to lose interest in things. And because of it, I always feel like I’m starting over again.

Here is a link to my Only Fans.

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The pros and cons of working in adult entertainment marketing, at least for me.

Pros

+ I love my job. For someone who is a weirdo and an introvert anyway, it’s actually a good fit for me.

+ I get to create animated gifs (my favorite).

+ I get to be on the internet all day.

+ I get to learn new things in the world of internet marketing, as it’s constantly changing.

+ I’ve gotten better at writing.

I wonder, would my bio dad be proud? I have a memory of him drawing naked ladies when I was little.

Cons

– There’s a high risk of your social media accounts getting suspended. This is what happened to me on Twitter recently. Like if you use your own phone number for work AND personal, then you will risk your phone number being blacklisted. I’ve already appealed to get my Twitter accounts back so we’ll see.

– You can’t really talk about it with anyone unless they’re in the industry themselves or they’re cool AF & open minded.

– Since I create graphics, trying to get another job is pointless as you can’t show any of your work. You would have to make up some dummy, “safe for work” designs just for your portfolio which in my experience, has been a total waste of time.

– The marketing gets repetitive; meaning, there’s only so much sexy shit you can say.

– Your marketing comes off as spammy.

– Spammers and scammers are then attracted to you.

– It’s really competitive and if you’re successful, other people will just copy exactly what you’re doing and basically steal your shit.

Remember: high risk = high rewards. No matter how much the big social media companies try to suppress adult entertainment, people are always looking for it. 

About the gif animation:

I made it in Photoshop with 4 frames. So with each frame, you tweak the lips and the chin just a little to simulate movement. Maybe I will write a tutorial on this.

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so fucking addicting? I hate it and want to wean myself off of it. It’s not like I have a lot of friends to keep up with nor do I get a bunch of likes on my posts. It’s the scrolling part – addicted to seeing photos and addicted to information, I guess? I don’t know. As a creative person, I’m definitely stimulated by images.

I know I can do better things with my time…and yet I don’t.

I only draw or get creative when I know I have a deadline.

Otherwise, I’d much rather be doing absolutely nothing, or scrolling. Ugh.

I’m also aware that it’s Mercury Rx and I really should just chill the fuck out and be easy on myself. Why do I beat myself up for not being creative enough?

Roxy’s birthday is August 3, it is still unreal to me that she is gone. The few months since her passing was the strongest connection I had to her. I miss her so much, social media & the internet isn’t quite the same without her.

Smile now, cry later.

Fuck the world.

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I really have tried, but I don’t have the energy that other people have to post consistently on social media.

As a mutable fire sign, I notice that I can definitely get it started but to continue it for the long run? Nope.

I am accepting it and not trashing my own abilities to stay relevant. I just don’t care that much either way.

What’s even crazier is that I looked into my Sidereal astrological sign recently and it turns out that…

I’m actually a Scorpio, and I can kinda see that; Scorpios are secretive and mysterious.

Here’s a photo of some candles I purchased recently from Mētztli at Revolutionary Mystic. I especially love the art on each label. Of course as soon as I lit the Solve et Coagula candle, I was immediately guided to revisit Transcendental Magic by Eliphas Levi; a book that normally puts me to sleep due to its arcane language…

oddly enough I couldn’t put the book down, and I understood a lot of it this time around.

Is there a devil? What is the devil? As to the first point, science is silent, philosophy denies it at hazard, religion only answers in the affirmative. As to the second point, religion states that the devil is the fallen angel; occult philosophy accepts and explains this definition.

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