I’ve been thinking about this more and more lately, and the thought really hasn’t gone away so I’m going to just type it out here.

I’m thinking that once I sell everything, I will not restock on more crystals for the shop. As much as I love crystals and stones, part of me feels like I’m contributing to the exploitation of the earth. So I’m going to stop or cut back.

I’m also aware that none of this is really going to stop, that people are going to keep mining, selling minerals and there will be buyers. As the world turns. On the other hand, one of the people I learn from recently said that crystals have their own karmic route so…yeah. I guess we’ll see.

It’s been an interesting 2 years of experimentation with building up this crystal shop and I’ve learned a lot about myself. I learned that I don’t like to be pushy and manipulative so obviously it takes longer to sell minerals but I’m fine with that. I also don’t like the competitiveness of it all so I think I will find ways to exploit my damn self with all the skills that I have.

I also think people just aren’t spending as much.

I’m still thinking about Patreon but I need to build up a bigger audience before I jump on it.

I spent the last couple of days deleting all my photos, since the free version only allows 1000 photos.

Most of the photos were photos from my graffiti painting days, photos of other people’s graffiti/tattoo/art and friends that have come and gone.

Why can’t I just be patient and watch something I’ve been growing and putting energy into become a thing? Is it my astro makeup that makes me this way…

Like for example, I am and have been getting bored with sellling crystals. I think it probably shows. I am also getting bored with trying to get clients for crystal healing and/or reiki. I’m not giving up, it just gets tiring I guess.

I know there’s nothing wrong with me, but I still can’t help but feel that I can get so disinterested with something so quickly and it bugs me. Is it Cancer season, making me feel inconsistent and wishy washy…seriously, what the fuck. Is it all these cosmic energies making me feel out of whack?

I guess I will never know.?

On the upside, since I’ve not been spending money as much and since my rent went up by $100, I’ve been revisiting old books that I have at home and re-reading them, like “You Are Psychic” by Debra Lynne Katz. At the time I bought the book, it was a hard book to read. 7 years later I feel like as if it ties in nicely with the work I’m doing now.

Anyway, here’s a large, satisfying animated gif of bubbles I created in After Effects a few years ago.

Summer, my least favorite season especially this year since the A/C has not been working for 3 weeks now…but at least the traffic is light and there are less people around.

I really wish I had this sweater because I’d probably wear it 24/7.

I switched gears yet again, typical Sagittarius. I’m starting to accept that this is who I am, that I can’t stick to one thing. Been playing around and trying to learn Adobe Premiere Pro and After Effects, but now I feel like I might need a newer computer to handle the more graphic intensive stuff. Anyways, I’m just experimenting and having fun. Check out my YouTube channel for my crystal shop here to see what I’ve been up to.

I’m still thinking about starting up a Patreon but have no idea what to offer – animated gifs, digital art, Photoshop tutorials, meditation videos?

I really love how this one turned out. Yes, I put an Instagram filter on it to make it even darker and more moodier, but wow go me. I really need to play with After Effects more and still would love to learn Cinema 4D. I learned both in 2004 but never got around to using it. So why don’t I pick it up again? Oh yeah, it’s because I spend too much time on the gram and social media in general instead of creating/learning more. Sigh, so lame…

What have I been up to? I’ve been more quiet, playing/experimenting with both my Instagrams. Sales/acquiring clients is still challenging especially for this introvert but at the same time I’m getting better at talking about my stuff. I am advertising but with very small budgets. But I also honestly believe that all markets are flooded with digital content; it’s getting harder to grab people’s attention online but that’s okay, I’m not super concerned about it. Everything will work itself out.

Thankful that I have a fulltime job so I can learn, play and experiment with my business ideas. I’ve resisted, struggled and questioned as to why I’m still here 5 years later, but now I understand. I entertained the idea of entrepreneurship for some time, but now I know it’s really not for me – I’m just not a hustler. Even though it has been challenging getting clients, I still believe that everything comes easily and effortlessly if I just allow it and to give it time.

Majority of my money has been going to bills (which I’m also thankful for) but I’ve also incurred some debt while experimenting with my business ideas. So I’ve been trying to cut back on purchasing witchy, magickal things and just keeping it basic. In the meantime, I’m back to the self-help thing while I save money. Not really driving too far to make my car last longer, which also saves on gas.

+ Don’t give people suggestions/advice on how to manage their chronic pain, unless you have it you can’t ever know what they’re going through so it’s best not to say anything. Only those who actually have to live with it know, so be mindful of what you say.

+ As much as I want clients for my crystal healing practice, I’ll keep putting myself out there but will not force myself on anyone.

+ I’ve asked myself a bunch of times already why am I doing this – why do I keep pushing for it, why do I keep pursuing these things. Is it my ego? It sure doesn’t feel like it this time around, it feels like something else…something bigger than myself yet still infused with my artistic abilities. It’s going to take time to build, but stick with it.

+ Reiki is a lot more popular than crystal healing. You might get clients quicker if you offered Reiki instead. Should you follow the crowd? My higher self says: no, don’t follow the masses. You know deep down that the Reiki system has been corrupted.

+ Some people are straight up cheesy. I refuse to be cheesy, even if it means not being what people expect a healing arts practitioner to be.

Obviously I’ve had serious questions about the things I’ve been doing and why I’m doing them. It can be a total mindfuck sometimes. We must continuously examine our own motives for doing things we do.

Today is my 2 year anniversary for Metaphysical Vibes, on Earth Day. I didn’t feel the need to make a big deal out of it; I learned that in these last 2 years, people really only pay attention to you when you’re doing a giveaway or giving something away for free which essentially is the same thing. And that’s totally fine, I have no feelings about it – just an observation.

I guess I am tired and want to sleep for all eternity. Not depressed or suicidal, just tired of living by this world’s standards. It’s not like life has been hard or anything, it’s been quite easy actually. I’ve let go of a lot of stuff and I am clear now, I know because I’m around myself 24/7. I want eternal rest and relaxation, I want to float on a cloud, I want to be on a secluded beach with all my crystals, I want to be a star, a giant ultra bright and colorful gassy star. I don’t know. Just daydreaming, just rambling. I crave to be formless. I suppose those who are formless dream of being in a form, while those of us who are in a bio-container dream of the opposite.

Being consistent is tiring for me. I’ve been trying not to have expectations anymore. But when you put a lot of effort into something, inevitably you will have expectations.

I made this GIF at work today and repurposed it to reflect my mood.

I’ve come to the conclusion that all is divine energy – whether you use Reiki, Light Language, Middle Pillar, Quantum Touch or any other type of energy work to heal yourself and others.

I started using Reiki again for self-healing and found myself combining it with the others I just listed. I didn’t even force it, it just wanted to come through that way. I’ve encountered reptilian energy again while meditating with Serpentine, but this time it was benevolent. It was from the earth and I wasn’t fearful; it was alligators, snakes, kundalini energy.

I’m also at this state where I’m no longer paying attention to anyone in particular on IG, especially if they’re not paying attention to me. Whatever that was, a one sided energy exchange – has worn off. Admiration and adoration of others that you look up to is nice, but I noticed that I was hanging onto every word a few people were saying and believing it to be the absolute truth. It might be true for them, but not for me. So I pretty much had to snap out of it and unhook myself from people.

Just know that your thoughts and feelings about something or someone can change at any moment and that’s okay.

I’ve decided to stay in my lane and do whatever it is I’m good at. I’m still really trying to learn PHP, MySQL but mostly Javascript because I still suck major ballz. Not putting myself down, just being realistic; numbers with problem solving and equations aren’t my strong points but since I have to work with it a lot at work, I feel as if I really need to fucking learn it already. Wish me luck. As a Sagittarius though, I know that I tend to take on too many things to learn & achieve. I guess we’ll see.

Quick animated digital sketch gif by me, let’s call her Minty.

Some may or may not know that I used to be a graffiti artist, I rarely mention it now. But I was going through my files when I stumbled upon this piece that I painted in 2011. And looking back at it now, I actually like this piece a lot, especially the color combo and the diamond in the middle.

Believing in something or believing in absolutely nothing.
It’s a 50/50 chance.

Being right or being wrong, it’s a 50/50 chance.

The crystals & stones may or may not have any healing properties at all. It really was just you all along, healing yourself. It’s a 50/50 chance.

Astrologers versus astronomers.
Metaphysicians versus scientists.
Meat eaters versus vegans.
Round Earth vs Flat Earth.
It’s a 50/50 chance.

It’s hard to say who’s right and who’s wrong these days. I feel as if I’ve been oscillating between my own beliefs and then questioning them lately.

Even Flat Earthers can be convincing. So just pick something and stick with it. Believe in all your heart and soul that it’s right and true for YOU at this moment. Don’t worry about everyone else and don’t let anyone shame you for it either.

Of course you are allowed to change your mind.

So many people want to give you advice and tell you what to do. It can be overwhelming and irritating especially when you didn’t fucking ask.

If none of it makes sense anymore, then just pick yourself. Be an expert on you. Take advice from your Self, as it always knows what to do next. Even when you get a tarot reading from somebody else and they tell you what they see from the cards, deep down you already kinda know what’s going on with you, right?

You know who you are, and I know who I am.
I am God, I am Sovereign, I am Free.