Category: Personal

bookmark_borderV of Cups & Roxy????????????

Posted on by savethesavages

Today is a very hard day, especially driving to and then being at work. I wanted to post this on Instagram but couldn’t bring myself to do it…it’s still too soon. Except for people that already know, I’m not ready for other people to leave comments of condolences, so I’m doing it here where no one really reads my blog.

I found out yesterday late afternoon that one of my bestest friends, Roxy passed away unexpectedly on Sunday morning, October 20th.

My heart hurts so bad, no one can hardly believe this is even real. I was hoping it was a joke. Not only that but now I also have a sore throat and runny nose which makes everything even worse, literally making my chest hurt…I’m exhausted.

I pulled this card today: Five of Cups. Loss, disappointments in love and relationships. Sad emotions. In the photo is a sticker of one of Roxy’s old illustrations.

The tarot never lies, it always knows exactly what’s going on with you and reflects it back whether you are consciously aware of it or not. This one was completely obvious.

I can’t believe this happened and I miss her so much already. She was only 36. I keep expecting for her to react to one of my IG stories or for her to post a pic or a story. All I can do at this point is read old DMs and look at photos and videos of her painting with her bunny. I collected her art over the years too.

The last time I experienced overwhelming grief and sadness was when my mom passed in 2006.

Everytime I listen to this song by Lana Del Rey, I start crying uncontrollably…Roxy loved LDR and even saw her live.

I tuned in to her energy while the song was playing and the impression I got was – she felt really bad for putting us through this but she felt especially awful for her husband and kids. That she was sorry but also feeling scared. I understood, as her physical death was very unexpected. She was dressed in a beautiful white gown with her hair and makeup done, but she was in tears, looking at me. I was also in tears and she looked at me, unable to console me.

I’m really missing you right now, my friend ????

Roxy and I at her art show in Las Vegas, Sept 2016

bookmark_borderSafe Space

Posted on by savethesavages

I keep this blog, this website, this identity because I feel safe here. I feel less restricted in being able to say what I want to say and not have to dumb it down or make it less weird for everyone else. This is me talking to me.

I have separate accounts and separate aliases because you can’t lump yourself into one thing, at least in my opinion. You have to put yourself into categories that are digestible for people. From a metaphysical perspective, this is how Consciousness manifests itself – it is One thing broken up into a billion pieces, experiencing itself. That is us, that is what we do.

Anyway, here is my latest drawing for Inktober 2019. The prompt is: ring. I really like how it turned out. Instead of being hard on myself for not drawing on a regular basis, I am learning to appreciate my sporadic moments where I am motivated and can create something that I like.

At this point, I don’t care if other people like it anymore.

bookmark_borderNot so random thoughts on selling crystals

Posted on by savethesavages

I’ve been thinking about this more and more lately, and the thought really hasn’t gone away so I’m going to just type it out here.

I’m thinking that once I sell everything, I will not restock on more crystals for the shop. As much as I love crystals and stones, part of me feels like I’m contributing to the exploitation of the earth. So I’m going to stop or cut back.

I’m also aware that none of this is really going to stop, that people are going to keep mining, selling minerals and there will be buyers. As the world turns. On the other hand, one of the people I learn from recently said that crystals have their own karmic route so…yeah. I guess we’ll see.

It’s been an interesting 2 years of experimentation with building up this crystal shop and I’ve learned a lot about myself. I learned that I don’t like to be pushy and manipulative so obviously it takes longer to sell minerals but I’m fine with that. I also don’t like the competitiveness of it all so I think I will find ways to exploit my damn self with all the skills that I have.

I also think people just aren’t spending as much.

I’m still thinking about Patreon but I need to build up a bigger audience before I jump on it.

bookmark_borderWhy TF Am I Like This?

Posted on by savethesavages

Why can’t I just be patient and watch something I’ve been growing and putting energy into become a thing? Is it my astro makeup that makes me this way…

Like for example, I am and have been getting bored with sellling crystals. I think it probably shows. I am also getting bored with trying to get clients for crystal healing and/or reiki. I’m not giving up, it just gets tiring I guess.

I know there’s nothing wrong with me, but I still can’t help but feel that I can get so disinterested with something so quickly and it bugs me. Is it Cancer season, making me feel inconsistent and wishy washy…seriously, what the fuck. Is it all these cosmic energies making me feel out of whack?

I guess I will never know.?

On the upside, since I’ve not been spending money as much and since my rent went up by $100, I’ve been revisiting old books that I have at home and re-reading them, like “You Are Psychic” by Debra Lynne Katz. At the time I bought the book, it was a hard book to read. 7 years later I feel like as if it ties in nicely with the work I’m doing now.

Anyway, here’s a large, satisfying animated gif of bubbles I created in After Effects a few years ago.

bookmark_borderBROOD MOOD?

Posted on by savethesavages

Summer, my least favorite season especially this year since the A/C has not been working for 3 weeks now…but at least the traffic is light and there are less people around.

I really wish I had this sweater because I’d probably wear it 24/7.

I switched gears yet again, typical Sagittarius. I’m starting to accept that this is who I am, that I can’t stick to one thing. Been playing around and trying to learn Adobe Premiere Pro and After Effects, but now I feel like I might need a newer computer to handle the more graphic intensive stuff. Anyways, I’m just experimenting and having fun. Check out my YouTube channel for my crystal shop here to see what I’ve been up to.

I’m still thinking about starting up a Patreon but have no idea what to offer – animated gifs, digital art, Photoshop tutorials, meditation videos?

bookmark_borderPsychedelic Butterfly Witch

Posted on by savethesavages

I really love how this one turned out. Yes, I put an Instagram filter on it to make it even darker and more moodier, but wow go me. I really need to play with After Effects more and still would love to learn Cinema 4D. I learned both in 2004 but never got around to using it. So why don’t I pick it up again? Oh yeah, it’s because I spend too much time on the gram and social media in general instead of creating/learning more. Sigh, so lame…

What have I been up to? I’ve been more quiet, playing/experimenting with both my Instagrams. Sales/acquiring clients is still challenging especially for this introvert but at the same time I’m getting better at talking about my stuff. I am advertising but with very small budgets. But I also honestly believe that all markets are flooded with digital content; it’s getting harder to grab people’s attention online but that’s okay, I’m not super concerned about it. Everything will work itself out.

Thankful that I have a fulltime job so I can learn, play and experiment with my business ideas. I’ve resisted, struggled and questioned as to why I’m still here 5 years later, but now I understand. I entertained the idea of entrepreneurship for some time, but now I know it’s really not for me – I’m just not a hustler. Even though it has been challenging getting clients, I still believe that everything comes easily and effortlessly if I just allow it and to give it time.

Majority of my money has been going to bills (which I’m also thankful for) but I’ve also incurred some debt while experimenting with my business ideas. So I’ve been trying to cut back on purchasing witchy, magickal things and just keeping it basic. In the meantime, I’m back to the self-help thing while I save money. Not really driving too far to make my car last longer, which also saves on gas.

bookmark_borderSome more notes on the business of healing

Posted on by savethesavages

+ Don’t give people suggestions/advice on how to manage their chronic pain; unless you have it you can’t ever know what they’re going through so it’s best not to say anything. Only those who actually have to live with it know, so be mindful of what you say.

+ As much as I want clients for my crystal healing practice, I’ll keep putting myself out there but will not force myself on anyone.

+ I’ve asked myself a bunch of times already why am I doing this – why do I keep pushing for it, why do I keep pursuing these things. Is it my ego? It sure doesn’t feel like it this time around, it feels like something else…something bigger than myself yet still infused with my artistic abilities. It’s going to take time to build, but stick with it.

+ Reiki is a lot more popular than crystal healing. You might get clients quicker if you offered Reiki instead. Should you follow the crowd? My higher self says: no, don’t follow the masses. You know deep down that the Reiki system has been corrupted.

+ Some people are straight up cheesy. I refuse to be cheesy, even if it means not being what people expect a healing arts practitioner to be.

Obviously I’ve had serious questions about the things I’ve been doing and why I’m doing them. It can be a total mindfuck sometimes. We must continuously examine our own motives for doing things we do.

bookmark_borderNot So Random Thoughts

Posted on by savethesavages

Today is my 2 year anniversary for Metaphysical Vibes, on Earth Day. I didn’t feel the need to make a big deal out of it; I learned that in these last 2 years, people really only pay attention to you when you’re doing a giveaway or giving something away for free which essentially is the same thing. And that’s totally fine, I have no feelings about it – just an observation.

I guess I am tired and want to sleep for all eternity. Not depressed or suicidal, just tired of living by this world’s standards. It’s not like life has been hard or anything, it’s been quite easy actually. I’ve let go of a lot of stuff and I am clear now, I know because I’m around myself 24/7. I want eternal rest and relaxation, I want to float on a cloud, I want to be on a secluded beach with all my crystals, I want to be a star, a giant ultra bright and colorful gassy star. I don’t know. Just daydreaming, just rambling. I crave to be formless. I suppose those who are formless dream of being in a form, while those of us who are in a bio-container dream of the opposite.

Being consistent is tiring for me. I’ve been trying not to have expectations anymore. But when you put a lot of effort into something, inevitably you will have expectations.

I made this GIF at work today and repurposed it to reflect my mood.

bookmark_borderAll is Divine Energy

Posted on by savethesavages

I’ve come to the conclusion that all is divine energy – whether you use Reiki, Light Language, Middle Pillar, Quantum Touch or any other type of energy work to heal yourself and others.

I started using Reiki again for self-healing and found myself combining it with the others I just listed. I didn’t even force it, it just wanted to come through that way. I’ve encountered reptilian energy again while meditating with Serpentine, but this time it was benevolent. It was from the earth and I wasn’t fearful; it was alligators, snakes, kundalini energy.

I’m also at this state where I’m no longer paying attention to anyone in particular on IG, especially if they’re not paying attention to me. Whatever that was, a one sided energy exchange – has worn off. Admiration and adoration of others that you look up to is nice, but I noticed that I was hanging onto every word a few people were saying and believing it to be the absolute truth. It might be true for them, but not for me. So I pretty much had to snap out of it and unhook myself from people.

Just know that your thoughts and feelings about something or someone can change at any moment and that’s okay.

I’ve decided to stay in my lane and do whatever it is I’m good at. I’m still really trying to learn PHP, MySQL but mostly Javascript because I still suck major ballz. Not putting myself down, just being realistic; numbers with problem solving and equations aren’t my strong points but since I have to work with it a lot at work, I feel as if I really need to fucking learn it already. Wish me luck. As a Sagittarius though, I know that I tend to take on too many things to learn & achieve. I guess we’ll see.

Quick animated digital sketch gif by me, let’s call her Minty.