My Only Fans isn’t poppin and here’s why:

  • I’m not fucking popular.
  • I’m not showing any nudes.
  • I’m not promoting enough.

Become or do the opposite of the 3 I just mentioned above and I’m 100% sure your Only Fans will be POPPIN. (Don’t know why I picked “poppin” – it seemed the most appropriate word).

My reason for this is that I simply would rather be low key about it. If I start promoting heavy like everyone else then I will for sure attract creeps and rudeass subscribers who will demand shit from me and I really don’t want that.

Most people are lured by money but can’t see that there’s a price to pay for it. I would rather have my peace & privacy. I don’t think I can handle the fame, rude comments and lack of privacy. I can see that some of these girls are already suffering from it.

So I’m taking it slow and not forcing myself to do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing.

If you do go on Only Fans, or any of these platforms (there are more now that are springing up btw with better payouts) – be sure that you’re not doing it for the money. Otherwise you’ll be disappointed.

Do it because you like making content and that it’s a creative outlet for you.

Based on my observations so far, the ones who are making bank from Only Fans have a huge following on Twitter, Instagram or YouTube. And they’re young and attractive. And they’re showing nudes.

I’ve only found someone on Only Fans close to my age; she’s a few years older than me and is successful and that would be Sinnamon Love. The only difference is that she’s a retired porn star with a huge following and I’m just a nobody.

To be continued…

Here’s a trippy animated gif that I made – I drew the triangles in Photoshop with my Wacom tablet, animated them and added some light in the middle. I wish I could remember how I actually did it though.

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These last few months has left me feeling jaded about the spiritual community. From spiritual bypassing to fake Instagram gurus, to false spiritual “influencers”…

I know it’s nothing really new but on top of a pandemic / economic depression / apocalyptic times maybe that’s why I’m not as vested in Crystal Healer LA as much as I was before. My relationship with Reiki has also changed as I’m learning to decolonize my spiritual practice, which is complex. I still love crystals though and believe 100% in their healing abilities, I just don’t know where I belong in all of this.

Perhaps that’s why I respect and admire the Devil so much; even though he/she/it is a made up figure it still represents a powerful, opposing force. Last night as I was going to sleep, I pulled the Devil tarot (the third card of 3) from the Labyrinthos app.

At least the Devil, who is a symbol of our shadow / aspect of our true and unconscious desires – won’t lie to us. Of course we will spend half our lives denying it, but if you look at your life thus far – your unconscious was really running the show all along. Please read Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliott.

Here’s an old drawing that I did, scanned and altered in Photoshop. At the time of this drawing, I wanted to be a tattoo artist so I was heavily influenced by Sailor Jerry’s flash. You can see that i borrowed the demon head from him.

Hail Satan.

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Found on Reddit

So I want to go on Only Fans just to try it out, because you know…I like to try things and experiment.

BUT!

I don’t want to be nude or sexy on there at all. I want to be the opposite of what everyone else is on there: awkward and wholesome…or awkward, but with a dirty mouth.

Or maybe I should be a mean girl. I confess that I enjoy being mean and talking shit.

Working in the adult entertainment industry for 10 years now, I’ve seen enough nudity in my life to last me a 1000+ lifetimes. I don’t want to join the porn tribe, I just want to be me.

Anyways, I just want to prove a point: that you can be on there, make money WITHOUT being sexy.

I’ve been dwelling on the idea for a few weeks now, so there must be something there. Also, it will motivate me to get better at creating content again, which I have been terrible at lately. I was doing okay for a while doing random talking videos to get better at talking but it seems I’ve lost interest.

And if you know me, then you know I tend to lose interest in things. And because of it, I always feel like I’m starting over again.

Here is a link to my Only Fans.

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The pros and cons of working in adult entertainment marketing, at least for me.

Pros

+ I love my job. For someone who is a weirdo and an introvert anyway, it’s actually a good fit for me.

+ I get to create animated gifs (my favorite).

+ I get to be on the internet all day.

+ I get to learn new things in the world of internet marketing, as it’s constantly changing.

+ I’ve gotten better at writing.

I wonder, would my bio dad be proud? I have a memory of him drawing naked ladies when I was little.

Cons

– There’s a high risk of your social media accounts getting suspended. This is what happened to me on Twitter recently. Like if you use your own phone number for work AND personal, then you will risk your phone number being blacklisted. I’ve already appealed to get my Twitter accounts back so we’ll see.

– You can’t really talk about it with anyone unless they’re in the industry themselves or they’re cool AF & open minded.

– Since I create graphics, trying to get another job is pointless as you can’t show any of your work. You would have to make up some dummy, “safe for work” designs just for your portfolio which in my experience, has been a total waste of time.

– The marketing gets repetitive; meaning, there’s only so much sexy shit you can say.

– Your marketing comes off as spammy.

– Spammers and scammers are then attracted to you.

– It’s really competitive and if you’re successful, other people will just copy exactly what you’re doing and basically steal your shit.

Remember: high risk = high rewards. No matter how much the big social media companies try to suppress adult entertainment, people are always looking for it. 

About the gif animation:

I made it in Photoshop with 4 frames. So with each frame, you tweak the lips and the chin just a little to simulate movement. Maybe I will write a tutorial on this.

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I made her blink, maybe I will do a tutorial on how to do that. I’m pretty sure I posted the original drawing here somewhere…

nevermind, here it is from 2017.

Some random thoughts today:

I’m really glad I have this blog. Instagram and other social media hangouts may seem permanent, but it’s not your property. At least I can say this is my property. So if someone on Instagram decides they don’t like my post, they can report me. Then I would be on IG’s radar which means they can do other things, like shadow ban or disable my account.

Well I’m glad I don’t have a ton of followers on there, I don’t have to feel so attached like many others do who have built up a following on there. In some ways, I can relate more to porn stars and sex workers – who are used to having their accounts banned on a regular basis.

The impermanence of it all.

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Just a video of my cat, Tabby. That’s all.😺

She’s the first cat I’ve ever had. Adopted her in late 2014. I was going for a black cat but this one literally conned us into taking her instead – jumped onto the table immediately to greet us even though the house was full of cats; just full on put her charm on James while I was trying to get the black cat to come to me but he wouldn’t, so Tabby picked us instead. She even jumped into the carrier when it was time to go like she really just wanted to get tf out of there. Needless to say 6 years later she is still with us. She’s going to be 12 years old on May 2020.

I deleted her Instagram account because I hardly ever used it. I’ve also deleted my @savethesavages IG. But then again, Instagram only lets you ‘disable’ it.

So far this year, I’ve been detaching myself from people and social media. It’s been 4 months since Roxy passed and I’m still not feeling 100% well – meaning I’m just existing in a mostly neutral state. Some days I’m at 25% and other days I’m at 75%. I also don’t have the same drive and motivation I had for Metaphysical Vibes but I’m not going to delete it either. I’ve been working more on Crystal Healer LA – I feel that people need energy work more than they need crystals.

If you’re looking for me on Instagram, I’m over @crystalhealerla

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The only constant is change.

And yes, I’m completely aware that I’m gettting old and yet I really like myself right now.

Tomorrow isn’t promised to us so we have to live it up, meaning we have to do the things we want to do NOW or at least try…because if you died today, will you have any regrets?

The word enterprise comes to mind. It means:

a project undertaken or to be undertaken, especially one that is important or difficult or that requires boldness or energy

So yes, I’ve proven to myself that I can build up a business from scratch.

The question is: can I do it again? And can I take it up a notch?

All we can do is experiment. Life is just that, one big experiment.

I am a magical entrepreneur guided by a higher power…

and I am one with the power that created me.

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I get a lot of people following/unfollowing me daily on my crystal shop’s Instagram page. The number of followers hasn’t really grown that much. But that’s alright because I still get sales.

At first, I did get hung up about it. Like why do people play the stupid ‘follow to unfollow’ game? It really annoyed the fuck outta me.

Anyways, I realized after a year that it didn’t actually matter…I still made sales.

Moral of the story? Just because you have more Instagram followers doesn’t necessarily mean you get more sales.

I’m writing this because maybe some of you are feeling discouraged or feel like you’re not gaining any traction on selling or putting yourself or your brand out there. It’s crowded, everyone’s doing the same damn thing, people steal content, I have to show my face when I don’t really want to, blah blah blah…

It’s definitely going to feel that way sometimes, especially when you’re just starting out.

But with consistency, patience and most importantly – using your own unique voice & perspective – you WILL sell and you WILL attract the right people. And all your hangups about other people doing the same thing will melt away.

Not as easy as it sounds, but if you intend for things to be a certain way – trust that it can happen.

And as cliché as it already sounds – you really HAVE to believe in yourself. You have to be your own fucking number 1 fan. Your negative self-talk will only hold you back.

You also have to stop looking at what other people are doing. I swear, as soon as I stopped doing this – my creativity came back; my writing and my art sounded like me again.

I’m a life coach now by the way. Kidding!?

I’m writing this to encourage you and myself. I have more confidence now that I’ve had the business up and running for a little over a year. So while I have some nuggets of wisdom to share, I’m also aware that I still have a long way to go.

Either way, I’m not worried about it. I intend to have fun and go at my pace.

I see a lot of people start their shop pages on Instagram but don’t really last longer than a month. Why? Because I think they run out of steam. They tend to post a lot hoping people will notice them and start buying right away, but then they burn out just as quickly as they started.

Consistency and repetition is key. But also, pace yourself so you don’t crash and burn. Self-care is just as important.

One of my mentors was telling me you should post 3 times a day on Instagram. I followed that at first, but got tired. So now I only post once or twice a day, depending on how I feel.

What most people don’t think about is that while even starting a small business can be a lot of fun, it’s also A LOT of work. You are the owner, marketer, manager, accountant and more…all rolled into one. You can easily go through a roller coaster of emotions too – from being happy and excited because you made some sales, to being scared and anxious because you spent a lot of money to make those sales, then happy and excited all over again because you paid down some of your debt. Yay!

That is the reality of a lot of small businesses & entrepreneurs – spending money to make money.

Would I do it all over again? Probably.

The secret is to only sell what you love, what you yourself would buy. I guess in some ways this is difficult because you’ll be tempted to keep a lot of the stuff you’re supposed to sell!

The other secret is to branch out and learn other skills so you can stand out from everybody else who sells the same thing as you.

Here’s a personal example: I don’t consider myself to be a seller or come anything close to being a salesperson; I am so anti-hustle. Not into it at all. But on the contrary, I AM selling, consistently.

How am I doing it? I honestly couldn’t tell you.

Either people really love the crystals that they see on my Instagram, or they like me as a person. They could be basing it off the reviews I have on Etsy.

It could be all of the above or none of the above.

Behind this human avatar, I could really be a fucking magical being – creating whatever I want to happen next. That sounds feasible to me.

Whatever it is, the effort is paying off – that doesn’t mean I’m done. I have to continue, because I love that I created this; and I love that people love it too.

And I also know that you can do this for yourself too.?

p.s. hope you enjoy the photo I posted with this post! My mom’s church friends already think I worship the devil anyway.???‍♀️?

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So I came across a very unique keyword phrase on AdWords that I saw for the very first time ever:

“black owned healing crystals”

I’m guessing that my crystal shop website popped up when a person entered in that particular phrase. Very interesting, indeed.

Very interesting because I have tried to stay neutral in such matters; like not really identifying as a minority or a person of color – even though technically I am. I wasn’t avoiding it, I’m just not into labeling myself. I truly believe that we are all One Spirit but in this three dimensional world, I get that we have to ‘play the game’ still.

I also know that some of the people I follow on Instagram do use certain hashtags like #minority #blackowned #supportblackownedbusiness etc…

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t know where I fit in and I don’t care. I wasn’t trying to define myself as either or. When you’re Filipino or Asian for that matter, most people don’t really see you. They mostly see black or white people, with Latinos a close third.

This is just my opinion, perhaps I am wrong on that so feel free to correct me.

We fall in that gray area I think where people know we exist but it’s almost like we’re just “there”. Is it because most people perceive us as quiet and not a huge threat to society? Who knows.

I imagine it’s much worse for Native Americans; nobody cared too much about their issues until Standing Rock made headlines.

Sigh, annnnd I don’t know what I’m getting at now. I don’t want to talk about political/social issues on my blog, there’s enough of that to go around.

I’m still anticipating that people would like Metaphysical Vibes because of the beautiful minerals and the content I post, not so much about the color of my skin. But I also get why people would want to support minority small business, we definitely need more diversity and inclusion in every market. If that is what’s going to bring me business, so be it. I’m open to whatever the universe wants to give me, I know I am blessed either way.

Do I consider myself an ally of black people? YES! And not just black people, but every being.

So if you like crystals and prefer to support a minority then yes, I am one. You can buy crystals and stones at Metaphysical Vibes.??

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It just dawned on me as to why I haven’t been posting consistently on Instagram for Metaphysical Vibes…social media feels whatever to me right now; it’s safe to say that I can live without it (I probably can’t). I don’t have FOMO either (liar). Ha! I do wish some people would try being mysterious for once and not post everything that they do; maybe we’d have something to talk about in real life? I don’t know, just a thought…

Unfortunately I can’t escape it entirely as it’s still a major part of my job.

Anyways…

In numerology it’s the year of the High Priestess in Tarot – add the numbers 2018 (2 + 0 + 1 + 8 = 1+1 = 2).

Last year 2017 was the year of the Magician; it makes total sense as to why I got inspired and was consciously making action-oriented moves with the crystal business.

The High Priestess to me is all about introspection, self-knowledge, deep inner wisdom but also isolation. Lately I’ve been just wanting to be alone; I mentioned in my last blog post that I don’t mind it at all. I love being alone and learning things about myself.

I also noticed that although I haven’t been posting a whole lot I’m still making sales. That is nice and I appreciate it. With all the people who are constantly hustling, pushing minerals on Instagram it feels nice that I don’t have to work so hard to “sell”, I don’t have to struggle or compete to be constantly in people’s feeds. The crystals and the reviews people have left me are doing the work for me; I didn’t even have to ask anybody to leave me a review – each person did it because they wanted to. I am so thankful that my selling/small business experience is matching my personal energy; I kept thinking that my introvertedness (sometimes ambivert, occasional extrovert) would ruin my chances of selling anything.

I’m also thankful that I can express my creativity through Metaphysical Vibes.

Cheers to everyone who is working on breaking free from their jobs. I haven’t fully done it, but I’m making my way towards it; at the pace that I’m comfortable with.

Call me a part time business owner for now I guess.

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