My Only Fans isn’t poppin and here’s why:

  • I’m not fucking popular.
  • I’m not showing any nudes.
  • I’m not promoting enough.

Become or do the opposite of the 3 I just mentioned above and I’m 100% sure your Only Fans will be POPPIN.

My reason for this is that I simply would rather be low key about it. If I start promoting heavy like everyone else then I will for sure attract creeps and rudeass subscribers who will demand shit from me and I really don’t want that.

Most people are lured by money but can’t see that there’s a price to pay for it. I would rather have my peace & privacy. I don’t think I can handle the fame, rude comments and lack of privacy. I can see that some of these girls are already suffering from it.

So I’m taking it slow and not forcing myself to do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing.

If you do go on Only Fans, or any of these platforms (there are more now that are springing up btw with better payouts) – be sure that you’re not doing it for the money. Otherwise you’ll be disappointed.

Do it because you like making content and that it’s a creative outlet for you.

Based on my observations so far, the ones who are making bank from Only Fans have a huge following on Twitter, Instagram or YouTube. And they’re young and attractive. And they’re showing nudes.

I’ve only found someone on Only Fans close to my age; she’s a few years older than me and is successful and that would be Sinnamon Love. The only difference is that she’s a retired porn star with a huge following and I’m just a nobody.

To be continued…

Here’s a trippy animated gif that I made – I drew the triangles in Photoshop with my Wacom tablet, animated them and added some light in the middle. I wish I could remember how I actually did it though.

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so fucking addicting? I hate it and want to wean myself off of it. It’s not like I have a lot of friends to keep up with nor do I get a bunch of likes on my posts. It’s the scrolling part – addicted to seeing photos and addicted to information, I guess? I don’t know. As a creative person, I’m definitely stimulated by images.

I know I can do better things with my time…and yet I don’t.

I only draw or get creative when I know I have a deadline.

Otherwise, I’d much rather be doing absolutely nothing, or scrolling. Ugh.

I’m also aware that it’s Mercury Rx and I really should just chill the fuck out and be easy on myself. Why do I beat myself up for not being creative enough?

Roxy’s birthday is August 3, it is still unreal to me that she is gone. The few months since her passing was the strongest connection I had to her. I miss her so much, social media & the internet isn’t quite the same without her.

Smile now, cry later.

Fuck the world.

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I really have tried, but I don’t have the energy that other people have to post consistently on social media.

As a mutable fire sign, I notice that I can definitely get it started but to continue it for the long run? Nope.

I am accepting it and not trashing my own abilities to stay relevant. I just don’t care that much either way.

What’s even crazier is that I looked into my Sidereal astrological sign recently and it turns out that…

I’m actually a Scorpio, and I can kinda see that; Scorpios are secretive and mysterious.

Here’s a photo of some candles I purchased recently from Mētztli at Revolutionary Mystic. I especially love the art on each label. Of course as soon as I lit the Solve et Coagula candle, I was immediately guided to revisit Transcendental Magic by Eliphas Levi; a book that normally puts me to sleep due to its arcane language…

oddly enough I couldn’t put the book down, and I understood a lot of it this time around.

Is there a devil? What is the devil? As to the first point, science is silent, philosophy denies it at hazard, religion only answers in the affirmative. As to the second point, religion states that the devil is the fallen angel; occult philosophy accepts and explains this definition.

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From “The Tree of Life – An Illustrated Study in Magic” by Israel Regardie

I now know what it is…for now at least. I’ve been sitting on this for about 2 months now, just to make sure it was still true.

I have this job, this resource so that not only can I support me and my family, I can also give back to my spiritual community – whether it’s supporting them through donations, signing up for their classes, or just supporting their small business in general.

For so long it seems I was never satisfied with where I was. I wanted so bad to quit my job and create my own shit – I’m actually still doing that but I’ve learned that it’s a much longer process. It takes time and money and so I must be patient and have perseverance while I continue to build it.

What I realized now after spending all this time ‘doing the work’ is that – I am where I’m supposed to be.

I am where I’m supposed to be.

Let that sink in.

Once I stopped struggling – complaining & fighting myself internally – and accepted where I am, everything fell into place.

I feel at peace with the work I do now, you can even say that I’ve mastered it. I know when I get my paycheck I can pay all my bills and still have enough to support others as well.

I’m currently reading “Existential Kink” by Carolyn Elliott. Though I am already familiar with a lot of the stuff she talks about in her book, I feel like there are some things I’ve missed or wasn’t fully aware of (like the unconscious) and could work on.

A magician must always seek to improve and perfect their craft.

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I shared this on @crystalhealerla IG: me practicing how to write magical & heart symbols in the air using the Write On effect in Adobe Premiere.

The Pentacle is the name of the 5 pointed star enclosed within a circle, while the Pentagram is the name of the 5 pointed star itself.

Witches and pagans use this symbol for blessings, protection and sending light. It is not a symbol of evil.

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Something I drew the other day in one shot, no pencil sketch. When I came home from work I didn’t want to get on the computer again so I drew. But that’s a lie because I DID get on the computer for a bit but my eyes were so over it. I got off and drew this.

Fact: it seems that I can no longer draw people. I just want to draw lines, shapes & symbols.

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Summer, my least favorite season especially this year since the A/C has not been working for 3 weeks now…but at least the traffic is light and there are less people around.

I really wish I had this sweater because I’d probably wear it 24/7.

I switched gears yet again, typical Sagittarius. I’m starting to accept that this is who I am, that I can’t stick to one thing. Been playing around and trying to learn Adobe Premiere Pro and After Effects, but now I feel like I might need a newer computer to handle the more graphic intensive stuff. Anyways, I’m just experimenting and having fun. Check out my YouTube channel for my crystal shop here to see what I’ve been up to.

I’m still thinking about starting up a Patreon but have no idea what to offer – animated gifs, digital art, Photoshop tutorials, meditation videos?

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I better write this down before I forget:

Do you know how humans work the internet for their purposes?

You have multiple social media accounts – one for each version of yourself; one for personal, one for work or business or a side project; one to lurk on other people, one for your pet, etc.

But you are still the same person operating those different accounts. Same with a business that has multiple DBAs (Doing Business As)

On a universal scale, it is the same with Source. Source has so many ♾ infinite ♾ versions of Itself, but it is still the same Source.

As above, so below. As within, so without.

Also sidenote: I’m losing interest in working with regular Tarot cards, particularly Rider Waite. I want Tarot cards that have no people in it. Especially since ethnicity & diversity are lacking in a lot of these decks. If anything, I’d rather work with symbols, planets, nature, sacred geometry.

A lot of things are becoming outdated.

The above image is my light language codes.

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I’m typing this before I forget. I woke up with a bad headache on the right side of my head. It was probably because I ate too much salty chips with hummus…then an hour later I had cheezy poofs the night before and didn’t actually eat dinner. I probably didn’t drink a whole lot of water either. It happens.

So I put Selenite on the the side of my head where the pain was and that sort of helped. Blue Calcite worked even better but the headache came back again in waves. I should also mention that my husband told me to drink Gatorade because I needed electrolytes so I did that. And some water of course.

While all of the above helped, my headache was still there, lingering.

So I called upon my true Reiki masters & guides to assist me with removing this headache, got into a quiet, expansive, meditative state and put my hands on the sides of my head for a few minutes.

Needless to say, it worked; my headache subsided and my faith in Reiki has been restored, the Usui method. Also, my husband got us breakfast. I’m thankful.

For the past week I was having serious doubts about my Reiki practice after having learned that a false light agenda existed and has been infiltrating through the various Reiki symbols. So I had to search out some answers to my own questions. If you are open minded and want to get weird, please read my previous blog post: Reiki and Reptilians

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I must warn you now: this shit’s going to be weird and might freak you out but yes I’m going there because A) this is my blog and B) it’s all I’ve been thinking about these last few days and I needed an answer to my question:

Is Reiki another form of manipulation, is it part of the false light agenda?

These questions came up for me recently as I browsed on Instagram and saw that some healers have had their Reiki symbols removed; claiming that Reiki is another part of the Reptilian agenda to manipulate people who are spiritual.

What the fucking fuck.

I’ve been attuned to Reiki levels I and II in Usui method so of course this freaked me the fuck out and needed to know right away if I had just taken on some form of reptilian mind control.

The short answer is: no. But still, it took almost 5 days to find an answer that I’m partially satisfied with and on the first day of discovering this – my anxiety levels were rising and it felt real. I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I guess it didn’t help that I started reading one of David Icke’s books to try to know more about reptilians, then I started YouTubing shit and learned all about the false light propaganda that is happening amongst us. It was definitely an eye-opener that was part fascination, part anxiety, part everything really.

So anyways, this video sort of gave me some relief but at the same time not really: Reptilian Carrier Wave in Reiki and Possible MK Ultra Connection

The lesson here? Question everything, including your own motives and listen/trust your own intuition. It’s tempting to not question it especially when everyone is doing it. Like right now, there’s so many people getting Reiki attunements, myself included.

Although I haven’t had a negative experience with Reiki, I’m on the fence right now. There were a couple of instances where people compared Reiki systems and a lot of them claimed that the ones they’re getting attuned to are more ‘powerful’.

Something about that puts me off, because the word ‘power’ can be so easily abused. You must ask yourself, why are you getting attuned or why do you want to be a Reiki master? Do you think you will gain more power? What kind of power are we talking about exactly and power over who or what? I thought the whole point of spirituality was to realize/actualize our own power, not look to an outside source.

For example – during attunement we work with an ascended master from an oracle deck. I honestly am not familiar with a lot of these so called ascended masters. Like really though, who are they?

I don’t know. Reptilians seek power and control so is there some subliminal connection there?

As they say around October/November that the veil is thin and entities from other dimensions can enter this one.

So basically this whole thing opened up Pandora’s box and I might have to step away from it all to get clear again. It’s no wonder I kept my Black Tourmaline close to me this whole time.

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