I realize that this blog of mine is sloppy as fuck. It’s a mess for sure but at the same time, I really don’t care. This is my personal art blog, this is where I get to truly express myself and say all that I want to say. I don’t get to do that on my other sites. Though I’ve put up artwork for sale on here, I’ve really not tried to monetize this.

Actually, I did try to use AdSense once but my site wasn’t good enough for Google. Oh well.

So if you’re visiting this site – yes, I’ve redirected SHERMGRAFIK.com to here. Sherm is long gone, it was an old graffiti identity.

What’s going on with me these days? I honestly don’t know. I’ve been in this neutral zone. I want to learn and do so many things that I tend to get pulled into different directions, thinking that I can do it all. Part of me wishes to know what my purpose is but I think I’m going to drive myself insane if I keep asking. It’s almost as if I’m not satisfied with the answers, as if my life purpose is supposed to be profound and exotic.

I think in some ways, I’m just supposed to be me.

via GIPHY

I noticed recently that I’m not really into super feminine pages on Instagram – pages that look soft, pretty and overtly feminine. Super curated and absolutely perfect. They’re great, just not for me.

Look, I’m a woman and I’m definitely soft. And I’m also straight. But I’m not super feminine and girly at all, but I really like hot pink and pretty things. Even the word ‘tomboy’ is not a fit to describe me, as looking at the definition of a tomboy – I don’t even like nor participate in sports. Who the fuck came up with these definitions anyway?

So what’s this really about then? I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m not a super feminine person; I don’t follow all the witches who worship goddesses as well as the moon. It’s sort of becoming a cliché, don’t you think? Even witchcraft is becoming a look and everyone is doing the same exact thing…

I’m down for all that stuff just not too much of it, you know?

Speaking of doing the same exact things, I’ve been following a marketing guy on Instagram who is abrasive and hard to like, but he is interesting af to me because he’s one of the very few marketing people out there who dare to be different, saying some real shit; and trust me when I say that I’ve come across a few marketing people already and have subscribed to their emails & bought their e-books. A lot of the stuff they teach is mostly the same bullshit, just packaged different.

I basically saw an ad of his – Ryan Orrico – and started following him. And trust me, I’m very hard to convince, I reject a lot of ads on IG; a lot of them are pretty bland and cookie cutter. As a matter of fact, Ryan “inspired” me (I put this in quotes because I know to him, the word ‘inspiration’ is a loaded term and he talks in depth about this in his emails) to start doing these random talking videos on my crystal shop’s Instagram page – where I talk unedited about whatever it is I want to talk about. This is actually working for me. How is it working? Let’s just say that by looking at my analytics, the talking videos are what people watch the most.

Now am I getting more sales? Not necessarily but really the whole point of these is to put yourself out there, imperfect & unedited…especially when you feel anxious and nervous about doing it, do it anyway. Because the truth is, you will never get it done if you are expecting perfection – literally spending hours editing the fuck out of a video to make it perfect or making sure your face is as beautiful and as flawless as it can be. Fuck that. This is what got me fired up to start doing these videos. Ryan literally destroys yoga people on Instagram who have these ultra cliché photos of themselves doing yoga in the jungle and basically making the rest of us feel like shit because we can’t live up to that.

I feel like the perfection part is what’s been keeping me from actually doing YouTube videos – I’ve only been talking about it. Now that I’m practicing doing these random talking videos on my IG page with a small amount of followers, I can feel more confident in doing it for a larger audience down the road.

So Ryan aka Yoga Sex Rock God if you happen to see this – thank YOU!

Anyways, what I’m trying to say about marketing and why I follow this guy is this: you have to stand out somehow. Marketing is all about getting noticed, it is NOT the same as advertising. Advertising just gives the information needed to make a purchase. It took me a while to understand this. Most people see marketing & advertising as one and the same because they can be used in that way.

Marketing is getting people to react to you or whatever it is you’re offering, whether it’s perceived as a good or a bad reaction. The fact that they even reacted means that it’s working, right? They gave you their attention. It’s works the same exact way when someone hates you – they hate you but they CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU. They check your Instagram page daily, they constantly need to see what you’re up to.

This is what I’m learning right now from Ryan. New ideas and concepts cannot be created if we don’t challenge the status quo. The greatest minds of history were not liked at first, they were hated because their thoughts and ideas were different.

By the way, The Devil tarot card appeared this week yet again. I now recognize him as the antagonist, the angel who challenges God.

Something about being in Leo season that’s making me determined as fuck.

I’m feeling a surge of energy from the sun.

In comparison to Cancer season, I feel a lot more stable and have clarity on what I need to do next…sort of.

Cancer season was turning me into a emotional wreck for no reason. I almost felt like a victim? A victim of my own fucking mind when it turns on me and starts to get me to think in limited ways.

I drive myself crazy sometimes. I feel alone on this because I feel like it’s up to me to keep up with finances, to figure out how to bring in more money. I feel like I’m the only one who invests in myself.

Anyways…

Right now I have investments and entrepreneurship on my mind. I think at this point I will have to create my own damn job; I keep looking on CL for something else but none of them appeal to me at all. The stuff that used to interest me no longer does.

Not only that but the deeper I go into metaphysical stuff, the less I can relate to the three-dimensional world.

At this point I really don’t want to work for anyone else but myself. How do I parlay this?

And is this a sign? It must be because it’s all I’ve been thinking about.

The Fool (0) has been showing up a few times now. This card usually never shows up, unless it’s time for me to dive into the unknown again.

And 8 of Swords is the card that tends to remind me of the so called “prison” that I created.

I have a few ideas (some are risky while most are just past my comfort zone) but at the moment I can’t think of anything else:

+ Pull out money from my 401k account, quit my job and live off of that while I bring up my small business.

+ Live a lean & frugal lifestyle. Downgrade to a smaller place (might have to be an apartment, meh) and cut out the cable and other stuff so I can have less expenses.

+ Move closer to my work so I don’t have to drive my car & spend so much money on gas and car repairs; I can just walk.

These are just ideas that have been running through my head these last couple of months. All I know is, something has to change. If this is my dream, then surely I can change it right?

Here’s my latest drawing: Soul Star and the Stellar Gateway. These are based off the 12 chakra system according to Katrina Raphaell in her book The Crystal Transmission.

I get a lot of people following/unfollowing me daily on my crystal shop’s Instagram page. The number of followers hasn’t really grown that much. But that’s alright because I still get sales.

At first, I did get hung up about it. Like why do people play the stupid ‘follow to unfollow’ game? It really annoyed the fuck outta me.

Anyways, I realized after a year that it didn’t actually matter…I still made sales.

Moral of the story? Just because you have more Instagram followers doesn’t necessarily mean you get more sales.

I’m writing this because maybe some of you are feeling discouraged or feel like you’re not gaining any traction on selling or putting yourself or your brand out there. It’s crowded, everyone’s doing the same damn thing, people steal content, I have to show my face when I don’t really want to, blah blah blah…

It’s definitely going to feel that way sometimes, especially when you’re just starting out.

But with consistency, patience and most importantly – using your own unique voice & perspective – you WILL sell and you WILL attract the right people. And all your hangups about other people doing the same thing will melt away.

Not as easy as it sounds, but if you intend for things to be a certain way – trust that it can happen.

And as cliché as it already sounds – you really HAVE to believe in yourself. You have to be your own fucking number 1 fan. Your negative self-talk will only hold you back.

You also have to stop looking at what other people are doing. I swear, as soon as I stopped doing this – my creativity came back; my writing and my art sounded like me again.

I’m a life coach now by the way. Kidding!?

I’m writing this to encourage you and myself. I have more confidence now that I’ve had the business up and running for a little over a year. So while I have some nuggets of wisdom to share, I’m also aware that I still have a long way to go.

Either way, I’m not worried about it. I intend to have fun and go at my pace.

I see a lot of people start their shop pages on Instagram but don’t really last longer than a month. Why? Because I think they run out of steam. They tend to post a lot hoping people will notice them and start buying right away, but then they burn out just as quickly as they started.

Consistency and repetition is key. But also, pace yourself so you don’t crash and burn. Self-care is just as important.

One of my mentors was telling me you should post 3 times a day on Instagram. I followed that at first, but got tired. So now I only post once or twice a day, depending on how I feel.

What most people don’t think about is that while even starting a small business can be a lot of fun, it’s also A LOT of work. You are the owner, marketer, manager, accountant and more…all rolled into one. You can easily go through a roller coaster of emotions too – from being happy and excited because you made some sales, to being scared and anxious because you spent a lot of money to make those sales, then happy and excited all over again because you paid down some of your debt. Yay!

That is the reality of a lot of small businesses & entrepreneurs – spending money to make money.

Would I do it all over again? Probably.

The secret is to only sell what you love, what you yourself would buy. I guess in some ways this is difficult because you’ll be tempted to keep a lot of the stuff you’re supposed to sell!

The other secret is to branch out and learn other skills so you can stand out from everybody else who sells the same thing as you.

Here’s a personal example: I don’t consider myself to be a seller or come anything close to being a salesperson; I am so anti-hustle. Not into it at all. But on the contrary, I AM selling, consistently.

How am I doing it? I honestly couldn’t tell you.

Either people really love the crystals that they see on my Instagram, or they like me as a person. They could be basing it off the reviews I have on Etsy.

It could be all of the above or none of the above.

Behind this human avatar, I could really be a fucking magical being – creating whatever I want to happen next. That sounds feasible to me.

Whatever it is, the effort is paying off – that doesn’t mean I’m done. I have to continue, because I love that I created this; and I love that people love it too.

And I also know that you can do this for yourself too.?

p.s. hope you enjoy the photo I posted with this post! My mom’s church friends already think I worship the devil anyway.???‍♀️?

I think I’m S L O W L Y starting to see my life purpose…and (I think) it sort of involves the fact that I’m weird with an open mind & open heart and the fact that I also work behind the scenes in the adult entertainment industry.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ll probably notice that I rarely discuss my job. It’s a marketing and graphic design job so it’s nothing too exciting (unless you love sex & nudes, HA). I create lots of visual content sure, but I also look at a lot of data and some of it involves being technical.

But because of it, I’m attracting those who are weird like me that seek healing (they seek the crystals, not me btw) but can’t seem to be accepted by certain spiritual folk because it’s beyond their level of ‘weird’…

Spiritual folk who have issues with sex, sex workers and people who are on the fringe. And maybe even those who are all those things and are also POC. Those are the people who find me. People whom I accept because even though I don’t fully know what it’s like to be a sex worker, marketing for this industry allows me to understand a whole lot more than the average person.

And I have learned a lot from working here. I’m not even all that weird, really…as far as I know I’m straight and I don’t have a kinky lifestyle. I go to bed at 10pm and I get up to go to work just like everyone else, it’s just the content that’s different.

The secret’s out folks: I’m actually really boring as fuck.?

But like I said, I try to always have an open mind and an open heart. I’m learning to recognize Spirit in all things.

I mean, didn’t Jesus spend time with the lepers and the freaks?

And while I’ve worked here, I’ve delved into spirituality more and more – tarot, crystals, reiki, etc.

They’re all sort of merging into one…becoming something new.

I had a tarot reading with a good friend recently and she pulled the II of Wands from the Deviant Moon Tarot Deck and said something profound.

It went something like this:

Your two creative jobs are crossing over each other; they are becoming more fluid. There is no separation, just a flow of energy flowing in and out of one another.

I had to write this down before it slipped away.

Here are some other possible meanings for the Two of Wands.

It’s been a minute since I posted a drawing. I think it’s important to pick up a pen or pencil everyday and write, draw or just doodle. I don’t always practice what I preach though and I want to change that. These days I’m usually typing or using my Wacom pen to create digital content. I don’t like to setup reminders on my phone to do things but I think I’m going to have to.

If I don’t draw, I’m not as creative. If I don’t write, I can’t articulate what I want to say as well. If I don’t doodle, my mind can’t wander and discover something new.

But at the same time, I don’t have a lot to say these days. I’m pretty much minding my own business – working, playing, experimenting, relaxing.

Like everyone I have goals but I still don’t know how they will manifest or what will happen next. That is part of living, isn’t it? As much as we fill our minds with knowledge, as much as we focus our will on our intentions, we still CAN’T fully know everything.

So let go and go with the flow. Ride the cosmic wave.

If you’re reading this, I hope you are well. I hope you are happy and living the life you want to live.✨

I didn’t always consider myself a marketer…

ask me 6 years ago and I would’ve said “ugh”, “gross”, and “no fucking way”!!?

As a matter of fact, I HATED it and didn’t want anything to do with it. I hated commercials or anyone who promoted themselves wayyyyy too much.

At one point I was forced to participate in meetings, meetings that had nothing to do with me. Most of the time I just ended up doodling or wandering off into the astral plane or both.☁️

So how did I go from hating marketing to loving it?

Easy, with repetition.

If you create graphics for advertising and promotions on a daily basis like I do, you start to realize that marketing is heavily involved in everything you do. It is not a separate thing, but a symbiotic relationship.

Why is that?

Because you’re thinking about ways to execute something visually when you’re combining text with images, then posting it to social media or getting it printed.

Not only that, but you’re also thinking about the best way to say it; your copy and your taglines. Small businesses might not have the luxury of having a copywriter, so it might fall on the designer or the owner to come up with something. Should it come straight from your creative & genius brain raw & unfiltered, or simplified so that others can actually understand your message and take action?

You’re also thinking about your audience – friends, clients, potential customers and clients who might see it.

When you’re posting on social media – whether it’s a painting, something you cooked or baked, your writing, your designs, a video demonstrating what it is you do, etc…you’re showing off your skills through something you created and the potential to provide something of value to others.

All of that IS marketing.

And everyone who promotes something of theirs is actively doing it, whether they’re aware of it or not.

And going back to the concept of repetition – I finally understood that in order for people to know about you, you have to REPEAT yourself and constantly let people know about you.

Marketing has become part of my job due to the fact that workplaces have been shrinking for some time now. Most companies don’t want to hire and pay a person for marketing, and then another for SEO, and then another for web design, graphics, etc…

so without even having a clue that this would be my future, I started to learn how to do a little bit of everything and it has paid off. I’ve learned a lot and am still learning. And I don’t get bored.

But don’t think you have to do it my way; I only did it this way because it seems to work for me. I find that learning and focusing on one subject doesn’t work for me; it seems that halfway through I get bored and disinterested. And so I jump on to other things…

and another, and another.

and then I end up learning a little bit of everything.

Another reason why I know a little bit of everything?

Usually someone will ask me a question and even though I don’t know the answer, they’re kind of expecting me to have an answer or a solution. So I start to Google a bunch of shit just to know what it is they’re asking of me.

And now I just learned something else; I can add that to my knowledge bank and share it with someone who needs it.

So there you have it, one of the ways a person gets into marketing.

With everything you want to get better at, you just have to practice. As a matter of fact, I am practicing right now.

It’s better to write about something that actually interests you. I am interested in developing the Self.

We need to get over ourselves, we need to stop overthinking and wondering if people are going to like what we write and just go for it.

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I snagged this from James Altucher’s Twitter. His writings have been resonating with me lately.

Hopefully this will remind me everyday to do something about it, if I really want to break free from my one source of income.

Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate having a job doing what I do best; it’s been a stable and abundant life. It’s actually one of the best jobs I’ve ever had. But something keeps tugging at me, something keeps telling me I am meant for more. And when I am online, I am often drawn to writers & authors who talk about this kind of stuff.

And I can’t explain why.

Loving yourself has been on the rise as of late and I really think it’s here to stay. Maybe perhaps it’s WHAT I’ve been choosing to see/experience more and more of and so now I see it everywhere; at least in my digital/real world. It’s a beautiful thing to witness people loving themselves, but what does it mean exactly?

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