I am writing this down as quick as I can because it feels like I’ve received a download from above that’s worth sharing.

Martyr, sacrifice, reincarnation, karma, ancestors, trauma, healing, justice, integration, shadow work are the words I keep receiving in my mind.

Are things worse off than they were before?

Even though it seems fucking horrible (and it always seems fucking horrible), I’m going to say NO.

Black, indigenous, people of color are rising up continuously – becoming more empowered each time one of their own dies from injustices such as racism or police brutality. Though it is exhausting as fuck to have to go through this over and over again, it empowers them and many others to fight back, using the technology that we now have.

Taking pictures and documenting the whole experience with video, boosting it on social media.

The internet is a gift.

I don’t know how to articulate this exactly, but those who have died from police brutality, racism, abuse, etc…

had a mission to do exactly that.

It may seem extreme and violent, even unfair – because it is – but again: violence, death and rebirth is our heritage.

The big bang was a violent, cosmic event. So was the birth and destruction of stars and planets. Even human and mammal birth is violent – it’s literally stretching the opening to its limits so one could be born. Then you’re covered in blood and plasma.

That also doesn’t mean we just sit back and allow fate to happen – as we have free will – to fight back and follow what our inner guide/daemon/spirit/higher consciousness calls us to do.

As above, so below.

So that the masses can continue to wake up, including their own people; so that we can continue to heal, becoming more aware and conscious with each iteration, each death.

It was not all for nothing.

Nobody dies for nothing.

Understand that we are all witnesses to this, witnesses to the United States of America facing its own shadow…over and over again.

On a microcosm level – I understand to a point now, why I’m here in California in the US. It is my home, it’s where I belong.

Even though I was born in the Philippines, I have never felt at home there. I feel at home here.

Why? Because I am American, just as much as I am Filipino. My mom brought me here in 1984. I wouldn’t have met the friends I love so much if I wasn’t here. I wouldn’t have met the person I married if I wasn’t here.

I would be living a life in the Philippines probably, but not as the same exact person that I am now. Probably living a whole different existence, probably unaware and just living a regular life.

There’s nothing wrong with any of that. But that is not what my soul wanted for me, obviously.

Believe it or not, I am grateful to be here right now – amidst the violence and chaos. I feel connected to all people, perhaps the internet is making that possible. I am witnessing the light and dark forces at work.

I love and hate the United States of America.

I feel the sadness, anger, hate, frustration, grief while simultaneously feeling peace, love, gratitude and an expanded awareness of it all.

We are one existing separately, living that paradoxical life for all eternity.

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